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Come back to us in a month and tell us if you're enjoying this hermitting thing.
Most people need social interaction, and I mean meaningful interaction, not just exchanging pleasantries with the coffee shop cashier or discussing homework with someone sitting next to you in class.
[quote=Neway99;18523889]Lot of great ideas on here. I've been semi-hermitting for awhile, with mixed results. It's been good to unload the drainers- like those testing out passive-aggressive behaviors through unnecessary cheap shots or deliberately withholding something they thought you might like to receive... Then wondering howcome you're not in touch anymore? Odd they'd test you like that and then expect to stay in touch as if nothing happened. Even so it's been very uncomfortable to have to make it clear that I don't want to be in touch as much / at all anymore.
For now I find great value in the "in passing" conversations with people at a coffee shop, library, airport etc. - those pleasant snapshot chats where there is not enough familiarity or time to go toxic. For now that will do![/quote]
That's what I was talking about. If I am home alone too much and need to get out and be amongst people, I go to public places like parks (and will again if Spring ever arrives in NJ) or the library or the cafe at the bookstore.
Taoist monks often chose to enter the temple (monastery) only AFTER they had retired from "public life". Therefore, you had a lot of politicians, soldiers, carpenters and such that had already experienced life in various forms and sought now to attend to their spiritual development instead of just their materialistic desires.
"Lay monks" were those who received the Taoist philosophical / religious training, but then went back out into the cold, cruel world to teach the lessons they had been taught.
So there's still hope of hermitage for those who have lived a life of sin, just as there is for those who desire to teach others their Way. You don't have to live 24/7 in a hermitage to separate yourself from society.
Lot of great ideas on here. I've been semi-hermitting for awhile, with mixed results. It's been good to unload the drainers- like those testing out passive-aggressive behaviors through unnecessary cheap shots or deliberately withholding something they thought you might like to receive... Then wondering howcome you're not in touch anymore? Odd they'd test you like that and then expect to stay in touch as if nothing happened. Even so it's been very uncomfortable to have to make it clear that I don't want to be in touch as much / at all anymore.
For now I find great value in the "in passing" conversations with people at a coffee shop, library, airport etc. - those pleasant snapshot chats where there is not enough familiarity or time to go toxic. For now that will do![/quote]
That's what I was talking about. If I am home alone too much and need to get out and be amongst people, I go to public places like parks (and will again if Spring ever arrives in NJ) or the library or the cafe at the bookstore.
think that is why I enjoy working so much? however, at the end of the day, I'm so happy to get home to my personal sanctuary, and enjoy the peace and quiet, it's so good for the soul, but yes, listening to others, is also very informative and enlighting...
Agree- those brief exchanges can be incredibly enlightening... an opportunity for sharing & learning with a low likelihood of judgmentalism, baggage dumping and the like.
I've found that living in large urban centers really facilitates this balance...walk out the door and I have company, walk back in and I'm back in my own space. NYC was the greatest example- even when alone I couldn't feel lonely. But DC was a notable exception- metropolitan as it was, I found our nation's capital to be too soulless & uptight to lend itself to such spontaneous and genuine interactions.
One great benefit has been #1 below:
Yesterday, 11:35 PM
Amelorn
Senior Member
befriend
Depending on how it's carried out, it can: 1) prune the tree of your life. The better friends will be there. The useless ones will blow away.
But I'd like to get back to being more in the mix eventually, lest I fall into #2 below.
Yesterday, 11:35 PM
Amelorn
Senior Member
befriend 2) be the noose you hang yourself with (socially, emotionally). Being desperately unfulfilled will spillover into the rest of your life, as well.
Perhaps this is the ultimate balance:
Today, 02:52 AM
SifuPhil
MK-Ultra Survivor
befriend
"Live among them, yet not be OF them".
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