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I think at times there has to be two sides to a man. There certainly is to me. Away from work I am a kind,giving and fun to be around guy. At work I am firm, demanding, pretty much all business.
Good men are what nice guys grow up to be. Eventually they take so much crap from women that they can't do anything but be stoic about it. "He takes care of his kid and the 4 others that she has from 4 other men, hes such a good man."
Really? Someone said that? WHAT a misogynistic anal orifice!
But, see, people like that never were nice to begin with. Chances are this guy only pretended to be nice just to get laid. That's the third kind of "nice guy," the faux nice guy with the ulterior motive.
A good man has integrity, does what is right because it's the right thing to do and not because of what he can get out of it for himself, and owns both his faults and his anger when they crop up.
^^^ This ^^^ I don't see "nice" guys as being pushovers. Nice people and Good people are synonomous in my eyes. Nice people shouldn't be pushovers....and if you're "appearing" to be nice....that's all it is...it's an act. When I hear the term "good man", well....I always find myself thinking...Hmmm good, how? Define "good". Good as in nice? Good as in bed?.....Good at fixing things? To me, you have to be nice in order to be good. Again...no one should be a pushover and even "nice/good" people can and should be able to display "righteous anger"......folks who are unable to do so are what I call "flatliners". LOL
Good men are what nice guys grow up to be. Eventually they take so much crap from women that they can't do anything but be stoic about it. "He takes care of his kid and the 4 others that she has from 4 other men, hes such a good man."
Heh, that's a different way of defining things, sure. Do men get to be something other than nice guys, good men, or (presumably) bad boys? That's a pretty rough outlook, if so.
Bad boys are chasing 20 something nurses in a home when their time is winding down, good men are stuck shelling out money to grand children. Can men be something else? Sure. I'm not nice or bad, I'm cruel and I enjoy being so.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a nice guy, and just because a guy professes to be "nice" doesn't mean that he's full of latent hatred towards women and a deep, burning desire to punish them for anything. Plenty of nice guys successfully date, marry, and have families.
This internet phenomenon of "nice guy" bashing is just tired and pointless. Why bother making all these semantic divisions that dictate whether a guy is a "nice guy" or a "good guy?" If a guy says he's nice but then laments his inability to find a woman or that "all the good women go towards jerks," and so he decides that he's going to go on the offensive, he's a loser. That pejorative has been around for ages and is a much more apt description of the sort of guy now referred to as a "nice guy."
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a nice guy, and just because a guy professes to be "nice" doesn't mean that he's full of latent hatred towards women and a deep, burning desire to punish them for anything. Plenty of nice guys successfully date, marry, and have families.
This internet phenomenon of "nice guy" bashing is just tired and pointless. Why bother making all these semantic divisions that dictate whether a guy is a "nice guy" or a "good guy?" If a guy says he's nice but then laments his inability to find a woman or that "all the good women go towards jerks," and so he decides that he's going to go on the offensive, he's a loser. That pejorative has been around for ages and is a much more apt description of the sort of guy now referred to as a "nice guy."
-Self-professed a-hole.
Here's my opening statement below. My post was not meant to be a free-standing bashfest but a tangent to an existing conversation, but I can understand the "enough, already" sentiment. I have it too at times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
In another thread yesterday, I said that nice guys should stop trying to be so nice and to try to be good men instead. I was asked to elaborate but the thread was closed, so here goes. These are only my opinions, so please don't expect me to defend my semantics as some universal truth. Your mileage may vary.
^^^ This ^^^ I don't see "nice" guys as being pushovers. Nice people and Good people are synonomous in my eyes. Nice people shouldn't be pushovers....and if you're "appearing" to be nice....that's all it is...it's an act. When I hear the term "good man", well....I always find myself thinking...Hmmm good, how? Define "good". Good as in nice? Good as in bed?.....Good at fixing things? To me, you have to be nice in order to be good. Again...no one should be a pushover and even "nice/good" people can and should be able to display "righteous anger"......folks who are unable to do so are what I call "flatliners". LOL
Not attractive or enticing to WHOM? The excitement junkie? The one who will have their heart burst at 29 years of age because of their constant need for stimulation? Aren't you getting back to the "bad-boy" argument here?
I've known plenty of women who prefer bland to extravagant, who prefer middle-of-the-road guys to manic-depressives. It's that swinging pendulum concept again...some are born to swing wildly through the branches, others are content to sit quietly on the ground. Labeling one as superior to the other is, in my opinion, a mistake of amateur proportions.
Again, way too much hyperbole here. My husband is very much like Julia's husband. Kind, charitable, always willing to help. But he is not a doormat. He won't take crap from people and puts them in their place, if need be. But he does it in a very diplomatic, non-violent way. I've actually learned a lot from him since we've been together.
But I wouldn't label him a nice guy. A nice guy is someone who won't say his true feelings because he doesn't want others to dislike him. He is the one who changes his stripes to get the girl. No one wants that type of person around.
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Good as in nice? Good as in bed?.....Good at fixing things? 
