When boyfriend gets close to another female (date, girl, love)
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What do you guys think about same sex friendships?
I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our relationship isn't perfect, but which one is? Overall he is a very sweet guy, but in the last year and a half he became very close to a female co-worker of his. I have to admit it bothered me when I found out he started having communications with her outside of work. I didn't understand why they had to speak to each other over the phone when they saw each other everyday.
I tried my best and did my part to welcome her as his "friend", but didn't feel comfortable being around her and asked him to please not set up any meetings with her because I didn't want to be put in that situation again. This past year has been rough for us. He lost his job, I was diagnosed with cancer (fine now) so he doesn't work with her anymore, but he kept the relationship going regardless of how I felt about it.
What made the situation worse was when he tried to hide the fact he set up a lunch date with her. I found out about the meeting by reading his e-mail. He tells me the reason he hid it from me was because he knew how I felt about her and didn't want to upset me.
Anyway, to not make this any longer we have been arguing about this for months and even if things go well it always seems to come up. We have been close to breaking up many times because this has brought up trust issues. I have asked him to stop talking to her. I don't want them to be friends anymore, but he refuses to and tells me that he'll do anything to avoid her, which he has not. He has a new job, she has his work e-mail, they are friends on facebook and I have tried to put it past us, but he really is not helping. Perhaps I am making a big deal out of this? After all they are "just friends".
You could look at it from two perspectives, he values his friendship with her, he knows you can't get everything from one person no matter how great they are and he is not going to let you destroy the friendship they have developed.
Or hes cheating on you or it could lead to that.
Sounds like the trust issues run both ways. You dont like him having a female friend and he probably doesnt appreciate you snooping in his email. You need to be prepared to handle anything when youre nosy!
I don't see the wrong in your boyfriend having a close friend that is a female. Male friends can be worse trouble as the talk tends to locker room quality and talking about chicks in a derogatory way. Do you have any close friends besides your boyfriend? Humans are social creatures and it's not healthy for a couple to only keep to themselves.
Sorry but I went through with my boyfriend and his "best friend" (female). If he is lying to you about it then it is a problem regardless of his reasons.
IMO he doesn't respect you enough to drop the friendship. Depending on how long and serious your relationship is I think that relationships are more important than friendship. But the relationships where you see yourself with the other person forever and want a future and family with them.
He's being dishonest ("tells me that he'll do anything to avoid her, which he has not"), secretive ("he tried to hide the fact he set up a lunch date with her"), and shows a lack of concern for your feelings ("he kept the relationship going regardless of how I felt about it"). I think your relationship with him has problems outside the stress his female friend is creating.
I think his main flaw is not being completely honest, if it were just a friendship I would just make you deal with it. Not being completely honest allows for doubt.
I do have friendships at work with other guys, but I would never let those friendships intefere with the relationship I have with my boyfriend. What bothers me the most and gets me thinking is his covering up.
I would have never felt the need to check his e-mail if I didn't think something was going on behind my back. As his partner of 3 years I think I have the right to know he has a lunch date with another female.
Yes, I do believe that people can be attracted to someone else while being in a relationship, but I also think if that's the case then you should not be involved. I have an issue with that girl and he knows it, so why isn't he being considerate of my feelings and stop communicating with her? This way we can move forward and try to make this work.
He did offer you to be a part of it, and you backed out. But obviously this friendship is somehow, in some way, important to him, because he isn't dropping it no matter how many times you've fought.
I agree with everyone - it could lead to something else. I'd back "in" again, so you know what's going on, and can see the nonverbal stuff, too.
What do you guys think about same sex friendships?
I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our relationship isn't perfect, but which one is? Overall he is a very sweet guy, but in the last year and a half he became very close to a female co-worker of his. I have to admit it bothered me when I found out he started having communications with her outside of work. I didn't understand why they had to speak to each other over the phone when they saw each other everyday.
I tried my best and did my part to welcome her as his "friend", but didn't feel comfortable being around her and asked him to please not set up any meetings with her because I didn't want to be put in that situation again. This past year has been rough for us. He lost his job, I was diagnosed with cancer (fine now) so he doesn't work with her anymore, but he kept the relationship going regardless of how I felt about it.
What made the situation worse was when he tried to hide the fact he set up a lunch date with her. I found out about the meeting by reading his e-mail. He tells me the reason he hid it from me was because he knew how I felt about her and didn't want to upset me.
Anyway, to not make this any longer we have been arguing about this for months and even if things go well it always seems to come up. We have been close to breaking up many times because this has brought up trust issues. I have asked him to stop talking to her. I don't want them to be friends anymore, but he refuses to and tells me that he'll do anything to avoid her, which he has not. He has a new job, she has his work e-mail, they are friends on facebook and I have tried to put it past us, but he really is not helping. Perhaps I am making a big deal out of this? After all they are "just friends".
looks like he tried to keep the freindship very open by being with her and you at the same time. but you have made him be secrative about it, which will lead to making it something more between he and her. now they have something "taboo" together and hiding it from you.
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