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How did someone kick you out of your own kitchen? Because you let her. You and your husband are going to continue to miss out on good times like his work function because you let people push you around. They know this, and that's why they do it.
....
People like you are always going to get pushed around because everyone knows they can get away with it. Just wait until your kids figure this out. Then you will be on the Parenting board whining about your kids not showing you any respect and you wondering why.
That a grown man cannot call his own sister to talk about planning a party for their mother indicates that he has some passive-aggressiveness of his own. If it was that important to him, he'd have made more of an effort, rather than just sending an email every couple of weeks.
No, the man and his sister are both playing games here. She's just better at it in terms of who is going to come off looking like the offspring who loves the mother more. I suspect he never wanted to go in the first place, and now he can blame his sister for "never getting back to him." Thing is, what's he going to say, "I emailed Sis?"
And you know what Sis is going to say? "I never got his emails. I just assumed it didn't matter to him which weekend it was."
He is not the one who needs counseling. My SIL and MIL could both use it. Trust me when I say my husband is not the issue. He is a level headed, hard-working, intelligent, kind, human being.
His family is full of controlling, Italian women who could give the Mafia a run for their money. These women all do this crap. Mom, SIL and Grandma. His Grandma is still mad, and still brings it up every time we see her, that he (hubby) did not join the military. My husband had no desire to join the military. He put himself through college and has been a business professional for over 15 years yet Grandma is still mad because he wouldn't do what she wanted. His brother, 13 months younger was never asked to join the military, has been a total screw up for all of his adult life and he gets none of this.
My BIL just filed for bankruptsy, has been arrested multiple times and yet, they just think he is wonderful. They do hate his wife because she is beautiful and 13 years younger than he is. They call her "worthless".
My husband just wants a relationship with his mother. This is about her. It is her 70th birthday. He didn't have much of a relationship with her for over 6 years because of her behavior, (example....kicking me out of my own kitchen because she didn't like the way I was rolling the meatballs while she was trying to teach me to make "her sauce")
Mom had cancer last year and she is now trying to have a relationship with my husband. He is willing to try one more time. I can't blame him as I too believe in second chances.
Mom and sis are way beyond counseling at this point. And as far as second chances go - hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me (for letting it happen).
The very fact your husband wants to continue his relationship with them given all they have done to him in the past says to me that he may need some professional guidance on how to accomplish that without being hurt again. (and I know he said he wants to be done with sis, but just going to the party is continuing to be in relationship with sis)
This is a very dysfunctional family. And as twisted as they are, he has had his own role to play in this little family drama, whether he realizes it or not (we are all assigned roles to play in our family of origin).
Family dynamics such as his are very complicated and multilayered, he is likely in over his head by trying to find a way to have a semblence of normalcy with mom. That's how a counselor could help him
That a grown man cannot call his own sister to talk about planning a party for their mother indicates that he has some passive-aggressiveness of his own. If it was that important to him, he'd have made more of an effort, rather than just sending an email every couple of weeks.
No, the man and his sister are both playing games here. She's just better at it in terms of who is going to come off looking like the offspring who loves the mother more. I suspect he never wanted to go in the first place, and now he can blame his sister for "never getting back to him." Thing is, what's he going to say, "I emailed Sis?"
And you know what Sis is going to say? "I never got his emails. I just assumed it didn't matter to him which weekend it was."
Good luck with that.
See, that's the thing, they aren't playing games so much as just playing familiar roles they've likely had since childhood.
He hasn't done anything "wrong" per se, only allowed himself to continue to be part of the drama. A healthier approach would be to not participate, though old habits die hard.
See, that's the thing, they aren't playing games so much as just playing familiar roles they've likely had since childhood.
He hasn't done anything "wrong" per se, only allowed himself to continue to be part of the drama. A healthier approach would be to not participate, though old habits die hard.
Oh, yes, he has done something wrong, all right. He hasn't grown up!
"He wants a relationship with his mother. It's about her, not his sister." [url=http://******************]http://******************/music-smiley-1300.gif (broken link)[/url]
Really? Then he needs to grab his, er, convictions and take initiative! Comes a time when we stop relying on other people and take actions for ourselves--actions that we own, ourselves--because it's what grown-ups do.
And another thing... I'm of Italian descent, as is my SO, and neither one of our mothers would ever, in a million, bazillion years, attempt to kick a woman out of her own kitchen. So the whole side commentary implying that this is somehow about them being Italian and how these women make Mafia wives look tame needs to go.
Oh, yes, he has done something wrong, all right. He hasn't grown up!
"He wants a relationship with his mother. It's about her, not his sister."
Really? Then he needs to grab his, er, convictions and take initiative! Comes a time when we stop relying on other people and take actions for ourselves--actions that we own, ourselves--because it's what grown-ups do.
And another thing... I'm of Italian descent, as is my SO, and neither one of our mothers would ever, in a million, bazillion years, attempt to kick a woman out of her own kitchen. So the whole side commentary implying that this is somehow about them being Italian and how these women make Mafia wives look tame needs to go.
So there.
Like I said, old habits die hard.
And bad family patterns of relating are some of the oldest habits we all have
I dunno, Dr. Love. Seems to me one shouldn't have to hire a shrink to find his own nads.
I'm betting his balls are just fine, and not lost at all
People need to understand, when it comes to emeshed and dysfunctional family relationships, even the most intelligent people can usually really benefit from some professional guidance on how to break free of old habits and patterns.
Perhaps I have said something wrong.
My husband is not a weeney. He stands up for himself every day. He has told these people off before and will more than likely do it again. To who ever said he "can't pick up a phone" he tried to call her. Five or six times. She doesn't answer the phone and she doesn't call back. She rarely emails. Yes, I think he shouldn't go. Yes, I think they will continue their behavior and he will be the one who looks bad to all of them. I would have kissed these idiots goodbye a long time ago and never looked back. We didn't speak to any of them for 5 years. I was perfectly happy with that and so was he. Then last year Mom got cancer. She needed help and my husband took off work for 3 two week periods to go stay with her and help her. Their relationship improved. (I said that quite a few times) She will want him there. He wants to go for her. I know in my heart that he will be the one who is hurt in all of this when he realizes that post-cancer it is back to being all about his sister. He isn't there yet. Yes, he is being a little naive to think Mom has changed but it's his mother. He loves her.
Why is it being weak to love someone? Why is being supportive wrong? Why is wanting to be a good son wrong? Some of you are quite harsh for no reason. All I asked was what would you do? Simple question. We are going. It is his choice, not mine. I will go to support him and I will be nice as long as they are. End of story. Sorry I asked.
Perhaps I have said something wrong.
My husband is not a weeney. He stands up for himself every day. He has told these people off before and will more than likely do it again. To who ever said he "can't pick up a phone" he tried to call her. Five or six times. She doesn't answer the phone and she doesn't call back. She rarely emails. Yes, I think he shouldn't go. Yes, I think they will continue their behavior and he will be the one who looks bad to all of them. I would have kissed these idiots goodbye a long time ago and never looked back. We didn't speak to any of them for 5 years. I was perfectly happy with that and so was he. Then last year Mom got cancer. She needed help and my husband took off work for 3 two week periods to go stay with her and help her. Their relationship improved. (I said that quite a few times) She will want him there. He wants to go for her. I know in my heart that he will be the one who is hurt in all of this when he realizes that post-cancer it is back to being all about his sister. He isn't there yet. Yes, he is being a little naive to think Mom has changed but it's his mother. He loves her.
Why is it being weak to love someone? Why is being supportive wrong? Why is wanting to be a good son wrong? Some of you are quite harsh for no reason. All I asked was what would you do? Simple question. We are going. It is his choice, not mine. I will go to support him and I will be nice as long as they are. End of story. Sorry I asked.
Don't be upset, or sorry you asked VBmom
These kinds of family problems ARE very trying and difficult to deal with. It's like he's always walking thru a mine field when it comes to them, isn't it?
Sure he loves his mom, that's only natural.
It's also very common to want very desparately to get from your parents some love, validation, support, emotional connection they may have always denied you.
I've just been saying he is probably not able to see the forest for the trees and could use a guide out of the woods
While he hasn't done anything "wrong", he's too involved and emeshed in the dysfunction to handle the situation in the best, most healthy way all by himself.
Kudos to you for being a supportive wife and standing by your man
But to further help him you may just want to suggest a few sessions with a professional.
Perhaps I have said something wrong.
My husband is not a weeney. He stands up for himself every day. He has told these people off before and will more than likely do it again. To who ever said he "can't pick up a phone" he tried to call her. Five or six times. She doesn't answer the phone and she doesn't call back. She rarely emails. Yes, I think he shouldn't go. Yes, I think they will continue their behavior and he will be the one who looks bad to all of them. I would have kissed these idiots goodbye a long time ago and never looked back. We didn't speak to any of them for 5 years. I was perfectly happy with that and so was he. Then last year Mom got cancer. She needed help and my husband took off work for 3 two week periods to go stay with her and help her. Their relationship improved. (I said that quite a few times) She will want him there. He wants to go for her. I know in my heart that he will be the one who is hurt in all of this when he realizes that post-cancer it is back to being all about his sister. He isn't there yet. Yes, he is being a little naive to think Mom has changed but it's his mother. He loves her.
Why is it being weak to love someone? Why is being supportive wrong? Why is wanting to be a good son wrong? Some of you are quite harsh for no reason. All I asked was what would you do? Simple question. We are going. It is his choice, not mine. I will go to support him and I will be nice as long as they are. End of story. Sorry I asked.
That's typical of the C/D crowd. Eventually an OP feels bad for starting a thread LMAO
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LMAO
