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What is the best way to share expenses when you live together and keep separate accounts? We can’t find a system that works, without resentment and arguments.
When we first agreed to live together, he moved in with my children and I. I continued to pay all the bills because they were already set up in my name, with my accounts. He agreed to give me $500, and pay for groceries/dining out. I do pay some for groceries and dining out also. There are times when it just makes sense for me to go to store or pay.
He paid the $500 a few times and then said we spend tons on eating out. I don’t know. He won’t share his bank account transactions with me. By my own calculations, he would have to spend almost $150-$200 a day on food to equal what I spend to run the household.
We agreed to a new budget at the beginning of the year that he would give me $800 as his fair share. He tried to send $500 to me last month but it was lost. So today, as a last ditch effort to finds a system that works, I added him to my account at the bank he uses so he could transfer money right to that account and then I could grab it and send to the bank that I use to pay all bills. He was actually hostile at the bank and was adamant that I should know nothing about his balances. The branch manager kept asking what was wrong with him because he is normally so nice and pleasant. He definitely does not want to share joint bank accounts.
Every time I bring up the conversation, he gets very angry, says he spends all his money on me and I am money hungry. Often times he threatens to leave, so he can have money. I just want to come up with a solution so that I am not paying for everything. He bought garage doors this winter and acts like he contributed the moon. Where I am like, great you paid the same as half the expenses one month...I pay more each and every month. I asked him today what he has made so far this year and it was exactly twice my pay so far. He just yelled that he has nothing.
I realize that I have two kids, so 50/50 would not be fair. But I can’t keep going the way this is. It is hindering my ability to save and life comfortably. We did a two week cruise in March. I paid the $4k fare. I asked him to just pay the bill on the ship. Ended up being $1400. The cruise linked to my card so it hit my account. He has yet to pay me back. Today when I brought it up he just said he will pay for the next vacation. I have already paid the deposit for that trip as well.
I hate to fight about it, and I really don’t think I am being unreasonable to ask for him to contribute.
My next thoughts since he keeps throwing up eating out in my face, that I will ask for separate checks when we eat out and just pay for the kids and I. Then maybe he would be fine paying his portion of bills.
Y’all are trying to live like you’re married while accounting like singles. It makes you both look petty.
I was open to a joint bank account to put our paychecks and pay all household expenses from that account, while keeping savings separate. He was against that also.
I was open to a joint bank account to put our paychecks and pay all household expenses from that account, while keeping savings separate. He was against that also.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
35,637 posts, read 17,989,189 times
Reputation: 50679
I wonder where this is going.
Do you intend to marry him and have more children?
Honestly, he sounds incredibly cheap and petty. I'd have kind of a hard time getting worked up to have sex with a guy who is freeloading while making twice what you make, and whining about it all the while.
And I do wonder what he's hiding from you. If he's willing to tell you what he makes, what is in his bank account that he's trying to keep hidden?
Could be he wants to be more frugal or he could be ashamed of debt, could be a number of things.
Unless he personally knows the bank manager, I would be concerned about his behavior at bank though.
Oh he definitely said he wants to spend less eating out and on groceries. To me I was like great, so you want me to take on those expenses as well.
This is petty. And honestly it is not a money issue, it is a relationship issue. We have a fair amount of money coming into this house every month. We should not be arguing.
He does know the bank manager. She has been helping him handle his accounts for years.
Do you intend to marry him and have more children?
Honestly, he sounds incredibly cheap and petty. I'd have kind of a hard time getting worked up to have sex with a guy who is freeloading while making twice what you make, and whining about it all the while.
And I do wonder what he's hiding from you. If he's willing to tell you what he makes, what is in his bank account that he's trying to keep hidden?
I intended on marriage. No more kids for me.
I don’t know. I saw it probably a year ago but not recently. He has no debt.
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