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Are the end of dates awkward or is it just me? This weekend, I went on two dates. One was a first date and I wasn’t attracted to the guy. At the end of the night, we were each about to split ways to go to our cars and I was saying bye but I didn’t know what sort of good-bye to give. He looked like he was going to lean in for a kiss or hug so I simply stuck my hand out and gave him a handshake.
The second date of the weekend was a second date with someone. I had had a fun time but I just couldn’t bring myself to be attracted to him, either. He had picked me up so at the end of the night I was hoping he wouldn’t walk me to my door. He didn’t but again it was awkward in the car. I thanked him for the night and again didn’t know how to say good-bye. A handshake would have seemed weird. He leaned in and I must have looked at him like he had three heads because he said, “I was just going to give you a kiss!” And I said, “Umm, I’ll give you a hug.” And he said, “On the cheek!” Oh. So, I let him kiss me on my cheek and I sort of hugged him as well as I could in the car. Very awkward!
How do other people end dates if they don’t want to kiss the person?
I think extending your hand for a handshake is the most respectful way to say, "I had fun but not romantically interested". Most men will get the hint and be thankful that you took the initiative rather than sitting there waiting for him to "try something" and rebuffing his attepmts.... THAT is embarrassing (I mean....... I would think it would be....... How would I know after all....... EVERYone loves me........ Never had that problem before.... ).
First, quit trying to get inside your date's head about what he may or may not expect. Decide for yourself what is appropriate for you to do and let him think what he will. On the dates you described, a handshake would have been fine. A thank you may go along way toward his thinking you're an ingrate, too... especially if he paid for the date. But even if you split the cost, a thanks for the company is usually appropriate, unless it really was truly an unpleasant experience. So the dialog can go a couple of ways:
1. Date itself was OK, but he just ain't floating your boat: Him:Well, here we are... back home, safe 'n sound You: [Extends hand for shake] Thank you for a nice evening.
Normally, this would be an ideal way to end the evening. I wouldn't volunteer the bit about no romantic interest at this point. Wait until pressed further, or if he calls for another date later on. If he starts probing for another date, it could go something like this:
Him:May I call you later this week? You:Really, I had a nice time tonight, but I just don't feel any chemistry happening.
Most guys would read between the lines here and say something along the lines of "Okay, fine" and be on their merry way. For those who really cannot take a hint:
Him:Well, maybe it was just that I was a little nervous tonight. I promise to try harder next time. I'll join a health club. I'll pump iron. I'll start doing crunches to get that six-pack going on my abs. I'll go to etiquette school to learn how to behave. I'll get your newspaper and lick your feet. Please go out with me again.... please? You:No, I don't think so. Again, I had a nice time, but GOODBYE.
The foregoing is if the date was otherwise OK and it's just a matter of throwing him back at the end of the night. If, on the other hand, the date was NOT OK.... like, you're constantly checking your watch wondering how much longer 'til you're free... or perhaps looking around to see if anyone you know sees you with that guy.... then, by all means.... I would be more direct at the end of the evening, if you haven't found a way to "ditch" the guy before this:
Him:Well, here we are... back home, safe 'n sound You:Thanks for driving. It was real. It was nice. But it wasn't real nice. Please don't call me... I'll call you. GOODBYE.
First, quit trying to get inside your date's head about what he may or may not expect. Decide for yourself what is appropriate for you to do and let him think what he will. On the dates you described, a handshake would have been fine. A thank you may go along way toward his thinking you're an ingrate, too... especially if he paid for the date. But even if you split the cost, a thanks for the company is usually appropriate, unless it really was truly an unpleasant experience. So the dialog can go a couple of ways:
1. Date itself was OK, but he just ain't floating your boat: Him:Well, here we are... back home, safe 'n sound You: [Extends hand for shake] Thank you for a nice evening.
Normally, this would be an ideal way to end the evening. I wouldn't volunteer the bit about no romantic interest at this point. Wait until pressed further, or if he calls for another date later on. If he starts probing for another date, it could go something like this:
Him:May I call you later this week? You:Really, I had a nice time tonight, but I just don't feel any chemistry happening.
Most guys would read between the lines here and say something along the lines of "Okay, fine" and be on their merry way. For those who really cannot take a hint:
Him:Well, maybe it was just that I was a little nervous tonight. I promise to try harder next time. I'll join a health club. I'll pump iron. I'll start doing crunches to get that six-pack going on my abs. I'll go to etiquette school to learn how to behave. I'll get your newspaper and lick your feet. Please go out with me again.... please? You:No, I don't think so. Again, I had a nice time, but GOODBYE.
The foregoing is if the date was otherwise OK and it's just a matter of throwing him back at the end of the night. If, on the other hand, the date was NOT OK.... like, you're constantly checking your watch wondering how much longer 'til you're free... or perhaps looking around to see if anyone you know sees you with that guy.... then, by all means.... I would be more direct at the end of the evening, if you haven't found a way to "ditch" the guy before this:
Him:Well, here we are... back home, safe 'n sound You:Thanks for driving. It was real. It was nice. But it wasn't real nice. Please don't call me... I'll call you. GOODBYE.
LOL. Ok, it sounds like I have pretty much followed the rules set forth by everyone who has responded. I do always thank guys at the end of the night if they paid (and I thanked both of the guys this weekend). I think your point is good, thank them and then immediately extend the hand for a handshake. This way, it doesn't give anyone too much time to think about how to end the date. I think the fact that I let several seconds go by without doing that on my last date is what led to the awkwardness. I always thought the handshake was rather formal and business-like but I guess all of you agree that this is the best way!
As I remember, the end of a date could be awkward. My daughter loves me to tell her the story about one date I went on when, at the end, the guy said, "Can I kiss you?" and I said, "No." Needless to say that was our last date. So, yes, be ready with a handshake and a "Thank you very much. Have a great weekend (or whatever)."
If he's leaning in for a kiss and you can't think of anything else to do, give him your cheek.
Anu2 you seem to be a nice person but apparently you are being TOO nice DURING the date. My suggestion would be to send some signals during the date that you are not THAT interested so at the end of the date the guy wouldn't have expectations of getting a kiss or a hug or another date. They might still try to get those from you but if you deny or change the subject they wouldn't be as surprised. My 2 cents.
If it was a nice person but you're just not attracted to them, I would give them a hug goodbye. If they call for a second date I would explain that I didn't feel we were compatible and decline the date the nicest way possible.
If I was really interested, probably a kiss but it just depends on how things went. It they went good then it usually just happens naturally. I never had a date go really bad except once and I did a shot at the bar and said see ya' and left on my own.
Even more uncomfortable than being the one trying to end a date platonically is being the one who is expecting to get some action, but is offered a handshake or a hug instead.
When that happens, I try to inject some humor into the awkwardness by responding with something like, "Damn, I guess the hourly motel is out of the question, huh?"
Even more uncomfortable than being the one trying to end a date platonically is being the one who is expecting to get some action, but is offered a handshake or a hug instead.
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Well be that as it may, it's far worse to make your move and get rejected, so I'd think I'd prefer the quick rebuff with no need to sweat it on my part......
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