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I'm not sure if im writing this for a response as much as I need to get it out of my system, but I could always do with other opinions on this all..Im sure it will help
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over two and a half years now. We started off in one of the happiest and most event filled relationships I have ever been in. Always doing fun spontanious things and we fell in love with eachother. We spent 6months living together and snowboarding as a life experiance back in January but are both now home and living apart.
We have been very close this entire time, bestfriends but always in love. There was no confusion between friend, and girlfriend/boyfriend. Like most relationships you end up reading about on the internet we started to aruge. alot, about the same things day in and day out. Mostly over texting, but once we go to togther we were fine again, but did have the odd verbal fights as well.
She recently took a job working at a Night Club, something I have told her from day one I would not stay with her through. I can say with ease that I do have jealousy and trust issues, but for the most part this girl really is beyond trust worthy, and I know that. However her job involves all of the city flirting, hitting on, and over all being all over my girlfriend and her work triggered alot of fights..
I tried to change to accept her job as just her job, even though i feel like that is chaning a part of me I dont want to. I dont want to date a bartender girl..I just don't find it appealing..But I love her, and I continue to try.
The other day after a week of nonsense arguements, she told me she wants a break. And that after ONE week. (hardly a break) to see where we are. But as we talked about it I could see it and hear it in her voice and face that she was having more than a rough time deciding if a break, or break up, is what she wanted. I took the break and haven't contacted her since..But I can feel her slipping away..that feeling in your chest that never lies..I don't know if I have a question..It just felt good to write at least this summed up summary of everything.
I put my self through college being a Bartender and let me assure you it's dirty, smelly hard work with crappy hours. Not very glamorous.
It would not bother me if my SO worked in a club because the money can be good. The biggest flaw is many nights you don't get home till the wee hours of the morning and it can kill your day.
If she is a quality woman, you sure are giving up a good thing just because of her work.
It doesn't sound to me like she's slipping away, it sounds more like you have pushed her away.
I don't know her, of course, but if she's anything like most women, by the time she gets to the point of asking for a break, the relationship is already over. I'm sorry, but I think your unjustified trust issues have killed it.
She is not your possession and can work at whatever job she wants to. It is you who is sabotaging the relationship. Either she is into you, or she is not. It does not matter how many guys hit on her or don't hit on her.
Jealousy kills a lot of otherwise good relationships. It may be hard for you to remember that you don't own her, she is her own person. She is her own person even if she was married to you. I wouldn't want to date a bartender either, but ony because of the hours. On the other hand, she has a job and it can be a job that pays very well under the right circumstances. I suspect you are correct when you feel she is slipping away. If I were her I wouldn't be happy with your selfish, jealous attitude, and I would want a break also.
My main issue with being in a relationship with somebody who works in the restaurant/bar/club/hospitality industry is that, unless that's your scene, too, you're going to be missing out on prime together time with them...particularly if you work standard, day job hours. This doesn't just go for the girlfriend bartender, either...my good friend's husband runs a bar, and if she doesn't hang out there, they have no time together. It's not a lifestyle I'd want, especially not for anything long-term. I value my evenings with my SO, and would not deal well with them being interrupted by a night job of any kind. I did work a second job that had my home between 8-9 p.m. most nights for a while, and that sucked badly enough. I felt like my SO and I never saw one another.
That said, I don't think the hours are the OP's problem, here.
The hours played a big role in it all, any jealousy issue I have come out more when I feel that I haven't seen her in a while. Its ussaly once every week and a half now, for a few hours. I work days, and her nights. Not alot of talking inbetween, as she sleeps when im awake..and vice versa. Something new to get used to I guess. She messaged me today to say she was sorry she hadn't texted me since, and that her phone had been disconnected which is true. I Haven't answered back yet..this really is my first "break." I always said I wouldn't take them and that break should in such a short life..be a break up..but here I am.
She recently took a job working at a Night Club, something I have told her from day one I would not stay with her through. I can say with ease that I do have jealousy and trust issues,
big big big red flag right there
whether you are with this woman, or another woman, your jealousy is a BIG PROBLEM and until you do inner work on yourself, you are going to have relationship problems
see this is an opportunity to address a problem in yourself, work on it, own it, get rid of it, and in so doing your future relationships with women will be lots more fun and happy
the problem is YOU not her
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