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Her parents supported her until she was 30, and you don't think she should lift one finger to try and help?
You must not have read the same post I did.
Oh I read the same posts. I just don't see the same 'selfish and whiney' person you do. But you and I rarely see eye to eye so no surprises there.
Did you miss the bit where the OP wanted to move out, but their Mom got upset every time the subject was raised? Or did you choose to skip over that part?
The fact that the OP was 30 when he/ she finally moved at has no more bearing on whether he/ she is 'owes' her parents than that I moved from home at 15. None at all.
Oh I read the same posts. I just don't see the same 'selfish and whiney' person you do. But you and I rarely see eye to eye so no surprises there.
Did you miss the bit where the OP wanted to move out, but their Mom got upset every time the subject was raised? Or did you choose to skip over that part?
The fact that the OP was 30 when he/ she finally moved at has no more bearing on whether he/ she is 'owes' her parents than that I moved from home at 15. None at all.
I have no clue what you are referring to.
I skipped nothing. And I don't believe I ever used exactly those words. However, now that you have put them in my mouth, I do think that she OWES it to her parents to help them at least help themselves if they are in dire financial straights.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 03-11-2011 at 06:46 PM..
Oh I read the same posts. I just don't see the same 'selfish and whiney' person you do. But you and I rarely see eye to eye so no surprises there.
Did you miss the bit where the OP wanted to move out, but their Mom got upset every time the subject was raised? Or did you choose to skip over that part?
The fact that the OP was 30 when he/ she finally moved at has no more bearing on whether he/ she is 'owes' her parents than that I moved from home at 15. None at all.
If the OP really wanted to move out, she would have left. Mom begging her to stay would not have stopped her.
Disagree with you on the final point. She wouldn't have the money she has now if her parents had not allowed her to live there. OP has admitted to this, for any adult to live at home until that age rent free and simply save up money then find out that her parents are in a financial bind and then choose not to help is selfish.
Hell, I haven't lived with my parents in over 10 years but if either one of them were in serious financial trouble I would help them. They are my parents, they made more sacrifices for me than I can possibly imagine. Helping them get on their feet is the least I can do for them.
I skipped nothing. And I don't believe I ever used those words. However, now that you have put them in my mouth, I do think that she OWES it to her parents to help them at least help themselves if they are in dire financial straights.
All I'm referring to is that you and I tend to disagree. I have had to ask you more than once to back off from threads I have posted because I found your posts stopped being helpful and started being aggressively unpleasant. No big deal, i'm a sporadic poster anyway and have no issue with you at all but as I said I'm unsurprised that we don't see eye to eye.
The problem with assuming that the OP can 'help them to help themselves' is that the OP is clearly struggling with how to do that as the Mother at least can't be told and is not open to talking about any kind of cut backs. Some people are more difficult to discuss things with than others. Perhaps the OPs Mother is especially difficult? Perhaps there is more to it than simply sitting them down and telling them to change their ways?
Anyway I have zero interest in arguing with you about whether the OP 'owes' the parents or not. You say yes, I say no and we'll have to agree to disagree.
All I'm referring to is that you and I tend to disagree. I have had to ask you more than once to back off from threads I have posted because I found your posts stopped being helpful and started being aggressively unpleasant. No big deal, i'm a sporadic poster anyway and have no issue with you at all but as I said I'm unsurprised that we don't see eye to eye.
Ummm...sorry but I usually forget what I posted by the next day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Anyway I have zero interest in arguing with you about whether the OP 'owes' the parents or not. You say yes, I say no and we'll have to agree to disagree.
Who's arguing? Jaysus...I don't think I posted this thread...did I???
Ummm...sorry but I usually forget what I posted by the next day.
Who's arguing? Jaysus...I don't think I posted this thread...did I???
Well you are a far more prolific poster than me so not surprising!
Not arguing yet and not in the mood for arguing tonight. I'm in a good mood! Husband got home early and it's the weekend.
I don't know what else to suggest to the OP. Only you know if your Mom is trying manipulate you to move back into the house or if the straits are dire enough that you have to act.
From your posts it sounds like there are things that could happen to help themselves - move into or sell the second house. Sell the fancy car, etc.
Perhaps you could meet with your Father only and discuss some options with him and then leave him to deal with your Mom?
I do think it's a horrible position for a parent to put their offspring in and I sincerely feel for you. Good luck!
From your posts it sounds like there are things that could happen to help themselves - move into or sell the second house. Sell the fancy car, etc.
Perhaps you could meet with your Father only and discuss some options with him and then leave him to deal with your Mom?
I do think it's a horrible position for a parent to put their offspring in and I sincerely feel for you. Good luck!
Thanks for your input! My mom had a discussion with my dad and he told her that things weren't going as badly as she thought and he wouldn't ask me to move back in with them to help them out financially anyways. So she feels relieved for now, but I just wish she would break the habit of coming to me every time she needs money. I understand that I'm their only child and I should help them out if I can, but like I said, a lot of people in my family have made poor financial decisions, and I don't want to end up like them. It's important to me to have good credit, money in the bank, and the ability to afford all of my own expenses. I just don't think it's wise to let anyone lead you to potential financial ruin- not even your parents.
Here's another thought... if your parents own investment real estate, own a nice home, put a child through college, and have owned their own business for years and it supports them, then maybe your perception that they're "not good with money" is inaccurate?
Maybe your Mom has been using money issues for years to keep you close by, and if that's the case, then you need to deal with that. But it sounds like overall your parents are doing fine financially!
Thanks for your input! My mom had a discussion with my dad and he told her that things weren't going as badly as she thought and he wouldn't ask me to move back in with them to help them out financially anyways. So she feels relieved for now, but I just wish she would break the habit of coming to me every time she needs money. I understand that I'm their only child and I should help them out if I can, but like I said, a lot of people in my family have made poor financial decisions, and I don't want to end up like them. It's important to me to have good credit, money in the bank, and the ability to afford all of my own expenses. I just don't think it's wise to let anyone lead you to potential financial ruin- not even your parents.
No one has suggested such a thing here on this thread. In fact, if that were the question you had asked, I'm sure you would have received nothing but a hearty "Agreed!" from everyone.
No one has suggested such a thing here on this thread. In fact, if that were the question you had asked, I'm sure you would have received nothing but a hearty "Agreed!" from everyone.
Having two adults relying on me to pay a mortgage on a house that I can't afford to pay 100% by myself and I can't rely on either of them to pick up the slack = potential financial ruin to me.
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