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I'm in my mid-20's. I'm 5' 7" and 150 pounds. I'm very successful career-wise and about to accept a new job that will pay in the 70K-80K range. I am very independent, have a nice car, have a very cute smile, and handsome face. I love art, museums, politics, philosophy, computers, daydreaming about things (at some point in life I will invent or create something new and interesting with all of the weird thoughts I have in my head!), biking/working out...
I haven't had any closer friends since my high school days and have barely dated around. I've never had a long term girlfriend but throughout the years I have been with a few women short term. I just feel so behind when it comes to dating. A guy my age would have already been with several women and have had at least one or two long term relationships by now. At least that's how I feel. It's not so much about the number of dates or women for me as much as the experience that is gained from all of the dates and women. I feel like I am still 15 in the dating world in a 25 year old's body. I feel like it will be difficult to get to the point where I can "catch up". Do women in general care about how much experience the guy has had with women? If you like someone you wouldn't care right? Or is that not the case?
For someone in my type of situation, what should I do? My occupation is male-centric so I don't know if I would be able to meet any women at work. Over the years I've been using the online dating sites but feel like they are too limiting in a way. For people in my age group, what really works these days for getting dates? I've tried going to bars and feel like women my age don't want to be bothered there. I thought women liked it when a guy initiates conversation? Realistically, what are my chances of finding someone based on all of the info above? Do I not need to worry about my lack of experience?
Anyone (male or female) feel like they are behind and don't know how to catch up when it comes to the dating world? How did you overcome that feeling?
You're fine. Don't worry about it. You haven't been wasting your life and twenty-five is young. The things you think you are missing aren't worth missing and if you keep making good decisions and continuing to grow as a person, chances are very good that you'll find the right person or decide that you don't need someone to be happy. I'd be more concerned that you haven't been making friends since highschool than I would be that you haven't followed the common male/female track. I suspect if you had more friends, or were more open to friends, not only would you be more likely to be exposed to more suitable women, you would probably get more supportive feedback from your friends and they'd reassure you that you aren't weird or missing anything. Good luck. Perhaps 2011 will be a more rewarding year.
You're fine. Don't worry about it. You haven't been wasting your life and twenty-five is young. The things you think you are missing aren't worth missing and if you keep making good decisions and continuing to grow as a person, chances are very good that you'll find the right person or decide that you don't need someone to be happy. I'd be more concerned that you haven't been making friends since highschool than I would be that you haven't followed the common male/female track. I suspect if you had more friends, or were more open to friends, not only would you be more likely to be exposed to more suitable women, you would probably get more supportive feedback from your friends and they'd reassure you that you aren't weird or missing anything. Good luck. Perhaps 2011 will be a more rewarding year.
Excellento To Caldus-When you least expect it, love will find you. Keep doing what you're doing and the right woman will come along. You've got a lot going for yourself so focus on that. Or you may come to realize you don't need a woman to make you happy. I'm in your shoes basically and while I desire a relationship with a good woman, I don't necessarily need one to be happy. A good woman is to compliment my life, not complete me. That's how you need to look at it.
Do not let yourself fall into this trap. I've seen so many people my age try to live their life according to someone else's timetable and, more often than not, it caused them to make bad decisions. When I was in my 20s, there was so much pressure to get married. If you didn't get married by the time you were 30, you were seen as a failure. And when you see all your peers getting hitched, it's easy to feel like you're behind. But a lot of those same people who got married are now divorced or probably close to it. Many have kids and will have to spend the rest of their lives dealing with an ex. I've never been married and don't have kids. But anytime I catch myself feeling behind, I tell myself that it's better do things right the first time than rush things.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 12-25-2010 at 09:47 AM..
Do not let your fall into this trap. I've seen so many people my age try to live their life according to someone else's timetable and, more often than not, it caused them to make bad decisions. When I was in my 20s, there was so much pressure to get married. If you didn't get married by the time you were 30, you were seen as a failure. And when you see all your peers getting hitched, it's easy to feel like you're behind. But a lot of those same people who got married are now divorced or probably close to it. Many have kids will have to spend the rest of their lives dealing with an ex. I've never been married and don't have kids. But anytime I catch myself feeling behind, I tell myself that it's better do things right the first time than rush things.
I can co-sign this. If you can get it right the first time, do so. Why make things harder than necessary?
Do women in general care about how much experience the guy has had with women? If you like someone you wouldn't care right?
I wouldn't care. From your post, you sound like a great guy with a good income and a great head on your shoulders. It's easy for us to say "don't worry about it," but I sense you will still brood about this.
Online dating sites, bars, pick-up places... forget it. Try to meet an educated woman your age who is is interested in a real relationship, not just a roll in the hay. Don't worry about your perceived lack of experience. Millions of people in their 20's, of both genders, have never had any sexual experience. They just don't broadcast it.
Most women I know are totally turned off by promiscuity in men. I know I am. I have always recoiled from men who just add another notch on their belt. So your perceived "inexperience" will be very attractive to a strong-willed and independent lady. Don't think that a man who has bedded 500 women is better in the sack than a man who has only made love to one. In fact, I would choose the less experienced man in a heartbeat.
Most women I know are totally turned off by promiscuity in men. I know I am. I have always recoiled from men who just add another notch on their belt. So your perceived "inexperience" will be very attractive to a strong-willed and independent lady. Don't think that a man who has bedded 500 women is better in the sack than a man who has only made love to one. In fact, I would choose the less experienced man in a heartbeat.
It's the same with me. The women friends I have are totally disgusted by men who sleep around. They have a saying "If these men don't stop sleeping with these ho's, their meat (slang for penis) is going to turn rancid" Yea, just like I look down on promiscuous women, I also look down on promiscuous men.
I'm in my mid-20's. I'm 5' 7" and 150 pounds. I'm very successful career-wise and about to accept a new job that will pay in the 70K-80K range. I am very independent, have a nice car, have a very cute smile, and handsome face. I love art, museums, politics, philosophy, computers, daydreaming about things (at some point in life I will invent or create something new and interesting with all of the weird thoughts I have in my head!), biking/working out...
I haven't had any closer friends since my high school days and have barely dated around. I've never had a long term girlfriend but throughout the years I have been with a few women short term. I just feel so behind when it comes to dating. A guy my age would have already been with several women and have had at least one or two long term relationships by now. At least that's how I feel. It's not so much about the number of dates or women for me as much as the experience that is gained from all of the dates and women. I feel like I am still 15 in the dating world in a 25 year old's body. I feel like it will be difficult to get to the point where I can "catch up". Do women in general care about how much experience the guy has had with women? If you like someone you wouldn't care right? Or is that not the case?
For someone in my type of situation, what should I do? My occupation is male-centric so I don't know if I would be able to meet any women at work. Over the years I've been using the online dating sites but feel like they are too limiting in a way. For people in my age group, what really works these days for getting dates? I've tried going to bars and feel like women my age don't want to be bothered there. I thought women liked it when a guy initiates conversation? Realistically, what are my chances of finding someone based on all of the info above? Do I not need to worry about my lack of experience?
Anyone (male or female) feel like they are behind and don't know how to catch up when it comes to the dating world? How did you overcome that feeling?
Almost in the exact same boat as you here my friend (a few years older though)...and you have my sincere sympathies. As far as what you could do change it: please don't give up...keep dating and trying to meet girls, in any way you can. Online dating, attending meet-up events, even attending church. I tried all of the above without success (30 dates this year alone, but no luck), and even though it has personally been very discouraging for me also, I'm struggling to keep going and not give up. The good news is, the more practice you get in dating, even if the dates themselves are unsuccessful, the more you'll be able to get "the hang" of things. I've found that in my case, I was much savvier by date #30, than date #1, this year.
Good luck to you my friend! I wish you the very best, and sincerely hope you find the girl of your dreams, and the girl you are looking for, who will love you, for exactly who you are
You need to improve your social skills and develop a larger social network. Try some activity based group (ie. exercise group, interest group, habitat for humanity, animal rights orgs., environmental orgs, etc). I think girls would think your a catch but you have to really develop your personality and passions.
You sound just like ed norton in fight club talking about your ikea furniture. Stop thinking about conforming and build yourself up your own way that makes you happy (people not possessions is whats important).
Also try that meetup.com thing people keep hawking.
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To Caldus-When you least expect it, love will find you. Keep doing what you're doing and the right woman will come along. You've got a lot going for yourself so focus on that. Or you may come to realize you don't need a woman to make you happy. I'm in your shoes basically and while I desire a relationship with a good woman, I don't necessarily need one to be happy. A good woman is to compliment my life, not complete me. That's how you need to look at it.
