Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So often I just keep a muzzle on it, but it sucks. It's no fun when you can't just be who you are, OR you have to second guess everything you say OR you have to be super-careful about everything you say. I don't mean to sound whiny, I've just been frustrated about this situation for a very long time. The *one time* I let myself be myself, I get so much crap for it, and I didn't really even do anything wrong, imo.
Nah I definitely understand, I'm often the odd girl out myself. Frustration is an old friend of mine, but more like a frenemy!
As for the New Year's thing, obviously it is going to suck, but if that girl will not be there, like I said, 'damage control'. It might actually clear things up a little between you and the rest of the people at least!
More than anything, I just want to forget about it and let it go, but we keep getting invited to stuff and which renews the drama because it hasn't been resolved between her and I and eventually we're going to be in a situation where we're forced to spend time together.
Also, for me, there's the bigger problem of "how am I going to handle being around these people" in the future.
Nah I definitely understand, I'm often the odd girl out myself. Frustration is an old friend of mine, but more like a frenemy!
As for the New Year's thing, obviously it is going to suck, but if that girl will not be there, like I said, 'damage control'. It might actually clear things up a little between you and the rest of the people at least!
so...do I have to go to NYE? If I sit it out and let my bf go without me, do you all think I'll be seen as a standoffish b-word?
So what do you ladies think I should do about New Year's? She won't be there, but I really don't enjoy hanging out with his female friends (they're all married to his male friends). I feel like I can't be myself around them and it's just a huge time-suck. A waste of time.
But at the same time, I know how we spend New Year's isn't just about *me* and what I want, so I don't want to be difficult or uncompromising.
So, it doesn't really sound like they are your boyfriends female friends, but rather the signifiicant others of your boyfriends male friends, right? in other words, THEY aren't important to him but that they are connected to his buds.
Since some amount of getting together with them in probably inevitable, just smile and sit back, don't allow yourself to be drawn in too much. Some women just love drama, but you don't have to participate. Since the one you had the drama with isn't going to be there for New Year's, consider compromising with your boyfriend by maybe hanging with them for a while but then moving on to another party or event.
so...do I have to go to NYE? If I sit it out and let my bf go without me, do you all think I'll be seen as a standoffish b-word?
I would not abandon my sweetie or New Years Eve!
See if you can convince him to do something else or at least agree to move on to another event after you've been there a while so you don't have to spend the whole night with these people.
I have learned after a lot of years that when someone is suffering (especially the women) it is best to just commiserate. Being a problem solver (a typical guy) when presented with a situation, like you describe, I would tend to bring out a solution for the problem or at least a explanation as to how the problem might have came about. It rarely helped and quite often just caused friction.
The truth is not what the person suffering is wanting. Likely they know it already. What they want is sympathy. So sorry you got into the mess you are in. Time usually has a way of healing, trying to further justify what you told this gal simply delays things. Good luck.
If I sit it out and let my bf go without me, do you all think I'll be seen as a standoffish b-word?
Probably.
Either way, you'll have to face it eventually. Might as well do it on a holiday where everyone will probably be drinking lol.
I think whether you go or not, the two of you should stand united, either go together, or stay home together. Don't let it come between the two of you...because that will just create even more distance.
See if you can convince him to do something else or at least agree to move on to another event after you've been there a while so you don't have to spend the whole night with these people.
Yes, I guess I should talk to him about it, but he hates dealing with this type of drama and it's just going to stress him out and make him feel he has to choose between his friends or me so I've kind of been avoiding talking to him about it.
Well if you don't go then I would assume people will wonder where you are and then gossip about it. If you don't care about gossip then don't go but these people seem like they like drama and will talk about it.
The problem lies in the fact that it is human nature to blame/kill the messenger. You were the bearer of bad news so she hates you for it. It is tough as you were just "telling it straight". I am a feel-y type of person so if you were to have said what you said to me then I would be very hurt. I do not want to hear that my ex is "embarrassed" by me at all. Who wants to feel as if they are an embarrassment to someone? Even if we were incompatible then it would just make me feel like s**t. I don't hear him being an a--hole, I hear rejection. No one wants to be rejected. So in that sense, you hurt her feelings by telling the "truth". I know its your personality but for other types its like jarring to someone's "fragile" esteem and ego.
I have learned after a lot of years that when someone is suffering (especially the women) it is best to just commiserate. Being a problem solver (a typical guy) when presented with a situation, like you describe, I would tend to bring out a solution for the problem or at least a explanation as to how the problem might have came about. It rarely helped and quite often just caused friction.
The truth is not what the person suffering is wanting. Likely they know it already. What they want is sympathy. So sorry you got into the mess you are in. Time usually has a way of healing, trying to further justify what you told this gal simply delays things. Good luck.
Well, in my defense, I provided sympathy, too. It wasn't like I was all, "He hates you. Get over it." LOL
I just read the situation wrong. She kept asking questions like, "Do you think we'll get back together??!??" and "I don't know what to do! What should I do!??" and I mistakenly believed she wanted an honest opinion. Lesson learned. LOL
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
