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My mother and I have not got along since I was probably in middle school. I'm about to move out and cut all ties with her and subsequently my father as well. The double standards that have been commonplace in our household (I have a brother) have left me insensitive, combative, and lacking of any meaningful relationship with any member of my family.
I'll admit I was a terror in high school (always got in trouble, got suspended a few times, got pregnant when I was 16, had an abortion) and my parents came down on me so hard I never recovered. They never let me leave the house, never let me see my friends or have a boyfriend, took my door off its hinges so they could watch what I was doing at all times, removed computers, radios, phones, and basically isolated me for much of my high school years. Both my parents were also physically and emotionally abusive towards me as well.
Fast forward 8 years, I graduated college, got a job, and am attending grad school in the spring.
The other half of the story is my younger brother. Arrests, drug charges, rehab, and a slew of other indecencies and yet hes still treated like a prince. They've paid thousands of dollars to bail him out of jail, send him to rehab, pay his fines, and tickets and everything else. He has no job, no schooling, and no drivers license yet hes still sitting pretty. At the age of 24 I'm still not allowed to have my boyfriend of 3 years in my bedroom (innate fear of me getting pregnant idk). I refuse to acknowledge him as my brother and I get called a ***** all the time because of it.
I realize the only thing I can do is move out. But it'll be another year of saving (because I'm buying a house) before I can do that.
Any suggestions on how to stay sane. Is there any hope for me salvaging my relationship with any of them?
My mother and I have not got along since I was probably in middle school. I'm about to move out and cut all ties with her and subsequently my father as well. The double standards that have been commonplace in our household (I have a brother) have left me insensitive, combative, and lacking of any meaningful relationship with any member of my family.
I'll admit I was a terror in high school (always got in trouble, got suspended a few times, got pregnant when I was 16, had an abortion) and my parents came down on me so hard I never recovered. They never let me leave the house, never let me see my friends or have a boyfriend, took my door off its hinges so they could watch what I was doing at all times, removed computers, radios, phones, and basically isolated me for much of my high school years. Both my parents were also physically and emotionally abusive towards me as well.
Fast forward 8 years, I graduated college, got a job, and am attending grad school in the spring.
The other half of the story is my younger brother. Arrests, drug charges, rehab, and a slew of other indecencies and yet hes still treated like a prince. They've paid thousands of dollars to bail him out of jail, send him to rehab, pay his fines, and tickets and everything else. He has no job, no schooling, and no drivers license yet hes still sitting pretty. At the age of 24 I'm still not allowed to have my boyfriend of 3 years in my bedroom (innate fear of me getting pregnant idk). I refuse to acknowledge him as my brother and I get called a ***** all the time because of it.
I realize the only thing I can do is move out. But it'll be another year of saving (because I'm buying a house) before I can do that.
Any suggestions on how to stay sane. Is there any hope for me salvaging my relationship with any of them?
Move out, continue to work on you, your education, etc and don't worry about your family. Once you have matured more, how to deal with your family will be easy. You can't repair your relationship with them as long as you live with your parents - you are simply far too old to be living there.
If you need to wait a year, so be it, just keep your head down and stop thinking about your brother. None of what your parents actions towards him have anything to do with you.
The differences between you and your brother, and the effects those differences will have on your lives, will shake themselves out without your needing to worry about it.
Continue to live your life responsibly but still the way you want. Time may help you and your family to be civil eventually , but I don't think you're ever suddenly going to become a big happy family. Good luck.
Bless your heart, I don't see how you've managed to stay for so long. I would prioritize moving out & keeping my sanity over buying a house. Can't you rent somewhere & continue to save for a home? If not, then you don't sound financially stable enough to buy a house in the first place.
I do know where you're coming from, although my parents weren't ever physically abusive, there were major conflicts & I moved out the week I turned 18 & have never looked back. If a relationship is toxic, you don't have to put up with it, even if it is your own family. It's been 8 years for me & they recently have reached out to me & we're taking some baby steps.
Definitely move out, for your own sake! As long as you're living there, nothing will get better or change (at least in the short term). Is there anyway you can rent an apt and slowly save up for a house? You can only keep your sanity by physically removing yourself from the terrible situation.
Unfortunately apartments in my area are RIDICULOUSLY expensive. More then the mortgage on the house Im looking at (with the down payment I've been saving). So I am currently stuck until I have the amount I want in my savings and available for a down payment.
My mother and I have not got along since I was probably in middle school. I'm about to move out and cut all ties with her and subsequently my father as well. The double standards that have been commonplace in our household (I have a brother) have left me insensitive, combative, and lacking of any meaningful relationship with any member of my family.
I'll admit I was a terror in high school (always got in trouble, got suspended a few times, got pregnant when I was 16, had an abortion) and my parents came down on me so hard I never recovered. They never let me leave the house, never let me see my friends or have a boyfriend, took my door off its hinges so they could watch what I was doing at all times, removed computers, radios, phones, and basically isolated me for much of my high school years. Both my parents were also physically and emotionally abusive towards me as well.
Fast forward 8 years, I graduated college, got a job, and am attending grad school in the spring.
The other half of the story is my younger brother. Arrests, drug charges, rehab, and a slew of other indecencies and yet hes still treated like a prince. They've paid thousands of dollars to bail him out of jail, send him to rehab, pay his fines, and tickets and everything else. He has no job, no schooling, and no drivers license yet hes still sitting pretty. At the age of 24 I'm still not allowed to have my boyfriend of 3 years in my bedroom (innate fear of me getting pregnant idk). I refuse to acknowledge him as my brother and I get called a ***** all the time because of it.
I realize the only thing I can do is move out. But it'll be another year of saving (because I'm buying a house) before I can do that.
Any suggestions on how to stay sane. Is there any hope for me salvaging my relationship with any of them?
The first thing is stop worrying about your brother..Your not him..
Move out get room-mates.
Your 24 old enough to move out..Quit making excuses why your still there.
You can love your family but there is nothing wrong with loving them from afar. Apparently your family has some issues and they will become a part of you too if you dont let go.
MOVE OUT
My mother and I have not got along since I was probably in middle school. I'm about to move out and cut all ties with her and subsequently my father as well. The double standards that have been commonplace in our household (I have a brother) have left me insensitive, combative, and lacking of any meaningful relationship with any member of my family.
I'll admit I was a terror in high school (always got in trouble, got suspended a few times, got pregnant when I was 16, had an abortion) and my parents came down on me so hard I never recovered. They never let me leave the house, never let me see my friends or have a boyfriend, took my door off its hinges so they could watch what I was doing at all times, removed computers, radios, phones, and basically isolated me for much of my high school years. Both my parents were also physically and emotionally abusive towards me as well.
Fast forward 8 years, I graduated college, got a job, and am attending grad school in the spring.
The other half of the story is my younger brother. Arrests, drug charges, rehab, and a slew of other indecencies and yet hes still treated like a prince. They've paid thousands of dollars to bail him out of jail, send him to rehab, pay his fines, and tickets and everything else. He has no job, no schooling, and no drivers license yet hes still sitting pretty. At the age of 24 I'm still not allowed to have my boyfriend of 3 years in my bedroom (innate fear of me getting pregnant idk). I refuse to acknowledge him as my brother and I get called a ***** all the time because of it.
I realize the only thing I can do is move out. But it'll be another year of saving (because I'm buying a house) before I can do that.
Any suggestions on how to stay sane. Is there any hope for me salvaging my relationship with any of them?
It is DEFINITELY past time to move out - I would NOT wait a whole year longer to do so. Otherwise you are just using them and setting yourself up to continue to be abused.
Once you've gotten some distance, maturity and time between you you may well be able to salvage the relationship.
I agree that moving out is a good idea but I think it would be a big mistake to completely sever your ties with your family no matter how bad it is now. You're only going to have one set of parents in your lifetime and even though you've had some tough times with them and question their judgement it would be very sad if you went your own way and tried to forget about them. If something happened to one of them you'll never get another chance to tell them how much you really cared about them. It's not uncommon for young people to go through a turbulent period with their parents and then things settle down as you get older. I wouldn't worry about fixing this relationship immediately but I do think it's important to keep an open communication because it's quite likely that time will heal all of the concerns that you're feeling.
I thought you were moving out now. You do need to move out... get some roomates!
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