New here and glad to have found it. Sorry this is a bit long and could be longer
I am struggling. I was involved in a 2 year relationship with this guy. He made me feel ... special. But we had some issues early on. I had trust issues with him and let him know. One of our conversations was that he doesn't want to ever loose me or want me to ever leave him. I told him do not ever lie to me, hurt me in anyway. He lied to me. It was about something he said he did that I was helping him with and it appeared that he did not. I was fuming that he lied to him not long after I said do not ever lie to me. We didn't talk for a few days. Although he called and left msgs and texts, acting like nothing really happened. We got past it. To me it was the principle/the point of it and not what he "lied" about. At least that time. There was a woman he talked to a lot. He told me things that she said seemed uncomfortable n told him he'll be leading her on. She seemed interested in him. I found out he did not . He ended their friendship, she went psycho. Said things he did and said to her that are not of mere friends. He denied it. She took it too far. They ended up in court for defamation. I still doubted him. Things she wrote didn't make sense. Had major trust issues w/ him. He lied, deceived, n betrayed me more then once. He made me feel desired. He kept doing things that upset me. I verbally abused him which he was very upset over. It came down to that he assaulted and battered me. He pulled me down and had me pinned on the bed. He strangled/choked me twice. Had trouble breathing. The 2nd time is b/c I said I'm calling the cops. Then I yelled for help when he let go but he then put is fingers (both hands) into my mouth and tried to rip them apart. It was horrifying. He said get out. LIke i was going to stay. I called the police. He came out and asked what I was still doing there and told him cops told me to wait. He threatened me he'll ruin my life. Like he didn't cause enough damage as it were. He was in jail FELONY ADW 245(a)(1) thu-mon. didn't want to pursue prosecution. No apology at all. He won't send my stuff.
We were having difficulties this past month. He still wrote and said things like don't ever leave me. What it'll do to him if I leave him. He then started talking with an old friend (female) a LOT. obsessively. I told him try to get together w/ her and let me go. he said he doesn't see her that way yet he was talking w/ her a lot. I told him if he wants to work it out w/ me he should not be talking w/ another girl so much like that. he wouldn't like if i did. Plus he didn't tell her he was involved and working things out. The day b4 he assaulted me this girl called him a dozen times. she left him msgs @ wanting him to call her one more time. she'll show him her poetry, baby pictures whatever he wants she'll do. I told him this is not right. what's going on. he said she has her own issues loosing friends, etc ... n she's just a friend. I told him he needs to tell her he's involved and decrease talking w/ her and not see her. He said he will on his own way. later i found out she went to his family's house and he was with her. He did not tell me then nor the next day. The next day he called her first thing and two more times b4 calling me. We met up. We got into a fight. This is when he strangled me twice n tried to rip my mouth apart for calling for help. I've never seen him that way. He started being really angry person, come to find out, after he started talking with this girl so much. I told him that. He denied it and told me GET USED TO IT. He attacked me n can't say sorry
i spoke with this girl and she doesn't see anything wrong with how much they spoke w/ each other and that he never told her about me or his involvement. i told her that ever since they started obsessively talking w/ each other that he changed that much with an attitude towards me, his behavior and not wanting to tell her he's working on it. she said that's not her problem.they've known each other 10 yrs of which 8.5 yrs she was secluded w/ her ex. she just found out his bday and didn't even know how to spell his last name. i contacted her when he was in jail. helped her look up the info and told her what he did. i've also texted her some more info, including copies of the police rpt. Thinking she'll ignore them on her own or he's told her to ignore them.
I've been researching n abuse doesn't stop n they could end up killing. so one sense worried for her, another sense is i'm struggling w/ what these two have done and said to me. they have seen each other since he got out (of course). i've contacted him to say why he hasn't written to show some remorse or some apology. that he was given chances to let me go and to go be with her (before i knew what the other things) and he didn't want to yet this is what he tried to do me, almost kill me? I spoke w/ an old friend of his and was told he loves me and thank you for not pursuing prosecution. that's it. i don't get it at all. i've been writing almost everyday, leaving msgs n texts. no foul language, just asking why he hasn't send me my things n for some apology.
I stopped all contact and suspect that he's been spending most of his time with her. I think it was b/c of getting attached to her that he acted that way which turned to almost trying to kill me. And I think he doesn't really realize what he did??
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is what it seems like. BUT regardless how could he tell his friend he loves me and can't apologize?
And why is the girl, seeing he was in jail and witnessed he's certain behavior where she's left him a couple of msgs about being left stranded at his "f**king parents house" and "what the f**k you want me to do" but still continues to be with him after what he's done to me? You'd think, after seeing the Who's in Jail report and if reading anything I sent (evidence) is sufficient to stay clear away from the person.
And why won't he send me my things and say nothing?
I am trying hard to move forward. But when I "mull over" what happened and the things he's said and done and did this is so unreal and to think b/c he found someone else and didn't know how to let go, just kills me. I feel like it was all about sex. Especially at the end there. I figured out today it's after I ripped two origami's that this girl made for me when I got upset about what must be going on between them. He denied it all before. The day before she left him disturbing vms. "I'll show you my poetry, my baby pictures if you'll just call me one more time". Couple other msgs of almost a dozen that day was about please call her back just one more time, and sobbing and that's she's not doing too good, etc ... he said she's just moody and later said b/c she was drinking and lost a few friends and didn't want to loose him. He saw her that night, she told me this. He said nothing to me about it when that very day he said he'll start decreasing talking w/ her and only seen her couple of times. It seems like a lot more times. And why he didn't tell me he was seeing her when he was supposed NOT as we were going to work on our relationship. They both deny talking at all kinds of hours and so much is normal and that she didn't find it wrong he never told her about me in the first place.
NOTE: he's bought me a promise ring for 1st bday together, crystal rose (to symbolize love forever), diamond stud earrings for 2nd bday together. Got a vasectomy b/c I asked. He's 33.5 and will never have kids, although he didn't want any anyways but had made a comment @ a week b4 incident about wishing he could impregnate me so I'd stay with him.
I'm struggling ... I'm angry, sad, used ...
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