Gf's family jumping the gun on our relationship (friends, straight, different)
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You really do have to talk about it with your Lady. Don't let another day go by without you saying something. You really don't have to speak to anyone else but her. Some families tend to start wedding plans without consulting BOTH parties on what they expect and desire in the next year, 5 years, 10 years.
At this point, your Lady might even take it wrong and think that you don't have intentions to stay with her. You do realize when you speak to her that you really have to choose your words wisely. You MUST be clear and concise. One misspoken word and they will all instantly hate you.
If you love her, do it right and do it ASAP. Ask her to let you express yourself fully so you can truly make her understand what you mean or don't mean. If you intend on staying with her make it clear to her, but also make it clear that the decisions that are going to affect your life together have to be determined by her and you, and then funneled to the rest of the families involved, and not the other way around. Apologize for not having spoken sooner.
Speak to her alone, the both of you can talk to every else about it together. After all, the relationship is You and Her - not you and her/her family. Same for her.
If you guys are going to spend the rest of your lives together, it has to be decided by both of you and the family should not be involved in the decision.
I hope I don't sound like a jerk - I'm not trying to come off as such. But marriage is between two people.
Why is it your girlfriend thinks marriage/kids is in your future when your not sure she is even the right girl for you?
Unless there is more to the story... I guess I'm thinking you are kind of a jerk for not letting her know where you stand. You know where she stands.
I know men are usually seen as the villains in these kinds of situations but just look at it the other way around. If a guy started dating a girl and were in a normal steady relationship and he was the one telling her about kids, children's names, etc. Wouldn't he be considered a creep by woman's standards? We would probably hear woman complain that the guy is trying to control her or something.
This girl should settle down a little. She's thinking of children already and not even about spending some time with the man she is supposed to love. I thought it was normal for couples to want to spend a year or two just by themselves enjoying some travelling, projects, going out, etc.
I know men are usually seen as the villains in these kinds of situations but just look at it the other way around. If a guy started dating a girl and were in a normal steady relationship and he was the one telling her about kids, children's names, etc. Wouldn't he be considered a creep by woman's standards? We would probably hear woman complain that the guy is trying to control her or something.
This girl should settle down a little. She's thinking of children already and not even about spending some time with the man she is supposed to love. I thought it was normal for couples to want to spend a year or two just by themselves enjoying some travelling, projects, going out, etc.
You're totally right. I was going to address this same comment... glad you beat me to it!
lThis girl should settle down a little. She's thinking of children already and not even about spending some time with the man she is supposed to love. I thought it was normal for couples to want to spend a year or two just by themselves enjoying some travelling, projects, going out, etc.
I suppose some folks have different priorities. Some folks want to have families right away, others want to pursue their careers, travel, etc.
How do I deal with visiting her mother and my gf and hearing about all these plans? I'm getting sick of it. I just sit there and smile, and say "yup" and let her ramble on (maybe thats not even the smartest thing to do), but its driving me nuts!!
Wuss
Aside from the ASSumptions your GF and her mother are making, you don't sound all that wunnerful as marriage material yourself. Is ""yup" and let her ramble on" a communication tactic you'll continue into marriage? You two need to sit down and discuss your life plans. Sounds like they really aren't compatible.
Btw, you might want to make sure your birth control methods are stringent. Dollars to donuts she'll attempt an "oops" once she finds out that you aren't taking her future plans seriously.
I get you don't want to hurt this girl (or her family's feelings) or feel like you're letting everyone down, but you'll let 'em down and hurt 'em way more if you keep up this facade. Or maybe you're not sure about her, but you're afraid if you say, "Slow down!" she will think, "Relationship over."
Privately discuss this. You not only have to have total honesty in your relationship, but you must also feel like you can talk openly and freely about your feelings. Especially something as important as this.
Aside from the ASSumptions your GF and her mother are making, you don't sound all that wunnerful as marriage material yourself. Is ""yup" and let her ramble on" a communication tactic you'll continue into marriage? You two need to sit down and discuss your life plans. Sounds like they really aren't compatible.
I knew you were a female before I even clicked on your profile.
Bit of background: We've been dating a year and a half and are 24 years old. I am a college student and will be earning my B.S. degree in the spring for Business. My gf works F/T taking Clients out into the community and has a high school diploma/no college experience.
Whenever I visit I get to hear about all the plans when the baby comes, our marriage, wedding, the house etc. Her mom wanted to take pictures of us cutting down the xmas tree to show our kids and keep a log/picture book of it each year. My gf is leaving her hair long for the wedding. She's also into the "when we have a baby/house...." I told her when we first met that I'm moving and she is very open to the idea. She is all but ready to give her employee a.....8 MONTH notice. C'mon...really?
The thing is, I'm not thinking about any of that. I am concentrating on college, what I need to do to pass the next exam and what needs to be in the next big report. I live for the moment. Who knows what will happen tomorrow and if she is even the right girl for me. I've done my research on moving and will be visiting Dallas in March. Right around then I'll job search, apartment search and all the other fun things.
How do I deal with visiting her mother and my gf and hearing about all these plans? I'm getting sick of it. I just sit there and smile, and say "yup" and let her ramble on (maybe thats not even the smartest thing to do), but its driving me nuts!!
Yikes, run, don't walk out of that one. Sounds like she thinks it's already a done deal. You are young, get out and see the world. Don't get married so young. Sounds like your priorities are straight, now just stand up to her and let her know you are on different wavelengths.
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