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Best answer, you and he both need to understand why he only wants it twice a year. He's got a secret or problem that he's not telling and you need to know.
Maybe he's got a medical issue that needs to be addressed.
a) medical issues
b) depression
c) he's already having an affair
d) he needs a place to stay and can't/ won't move out on his own (money issues)
Are you paying more than your fair share of the bills? Is he on the computer late at night? Away from home a lot? Traveling? Does he seem depressed?
No red-blooded man is going to be ok with having sex once or twice a year! Something is very, very wrong. The fact that you say you "can't talk about it" tells me all I need to know. You probably need to move on if you can't even bring up this subject!
I am in a committed relationship. I love my partner and I feel he loves me. We have been living together for several years. We are not married because of my prior experiences with marriage and he respects my feelings about it.
Before we moved in together, our sex life was the most passionate, "movie like" relationship and we would have sex often and it was wonderful.
For past two or three years, we have had sex, still great sex but once or twice a year. I thought it was me. I was slightly overweight and I knew it was a turn off for him. Now, I am in the best shape of my life, I know I look great but things have not changed.
I really love him but I am mentally ready to have an affair because I need to have sex. I need to feel desired and wanted. I need romance, lust, and passion in my life.
There is no doubt we love each other, but I am torn to pieces with my situation. Should I give up the love of my partner to fulfill my sexual needs? Is feeling sexually satisfied worth the price of giving up what we have together? And no, for those who will ask if he is willing to do something about it. We just can't even talk about it. And no, neither one of us is having an affair. I am just lost and afraid if the opportunity presented itself, I would do something that would later regret.
If you guys went from having great sex to none at all, I think that's symptomatic of much greater problems in your relationship. If you want to save your relationship, you need to work this out with your partner.
Not "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe "familiarity breeds contempt"? Because it is so readily available, one or the other person isn't really thinking about it as much? Whereas before, you were coming from two different places to get together, and one of the things on the agenda was the sex?
Personally, I don't understand how two people can be together and not have sex. I was with my ex for almost 7 years and we still had sex on a consistent basis. Even when things were REALLY bad between us it was at least several times a month.
I think you NEED to talk to him, period. Maybe even schedule some couples counseling. If you love him as much as you say you do, you will try to save the relationship. And if you feel like resorting to cheating, don't. Its better to be a person with integrity and end things then sacrifice your morals.
If only both parties could understand that sexual flings on side bear little emotional meaning to their stable relationship (and both parties are able to keep deeper emotional attachments from developing with the person they are having a fling with). To me, that would be the ideal situation. Then you can have your sexual needs fulfilled and still have the amazing life-partner with you to share your life with.
FWIW, I myself am in a sexless relationship (the "sexless" part is more from my end than my partner). I have told him countless times he can have flings on the side and that I would have no problems with this. I don't know if he's had any, and I really don't care to know. I really value this person's companionship; I can care less if he has sexual relationships on the side, as long as I know we are committed to each other and will share each other's life for the long-term. That is what is important to me.
You do know that often times people fall in love with people they have sex with right? I mean, we aren't robots. Humans do have emotions. In my opinion its almost impossible to keep yourself from falling for someone. You can control your actions, but you cannot control your emotions. So if your husband is having passionate sex with someone else, and he falls in love with her, why would he stay with you? Have you considered this?
I don't get this arrangement at all. To me a romantic partnership is nothing without the romance (which means sexual attraction). Why not just be friends and allow him to find someone who wants him sexually?
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