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I'm 53, divorced 4 yrs after a 24 yr marriage. Jumped right in to a rebound relationship that I ended about 8 months ago. She was 44 with a 7 yr old son and 21 yr old daughter and 3 dogs she treated like kids.
Anyway I have started to date again and what I'm finding is that the women in my age range, 45-55, seem to all be very bitter about growing old and how they have been treated by men their whole life. All i hear about is how terrible their ex's were and how they can't trust men. They have these totally unrealistic expectations now of what they want in a man and won't settle for anything less.
it is almost like they want to be in a relationship in order to punish the guy for all the past sins men have committed against them.
And yes I know I am generalizing here but in my case so far these are the only women I am coming across. They present themselves at first as having it all together but it quickly comes out, all the stories of past abuse and being cheated on and how they have lost all faith in men or finding a decent one. I'm constantly asked, so what makes you different? What kind of friggin question is that?
I have had enough drama in my life to script 10 soap operas. I just want some peace and a woman I can have a good time with. I don't want to deal with or hear about someones ex or raise someone else's kids. I don't want to be compared to or judged against someones past relationships. We have all been screwed over one way or another. I just want to give someone my best and get the same in return. I'm starting to think at my age it is hopeless.
Maybe it's time I get a dog.
I think you should take a break and not date. Get a different mindset. If these are the only types of women you're finding out there presently, give it a rest.
Join a club. Find an interest or hobby that gives you some passion. Don't actively pursue the dating. Do some things for yourself, only.
I understand what you're saying. I haven't dated in years so I don't know what's out there. Is there any organizations or activities that you're interested in that you can meet women that aren't so bitter? Maybe if you can get yourself involved in some positive activity, the women won't be as negative and bitter as the women you're meeting.
Sorry, I can't suggest anything more. I'm sure others will be on here to give you more advice. Good luck and don't give up!
I don't think it's hopeless, but I think you need to be realistic. At your age (and your date's potential age), you've been through some stuff. Very few people have made it to that age without having some sort of bad experience in the dating world. Maybe they lost a spouse and are widowed. Maybe they got divorced. Maybe they were screwed. Maybe they never dated anyone and are sad they were always alone. You just don't make it to being available at 53 without something sad having happened. See how it's not exactly the same as when you're that bright eyed 20 year old who's never been hurt?
Anyway, I would try to focus on the positive and try to be a little more accepting of the negative. No, you don't want a woman who just complains about her exes non-stop. But most people want a partner they can confide in, a soft place to fall. So if they want to test out sharing with you some of the hurts they lived through to see if you're that sympathetic ear, you might listen for a bit.
Take a cruise, YES alone. Take one of the theme cruises on a topic like adventure novels. Join a spelunking club or sky diving, the Power Squadron (boating), become a library volunteer, trake a college course. Do NOT look for a woman to date. Look to make friends. I bet you'll meet a whole new group of people.
Where are you meeting these women? If they are all from the same source, then look somewhere else. There are indeed many women in your age range that DO have it together and truly would appreciate a good man. Anyway, it takes time. You may have to meet 50 or 100 women to find a good match. Go on a lot of dates, with no expectations except to enjoy an outing and get to know them. As soon as someone shows a red flag, stop seeing her and meet someone else.
I don't think it's hopeless, but I think you need to be realistic. At your age (and your date's potential age), you've been through some stuff. Very few people have made it to that age without having some sort of bad experience in the dating world. Maybe they lost a spouse and are widowed. Maybe they got divorced. Maybe they were screwed. Maybe they never dated anyone and are sad they were always alone. You just don't make it to being available at 53 without something sad having happened. See how it's not exactly the same as when you're that bright eyed 20 year old who's never been hurt?
Anyway, I would try to focus on the positive and try to be a little more accepting of the negative. No, you don't want a woman who just complains about her exes non-stop. But most people want a partner they can confide in, a soft place to fall. So if they want to test out sharing with you some of the hurts they lived through to see if you're that sympathetic ear, you might listen for a bit.
I'm only 27 and the vast majority of the men I've gone out with (late 20's to early 30's) are extremely bitter towards women...so I think it's becoming more and more common to take out your bad past experiences on your new love interests regardless of gender, which is kind of sad. I would love to find a man in his early 30's who is happy, content, and doesn't have a few kids and angry ex-wife... But I'm still searching
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