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I am looking for advice about dating. Mainly I don't want to waste time with a person I don't have core things incommon with. I think that can be done on your first date with someone. I'm wondering what questions should you ask about your date and/or things you should tell your date about your desires from a potential partner on the first date.I think people are so afraid of being rejected that they hold back, but by doing this you could save yourself and the other person months of time and wasted emotions on are person you don't have long term compadablity with.So what I would like advice on is what type of questions would you ask or tell them, what type of things are important enough to be asked up front and what type should you wait till you get to know them better.If you've ever seen the movie Must Love Dogs (horrible movie by the way I'm not recommending it to anyone), then you will remember the restaurant scene. John Cusack's character does this very thing, but it of course freaks her out! He's too intense, it's too intense for a first date! If he would have just waited a few weeks or months till she really got to know him, it would have been fine.If you've ever seen the movie Forget Paris, there is a scene where Billy Crystal and Debra Winger's characters have this intense moment and decide that fate wants them together, and after they declare their love for each other, she asks him: "Should we talk about kids, religion, and what end of the toothpaste bottle to squeeze" He relpies: "No, that stuff will work itself out"I think that scene is a great example of what I'm asking. On a first date should you tell a woman/man you don't want kids... that's important to a lot of people, or should you wait, because it' is just a first date. Should you tell a person you're jewish, because he/she may be an orthodox catholic. And should you just wait until you're living with a person to tell them it drives you crazy when people don't squeeze the toothpaste bottle from bottom end?I know some people may be thinking that yeah! It's just a first date, but why wait months into the relationship before telling someone something that is that important. Once you are emotionally attacked you will try to make it work, even though you two don't share core values and beliefs -we've all known relationships like that-. Won't both just get hurt in the end.Anyway these were just movie example, what would you ask/tell them on a first date and what would you wait to see what kind of person they are before you ask/tell them?
Once you are emotionally attacked you will try to make it work, even though you two don't share core values and beliefs -we've all known relationships like that-. Won't both just get hurt in the end.
It's a catch 22, I suppose, but your approach can certainly assure no problem with "attacked" ^ women being emotionally attached to you.
I am looking for advice about dating. Mainly I don't want to waste time with a person I don't have core things incommon with. I think that can be done on your first date with someone. I'm wondering what questions should you ask about your date and/or things you should tell your date about your desires from a potential partner on the first date.I think people are so afraid of being rejected that they hold back, but by doing this you could save yourself and the other person months of time and wasted emotions on are person you don't have long term compadablity with.So what I would like advice on is what type of questions would you ask or tell them, what type of things are important enough to be asked up front and what type should you wait till you get to know them better.If you've ever seen the movie Must Love Dogs (horrible movie by the way I'm not recommending it to anyone), then you will remember the restaurant scene. John Cusack's character does this very thing, but it of course freaks her out! He's too intense, it's too intense for a first date! If he would have just waited a few weeks or months till she really got to know him, it would have been fine.If you've ever seen the movie Forget Paris, there is a scene where Billy Crystal and Debra Winger's characters have this intense moment and decide that fate wants them together, and after they declare their love for each other, she asks him: "Should we talk about kids, religion, and what end of the toothpaste bottle to squeeze" He relpies: "No, that stuff will work itself out"I think that scene is a great example of what I'm asking. On a first date should you tell a woman/man you don't want kids... that's important to a lot of people, or should you wait, because it' is just a first date. Should you tell a person you're jewish, because he/she may be an orthodox catholic. And should you just wait until you're living with a person to tell them it drives you crazy when people don't squeeze the toothpaste bottle from bottom end?I know some people may be thinking that yeah! It's just a first date, but why wait months into the relationship before telling someone something that is that important. Once you are emotionally attacked you will try to make it work, even though you two don't share core values and beliefs -we've all known relationships like that-. Won't both just get hurt in the end.Anyway these were just movie example, what would you ask/tell them on a first date and what would you wait to see what kind of person they are before you ask/tell them?
When I met my boyfriend for the first time, we really hit if off. He wanted to see me again, and I wanted to see him again..So we saw each other every day after work for 2 weeks straight, Then he asked me if I would only be with him only so I told him what I expected and he told me what he expected. He knew I wouldn't waste my time if he couldn't give me what I wanted, It scared him when he called me and said if I wanted to go out with one nite and I told him I already had a date with someone else, he asked me why? So I told him as long as you support your ex I wont be committed to you, why would I be in a relationship with a man who supports another woman..Sure enough he was on the phone with his lawyer the next day and his spousal support was dropped. He told me as long as he respects my decisions I cant date anyone else but him. So now we are together. I was honest and told him what I was looking for.
Sounds like you have all the advice you need--no sense carrying coals to newcastle.
From the title of the thread--I thought about the episode of SATC --Carrie moved to Paris with Alexsandr?--things did not work out and Mr. Big finally showed up---then came the film--SATC--finally they did get married. How things worked out from there--who knows--Scarlett and Rhett--I suppose they live happily ever after.
Why can't people just play it by ear? If the subject comes up, so be it. If it doesn't wait until things start getting serious.
Because the point is to not waste either of your time. What if it doesn't come up for months, by then you have invested too much time and emotion into the relationship to let it go. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high??? People with core unity... values and beliefs, will stick out the rough times more then people who have strong things they disagree on... like if she doesn't want children and if she accidentally got pregnant, she wanted an abortion. BUT he is completely against abortion!!! And he wants kids!!!
Yes, key compatibilities are extremely important. I far prefer online dating, as the early email exchanges can be used to ask about this stuff. I want to know a person's ethical stance (not just about some high profile issues, but core values), perspective on compassion and social justice (politics may substitute for this sometimes), degree of religious belief and the nature of those beliefs, near and long term life goals (to see we have compatible objectives for family, career, and maybe location), and significant interests (that they actually engage in pursuing regularly, not just want to do) that we have in common. Things like movies and music are trivial areas, IMO, and should seldom matter much unless you're in the business.
I wouldn't even bother meeting unless there was significant compatibility. And once we did meet, there'd have to be "chemistry" or sexual attraction to take things further. I think too often people put the chemistry ahead of the compatibility only to find they aren't a good match. By then, however, it can be messy and unpleasant to extricate yourself, and many will try to make a bad match work.
Sounds like you have all the advice you need--no sense carrying coals to newcastle.
From the title of the thread--I thought about the episode of SATC --Carrie moved to Paris with Alexsandr?--things did not work out and Mr. Big finally showed up---then came the film--SATC--finally they did get married. How things worked out from there--who knows--Scarlett and Rhett--I suppose they live happily ever after.
$.02
Wha is SATC?
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