Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been married for nearly 22 years. I'm from the midwest, but when I moved to the east coast, seemed like many of the women in Pennsylvania smoked. The woman who would eventually become my wife smoked and yes it was a deal breaker for me. Despite our incredible compatibility, her good heart, and incredible beauty, I told her that if she wanted to stay with me, she was going to have to quit smoking. She did too. She hasn't smoked in 24 years.
If I wasn't married, I still wouldn't tolerate a smoker. It's a nasty habit and want no part of it. Plenty of incredible women who never smoke. Don't settle for someone who does if you don't like it. Let someone else put up with that nasty habit.
Good post. How did she manage to quit, what method did she use?
Deal breaker for me. Never dated a smoker and would even have reservations dating a former smoker. Hotness levels and attraction go way down for me when I see or discover that someone smokes or smoked. I can't explain it, but it's just the way it works for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
I wouldn't say that I can't stand smokers. I know and love many people that smoke. But I can't stand the habit - the smell makes me nauseous and the habit itself is so completely contrary to my lifestyle now that there could never be any compromise.
Same here. My distaste for smoking started when I was a toddler. It just skeeved me. The sight of an ashtray made me want to vomit. My feelings towards the habit haven't changed.
Is/was smoking a dealbreaker for you, when/If seeking a long term relationship?
Yes.
Many things I would compromise over or simply ignore. Smoking is not one. The way it permeates the clothes and stains the walls and ceilings of the place a smoker lives makes it impossible to overlook. It opens a person to many forms of health problems.
Having been subjected to people that smoke in the past, I would never choose to be subjected to it if given the choice again.
Is/was smoking a dealbreaker for you, when/If seeking a long term relationship?
It was a definite deal-breaker for me in high school, but these days, no. I dunno, I lost my dad when I was 19, and after that, my outlook on life changed and I realized that it is best to accept people for who they are instead of trying to change them into the person you want them to be. Since then, and this completely reinforces my live and let live mantra, I've lost about another 10 friends (to a variety of reasons), and I am still in my 30s.
You also got to keep in mind that relationships, for the most part, are selfish ventures. If you don't want to be with a smoker, then just don't. Don't date someone who has a habit you find disgusting and then ask them to change. If they want to quit, cool, but asking them to change as some sort of ultimatum to continue being with you is bs.
Now, I know some are going to say that if they really loved you then they would do it for you. But, the flipside is that if you really loved them, you'd let them continue the habit. Or at least not issue ultimatums.
Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Lexus
I've been married for nearly 22 years. I'm from the midwest, but when I moved to the east coast, seemed like many of the women in Pennsylvania smoked. The woman who would eventually become my wife smoked and yes it was a deal breaker for me. Despite our incredible compatibility, her good heart, and incredible beauty, I told her that if she wanted to stay with me, she was going to have to quit smoking. She did too. She hasn't smoked in 24 years.
If I wasn't married, I still wouldn't tolerate a smoker. It's a nasty habit and want no part of it. Plenty of incredible women who never smoke. Don't settle for someone who does if you don't like it. Let someone else put up with that nasty habit.
Uh, but you did "settle" for someone who smoked, so how was it a deal-breaker?
Now, I know some are going to say that if they really loved you then they would do it for you. But, the flipside is that if you really loved them, you'd let them continue the habit. Or at least not issue ultimatums.
Ahhh, and this is what really got under my skin! My husband (boyfriend at the time) gave me the ultimatum. I cared about him, I know he cared about me, BUT...while he didn't want to be with a smoker...I didn't want to be with an arse! So when he issued that ultimatum I let it be known that I WILL walk. He was shocked at my response.
NEVER give an ultimatum unless you are SURE you are okay with it when it backfires.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But I can't stand the habit - the smell makes me nauseous and the habit itself is so completely contrary to my lifestyle now that there could never be any compromise.
