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I am sorry to hear about the OP's heartbreak. There is no way to prevent someone from cheating if they decide to do it. Gender friendship is not the issue. It is the character of the person who is supposed to be committed to their marriage. Now all that being said if u my man I am not putting up with friends being too close especially if it is another female. Men and women tend to have a difficult time just being friends without any sexual attraction. I know it my not be the case in every situation, but it is more often than not.
Dead give away #1 is the "He's just a friend". No such thing as "just" a friend (unless hes gay). "Just" in this context is used to make something seem minimal. "Dad its just one C on the report card". "Officer I was just going 9 over".
None of my friends are "Just" friends. My friends are few and far between. And they are people I would take my shirt off in the rain and give to if need be. Woman tend to not have many friends. They have frienemies. They share activities and interest with each other but at the end of the day they will gossip, back stab, etc. So for a woman to have a real friend, they would make it clear, and they would not try to minimize it. A friend is something to be cherished. It wouldn't be "he's just a friend", it would be "back off thats my friend and I love em".
Second, what woman says "hes like a little brother to me"? Again, this is a red flag, unless said dude is gay. Though I never had sisters, a lot of my friends did. And if there is one thing I can tell you, sisters hate their littler brothers. Their spoiled, snotty, dirty, and they stare at their friends while their changing/ going to the bathroom.
The only chicks who liked their brothers growing up, were the ones with whom they had a significant age gap. At which time its more or a peer-maternal motherly instinct. And it consists more of looking out for and giving advise to, not being buddy with.
Honestly dude, I hear ya. With my long term girlfriend, I tend to take the approach that I judge each case by merit. There are some people I trust and some people I do not trust. For instance, my girlfriend is good friends with a friend of mine (a mutual friend) and I would trust both of them if they went and hung out in my absence (he just so happens to be happily married with 2 kids). Then again, there are other guys who I would not trust at all. She had a friend who was in a band, very creative and was always feeling sorry for this guy. She ended up nipping it in the bud as it was causing problems in our relationship and the guy was crossing boundaries, having +1 hour conversations with my girlfriend, to the point that she felt sorry for him.
Men and women can be friends, but it varies case by case. Guys are very predatory and the moment they sniff discord in a marriage or a relationship, they'll pounce.
The problem is not male-female friendship, the problem is that your wife was decieving and cheating on you. Even if you had forbidden her to have a male friend, it would not have shielded you from cheating.
We're in 2011. You don't need to have a friendship to cheat, all you need is an internet connection and 15 minutes.
You can't control people. You can only control with who you chose to be with. You're looking for something to blame, like friendship with the oppposite gender but the only problem here was your wife. Just move on.
Gosh.. so very true... that is another topic in itself... I hope you are doing better today.. we do care and want to help you get through this... your wife was so VERY wrong and yes you will learn (eventually) to "carry on"
Just found out that my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for years with a guy that was "just a friend" and that she told me 1,000,000 times was only like a "little brother" to her. I never trusted the guy from day one and my gut instinct proved to be right all along!
Before I get hopelessly drunk, I am warning any of you guys out there who have wives with male friends. It is NEVER platonic! Male or female, when you take the oath of marriage, you should NOT have friends of the opposite sex, unless they are mutual friends that you hang out with as a couple, rather than have 2 hour conversations with on the phone while hubby or wifey isn't home.
So true. Women who keep guy friends and think its nothing, there is ALWAYS something, even if the guy is truly a good friend and has no other intentions, if he can't have her then he can't be a 100% platonic friend, and the exceptions are slim to none. I don't know why women don't get this. Especially when they are jealous as hell for their man to have a female friend. It's a two way street.
Just found out that my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for years with a guy that was "just a friend" and that she told me 1,000,000 times was only like a "little brother" to her. I never trusted the guy from day one and my gut instinct proved to be right all along!
Before I get hopelessly drunk, I am warning any of you guys out there who have wives with male friends. It is NEVER platonic! Male or female, when you take the oath of marriage, you should NOT have friends of the opposite sex, unless they are mutual friends that you hang out with as a couple, rather than have 2 hour conversations with on the phone while hubby or wifey isn't home.
Lots of couples have friends with opposite sexes,
I tell all my guy friend I have a man..they respect that,
He has women friends too
I trust him, he trusts me too
A cheater will cheat wether they have friends of the opposite sex or not.
"Women who keep guy friends and think its nothing, there is ALWAYS something, even if the guy is truly a good friend and has no other intentions, if he can't have her then he can't be a 100% platonic friend, and the exceptions are slim to none. I don't know why women don't get this. Especially when they are jealous as hell for their man to have a female friend. It's a two way street."
Why are people constantly saying this when countless people on this thread have soberly pointed out they have friends of the opposite sex? NO sex. NO attraction. No jealousy. My husband has a female friend for the past 30 years and I am NOT jealous. He is not jealous of my male friends.
People who claim it's impossible must be either extremely young (teenagers) or have never been in the professional world where friendships with the opposite gender are standard and expected and the norm.
Just found out that my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for years with a guy that was "just a friend" and that she told me 1,000,000 times was only like a "little brother" to her. I never trusted the guy from day one and my gut instinct proved to be right all along!
Before I get hopelessly drunk, I am warning any of you guys out there who have wives with male friends. It is NEVER platonic! Male or female, when you take the oath of marriage, you should NOT have friends of the opposite sex, unless they are mutual friends that you hang out with as a couple, rather than have 2 hour conversations with on the phone while hubby or wifey isn't home.
Really sorry about your situation. But I can't agree with you. My wife has a male friend who lives states away. She is always advising him on his relationship problems, and they often have long conversations. I am glad she has this friend, and I have zero doubts about her fidelity.
Really sorry about your situation. But I can't agree with you. My wife has a male friend who lives states away. She is always advising him on his relationship problems, and they often have long conversations. I am glad she has this friend, andI have zero doubts about her fidelity.
Well yeah, I'm sure you don't have any doubts.
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