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I am in a committed relationship. I love my partner and I feel he loves me. We have been living together for several years. We are not married because of my prior experiences with marriage and he respects my feelings about it.
Before we moved in together, our sex life was the most passionate, "movie like" relationship and we would have sex often and it was wonderful.
For past two or three years, we have had sex, still great sex but once or twice a year. I thought it was me. I was slightly overweight and I knew it was a turn off for him. Now, I am in the best shape of my life, I know I look great but things have not changed.
I really love him but I am mentally ready to have an affair because I need to have sex. I need to feel desired and wanted. I need romance, lust, and passion in my life.
There is no doubt we love each other, but I am torn to pieces with my situation. Should I give up the love of my partner to fulfill my sexual needs? Is feeling sexually satisfied worth the price of giving up what we have together? And no, for those who will ask if he is willing to do something about it. We just can't even talk about it. And no, neither one of us is having an affair. I am just lost and afraid if the opportunity presented itself, I would do something that would later regret.
Did you tell him all this, that you are so sexually unfulfilled that you are started to imagine yourself cheating? That should be your next step. Do that, and then you will either work on the problem together, divorce, or decide you can mess around on the side. That way, it wouldn't be cheating.
And no, for those who will ask if he is willing to do something about it. We just can't even talk about it. And no, neither one of us is having an affair. I am just lost and afraid if the opportunity presented itself, I would do something that would later regret.
Well, if you know that he is not willing to do anything about it before we even ask this question, and this is something that you two cannot talk about, then to me, it doesn`t leave many choices, does it?
Sit him down and talk to him!
then you will either work on the problem together, divorce, or decide you can mess around on the side. That way, it wouldn't be cheating.
Yes, that seems about the options for you. I would personally be in favor of messing around on the side with both parties' consent. I know most people look down on this, but I don't understand the reasons for that (except for the risk of disease; however that risk can be lowered by taking appropriate measures). For me, it seems entirely natural for the whole passion and romance and all that stuff to fade after a while. And I find it almost completely unnatural for humans to be only attracted to one person their entire life (not saying this never happens, there are certainly exceptions).
I don't think it is worth the sex to give up a great companion for life; however, it seems like it often does come down to this in relationships. If only both parties could understand that sexual flings on side bear little emotional meaning to their stable relationship (and both parties are able to keep deeper emotional attachments from developing with the person they are having a fling with). To me, that would be the ideal situation. Then you can have your sexual needs fulfilled and still have the amazing life-partner with you to share your life with.
FWIW, I myself am in a sexless relationship (the "sexless" part is more from my end than my partner). I have told him countless times he can have flings on the side and that I would have no problems with this. I don't know if he's had any, and I really don't care to know. I really value this person's companionship; I can care less if he has sexual relationships on the side, as long as I know we are committed to each other and will share each other's life for the long-term. That is what is important to me.
What it sounds like you really need to do is to come to some understanding of what he's thinking and feeling. That means you need to communicate and openly express your thoughts instead of becoming emotionally isolated. I don't think you can make any decisions about any possible changes concerning your relationship unless you really know what's going on and your own description of the situation indicates that you don't. Good luck and I hope you can resolve whatever problems he's having.
And no, for those who will ask if he is willing to do something about it. We just can't even talk about it. And no, neither one of us is having an affair. I am just lost and afraid if the opportunity presented itself, I would do something that would later regret.
Yes, that seems about the options for you. I would personally be in favor of messing around on the side with both parties' consent. I know most people look down on this, but I don't understand the reasons for that (except for the risk of disease; however that risk can be lowered by taking appropriate measures). For me, it seems entirely natural for the whole passion and romance and all that stuff to fade after a while. And I find it almost completely unnatural for humans to be only attracted to one person their entire life (not saying this never happens, there are certainly exceptions).
I don't think it is worth the sex to give up a great companion for life; however, it seems like it often does come down to this in relationships. If only both parties could understand that sexual flings on side bear little emotional meaning to their stable relationship (and both parties are able to keep deeper emotional attachments from developing with the person they are having a fling with). To me, that would be the ideal situation. Then you can have your sexual needs fulfilled and still have the amazing life-partner with you to share your life with.
FWIW, I myself am in a sexless relationship (the "sexless" part is more from my end than my partner). I have told him countless times he can have flings on the side and that I would have no problems with this. I don't know if he's had any, and I really don't care to know. I really value this person's companionship; I can care less if he has sexual relationships on the side, as long as I know we are committed to each other and will share each other's life for the long-term. That is what is important to me.
This is a consentual agreement most people could never even begin to understand.
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