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I've been married to my husband for 2-1/2 years. I am 47, he is 50. This is a second marriage for us both. We have no kids together, and no kids living with us. I knew/dated/lived with him for four years before we married. For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing. He has absolutely no shame passing gas, belching very loudly, and behaving immaturely in public. I am not a prude - I enjoy cutting up every now and then - but I would never do the things he does. Most recently we were at my son-in-law's birthday get-together. There were about 25 people there and my husband just farted, really loudly. Everyone turned around and looked at him. I was so embarassed and he thought it was funny. Even when we are at home and it is just he and I, when he farts, he laughs every time, at the "noises they make" - so he says. He does this at ball games, grocery stores, EVERYWHERE. He knows it embarasses me but obviously does not care or does not "get it". And he's so immature that we can go into a grocery store and he arranges vegetables to look like male genitila. He does down the craft aisle in Wal-Mart and spells out dirty words with the block letters they sell. He's had 5 different jobs in the short time I've known him. He always gets fired or laid off. (He has a degree and is an accountant). I have to wonder if his employers just get fed up with his obnoxious bodily noises and smells.
I want to go places and do things, but now I just stay home to avoid the embarassment I know will come if I go anywhere with him. We still grocery shop together (because he gets upset if we don't and groceries are something we HAVE to have). I avoid getting together with friends and family, inviting company over, etc. I honestly think I would be happier if I wasn't with him. I don't enjoy being with him anymore. I have actually tried many, many times in the past to leave him (for other reasons that include lying about being seperated from his ex-wife for an entire YEAR when he actually wasn't -- and that's just the beginning of the lies). But he somehow always guilts me into staying.
I'm just tired of being bored and depressed. I know some of you (or a lot of you) will suggest counseling, but I have to say upfront that I don't see that as a possibility. I took my adopted daughter for counseling for years and all the therapists did was enable her to feel sorry for herself - I never saw any benefit from taking her, and yes, I did try several different therapists.
Was he like this when you were dating, farting in public, acting immature and unable to hold a job? Or are you saying he started changing 2.5 years ago, after you married?
(PS I think people here go over board with suggesting counseling.)
ETA: I missed this part: For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing.
Sorry but I think you are out of luck and have to grin and bear it. You knew what you were getting in to, he did not dupe you. The real him came out, and you chose to marry him anyway. I think it is unfair of you to try to control his behavior now.
Last edited by OngletNYC; 11-11-2010 at 09:26 AM..
Stopped reading after the first paragraph, read all I need to. Married over 2yrs previous to 4yrs of living together. He never showed a sign? I doubt that.
Buy him some Beano and ask him to stop doing the things that upset you. If that doesn't work, don't go to his family events, and don't bring him to yours. Or perhaps fight fire with fire. Though it may be an effort for you to behave so tactlessly, you can discuss inappropriate bodily functions in front of his friends and family and see if that makes him uncomfortable enough to compromise.
No-one really likes a crude, stinky azzhole - even family.
It sounds like he likes to annoy people, and seems to enjoy that he annoys you. He sounds closer to 15 than 50. But the constant embarrassing antics areeven less alarming to me than the other two great big red flags: not being able to keep a job, and having lied about not being separated.
All in all it seems like you made a mistake by getting married to him. You sound like you would be happier without him. Despite all of this do you still love him?
You knew what he was like long before you married him. If you don't want to be with someone who behaves this way, you shouldn't have married him. You can either accept who he is or you can leave. Stop allowing him to "guilt" you into staying.
I knew/dated/lived with him for four years before we married. For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing.
Lived with him for FOUR years before you got married. First 1 1/2 years he was a "gentleman" The next 2 1/2 years the "real" him came out.
So what's the problem? You knew what you were getting into, yet you went on to marry him after dealing with the "real" him for 2 1/2 years.
2.5 + 4 = 6.5 - 1.5 (he was the gentleman)= 4.5 years you've known about this. Really?
Yeah, really. It seems like someone is bored at work and decided they needed to join CD and start a thread.
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