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Don't have them unless you're 100% sure you won't divorce your spouse.
Do you really believe there are that many people around who are so calculating that they decide to get married and start a family knowing full well they intend to divorce their spouse?
Honestly?
Most people go into a relationship with hopes for a long and happy future together. Sh/t happens, marriages fail, people divorce...that's life.
Ideally, Denny, people also wouldn't get hitched unless they were not only incredibly compatible but also incredibly skilled at compromise and working things out.
edit: For what it's worth, until my parents split up I never saw marriage as some sort of prison. Yeah they argued sometimes but hell even best friends argue from time to time. It wasn't till my dad one day told me they were having a separation that I came to realize that sometimes marriage is a much bigger decision than just choosing to love someone till death do ye apart.
Seriously, you can only relay how YOU feel about YOUR situation and it doesn't apply to everyone. I was elated when my parents divorced and hated every living minute of their marriage. There was a lot of nuclear fallout to recover from that marriage. It literally was sheer hell and I wished they'd gotten a divorce sooner. But I'm just repeating myself again from the other thread.
So, your opinion is just that your opinion and you can't just blanket everyone and every situation with it.
Oh, that's just a coincidence. We celebrated our anniversary while separated and "dating" - each other that is!
My ex and I dated for a couple of months about a year after we divorced. We just wanted the sex. It was the only thing we had going for us! We both thought it was really weird how we rarely had sex in the last years of our marriage, but after the dust of the divorced settled, it was all the freaking time!
It stopped when I started dating someone else, though.
Ideally, Denny, people also wouldn't get hitched unless they were not only incredibly compatible but also incredibly skilled at compromise and working things out.
edit: For what it's worth, until my parents split up I never saw marriage as some sort of prison. Yeah they argued sometimes but hell even best friends argue from time to time. It wasn't till my dad one day told me they were having a separation that I came to realize that sometimes marriage is a much bigger decision than just choosing to love someone till death do ye apart.
First of all, no one goes into a marriage believing they have it all figured out. They can't anticipate everything that'll happen or how they'll react to it. Second, they can believe they're perfectly compatible and both skilled at compromise only to discover later that they weren't as compatible or good at compromising as they thought.
The problem is that you're linking marriage with parenting. I've met plenty of married couples who make god-awful parents. I've also met couples who've divorced that went on to be great parents. They sucked at being married to one another, but they're both committed to being good parents to their kids and that's what matters most when you decide to have kids. Will you commit to doing what's best for them and working with the other parent regardless of what happens? That kind of commitment isn't restricted to people who marry. There are some couples out there who have kids, but never marry. Do you think their kids are worse off than the people who grew up in a household where the parents were unhappy, but stayed married?
Why? Even if you stay together, is that supposed to guarantee a better life for your kids. People stay in lousy marriages for the sake of their kids all the time. Problem is the kids realize and too often grow up to think kids make life miserable. Is that the kind of people you want to see more of, the ones who think marriage is a prison that people are stuck in if they have kids?
Yes. Marriage is a prison and kids really do make life miserable. The more people that realize that, the better.
My parents getting divorced was the best thing that happened to our family. They were so unhappy together and now they are so happy living their own lives. I wish they had gotten divorced much earlier. I had been waiting for them to ever since I was 13 and they finally did when I was 20. I would have much rather dealt with Mom's house vs. Dad's house than their constant fighting.
IMO, I think staying together at any emotional cost is NOT necessarily the best idea. If two people really can't stand each other anymore, they shouldn't be living together anymore! And from the kid's perspective, IMO, watching my parents fight was worse than having divorced parents is now.
Of course you would know all about marriage and kids at the age of 19
I don't know all about marriage and kids. I don't care to ever learn. But I know enough to realize marriage and kids are not something I want. I don't want to be one of those people that realizes my mistake 20 years from now. Luckily, I realize at a young age I don't want marriage or kids.
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