Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Kinda long but here goes. I'm getting married next week. We've been together almost 4yrs. To make a long story short, we were supposed to get married last yr but called it off 3 months before the wedding. I was devastated, but he said he was having some issues and wanted to wait a while. I have been through alot with him, lying (about drinking), drinking, dwi, him getting sober. He's been sober for 18 months now, but I still always get this "feeling" that he's gonna slip up. I hate that I feel this way!! Yes, I have been to Alanon and even been to some regular AA meetings with him. We also had some "trust" issues a while back, went to counseling, etc....No, he didn't physically cheat on me, but had him a "friend" he met playing poker online that led to tons of phone calls and text messages that I was clueless about. They never met!! Like the counselor said, it was like an emotional affair. SHE even went as far as coping pics from my Myspace and posting them to hers saying he was her "sweetie" and her "baby". UGHHH He has apologized many times over about everything and even went to counseling with me to try to get past all this. I have been doing great since all this has come to pass and the counseling, our long talks, etc.., but here recently with the wedding coming up, all these thoughts and insecure feelings are coming back. My thing that I'm asking myself is "am I gonna feel like this my whole life with him"?? I truly do love him without a doubt and we get along great, he's like my best friend and I do not doubt the love he has for me. I'm wondering is this my gut instinct trying to tell me something or am I just being nervous????
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,010,901 times
Reputation: 9418
I can't understand why you want to marry with this lurking. If it's because you think it will fix things, it won't. You (both) have to fix it first. I've always been big on listening to your gut-instincts but I know most people don't or don't know how to do that. They second guess themselves too much, over think it, over analyze, pseudo-rationalize, etc. Just listen to your instincts. If you're questioning like this, it's a very good indication more work is needed before you consider such a big move as marriage.
Quite frankly, I think you should be feeling this way. I don't believe 18 months sober is long enough to show that he is committed to staying that way, so I think you will be feeling this way for sometime. Not a good way to start. And all the other behavior... best to wait to see that he has really stopped all that crap, too.
Listen to your doubts, don't do it. Not now, anyway.
Whats the rush? If there is no rush then I would wait...a long time...until everything is solid and you have absolutely no doubts. Coming from someone who has dealt with addiction in the family, you never know when it may rear its ugly head again. The slightest disruption could trigger his instabilities.
I can't understand why you want to marry with this lurking. If it's because you think it will fix things, it won't. You (both) have to fix it first. I've always been big on listening to your gut-instincts but I know most people don't or don't know how to do that. They second guess themselves too much, over think it, over analyze, pseudo-rationalize, etc. Just listen to your instincts. If you're questioning like this, it's a very good indication more work is needed before you consider such a big move as marriage.
I have to agree. I can't even begin to imagine why you are getting married when it's obvious you are not ready. It would seem you have hesitency in getting married, still. I get the feeling like you are getting married because you've already put it off once and now it's down to the wire.
You realize you don't have to get married, right? If you have these questions now, they aren't going away just because you guys get married. I say save the marriage and work on the problems now so that way when you both DO finally get married, it's starting off in the right direction and with a clean slate.
If you are having even the slightest doubt, you probably should not be marrying this guy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
