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Old 05-05-2011, 04:49 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,730,242 times
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As the title say have you ever met a person you like to date but there kids throws up every type of road block they can think of ..

i had asked this women out and i found out she had kid and i broke my own rule about not dateing women wih kids ..

but her kid seam to be trying to throw roadblocks after roadblocks into us just dateing .

I called her tues night and told i would be back into town on friday and would she like to go out and have dinner go see a movie that night ..

tonight when she called i hear daughter in the background going you can not go out friday night because i need to here to help me and dad move stuff ..she tells that why i going out on friday night because of your father and i can not be in the same room without fighting ..

in the background i can hear her kid just going off about that comment and she going on about why you can not make it with my dad and that statement got me to thinking ..

how do you deal with a kid like that who no matter what she is not going to accept you and her mother are dateing ..

We do not spend much time togerther when she is with her mother and only really go out when her father has her for the weekends which is every other weekend ..

Do i cut the ties now or do i see how far it goes ..i know that sounds bad and sallow but i have found out the hard way about dateing women with kids and haveing to deal with the kids trying to mess you over every which way but lose in the relationship with there mother .
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Old 05-05-2011, 05:08 AM
 
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How old are her kids?
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Old 05-05-2011, 05:22 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,730,242 times
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her daughter is 13 years old and she is 40 years old
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:11 AM
 
23,096 posts, read 28,858,027 times
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You need to not worry so much about "background conversation" between her and her kid. YOUR business is with the lady. First off - are you looking to just date, or are you looking for a long term relationship? Because those are 2 very different things, and the latter requires much more from both people. If you are only looking for a date, then who cares what else she has going on? If she can't go out one night because of the kid, then ask her when she CAN go out. Big whoop. If however, you are looking for more than that, then frankly you need to just ask her point blank - is she going to be available for a relationship...can she make that commitment.

I know several people that had kids in the range of 10 to 18, and they not only dated, they got married, and did just fine. It's not a roadblock for everyone.
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:19 AM
 
Location: New York
1,339 posts, read 2,066,631 times
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did you see her on the Friday ? If not and she backed down to pacify a 13 years old don't you think she will do it again and again? If that is the relationship you want or this woman is worth it then thats fine but for another 6/7 years at least until the kid goes away to university.... Maybe the break-up is recent and the kid is still upset... I personally would walk but then I never broke my don't date anyone with kids rule..
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:46 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,730,242 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swisswife View Post
did you see her on the Friday ? If not and she backed down to pacify a 13 years old don't you think she will do it again and again? If that is the relationship you want or this woman is worth it then thats fine but for another 6/7 years at least until the kid goes away to university.... Maybe the break-up is recent and the kid is still upset... I personally would walk but then I never broke my don't date anyone with kids rule..
I will be seening her on this friday night and she told she will talk to her daughter about why her and her father is not getting back togerther ..But from my understanding she pulled the same thing with her father new girlfriend also ..

From my understanding is that her marriage has been over about four years now and she and i met through a lady friend from work when i need a lawyer to drawing up some paperwork for the City of New York need to be allowed to operate there and we met at her office to do the paperwork

My friend was telling her the whole i would step out of the office to take phones calls from the home office and get the diff thing need faxed to th home office and faxed back ..

She would go to her .. he single and not bad guy to go out with along with i know he looks a little scary with his face and ears looking like they went though a couple of bad bar fights.. but deep down he a really nice guy and she was trying to hook us up on a blind date from the momment i met her friend at the office that day last year .

After it was all said and done she asked me out for a late dinner because of the comment i had made about not wanting to go back to the hotel and eat in the hotel room and she goes i pay for dinner if you buy the wine and we went to a local pizza place got a large pie to go and i bought a bottle of wine for her and a bottle of soda for me

We went back to her office and ate pizza and drank wine and soda and talked for about three hours and it went from there with her telling me to be up at this time in the morning and we meet at the hotel and then she will take me to a great place for breakfast and then she would take me sightseeing in the city ..

We have been seeing each other now for about four months when she does not have the kid ..I tried to take the kid with us on trips but she digs her heels in and act like a total spoiled brat ..

So i gotten the fact that she does not want to have anything to do with me and i have stoped trying to get her to go with us when i want to see her mother and spend time with the mom ..
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:53 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,457 posts, read 13,005,177 times
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I swore I wouldn't date a man with children at home again. It isn't because I don't like kids, I just don't trust in the parenting these days. My experiences have not been all that great, but I also know good people who are just not wise when it comes to what they teach their kids. My son is also grown, so the idea of raising another one is not really appealing to me.

I did go against that rule (again) with my guy now. I'm glad I did. His child is awesome, he and his ex do a great job.
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:01 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,730,242 times
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plus she thought this pretty funny when we started dateing because she never would pegged me as a old fashion type of guy ..

i told her my three rules when dateing

1-i date you and only you when we are togerther and that means i do not run around when i out of town on company business with other women and i would like to do the same with other men

2-i sleep with you and you only when we are in that act togerther and that means if you want to see other people and do that ..you tell me now and we will part ways as friends because i do not that with other people when i'm dateing some one ..

3-never lie to me and i will never lie to you and we will get along fine when we are dateing ..

those are my simple rules for dating
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,728,779 times
Reputation: 1574
I know this will get bombarded, but, Ihave recent experience with this. The parent of the child is responsible for taking care of her and her mouth. If you can't wait on the parent to do so, leave it alone. If she won't talk toher daughter and, leave it alone, get on out, move on....

Some kids are brats, no ones fault but the parents, and if she caves in to "minding' her child then that would be a big red flag.

In my case, my SO had to talk to his daughter frankly...and finally all was well, we now live together, all of us, and things are well, once those boundaries were set, it was all ok.
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:10 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,349,073 times
Reputation: 3940
Quote:
Originally Posted by henry1 View Post
As the title say have you ever met a person you like to date but there kids throws up every type of road block they can think of .. i had asked this women out and i found out she had kid and i broke my own rule about not dateing women wih kids .. but her kid seam to be trying to throw roadblocks after roadblocks into us just dateing . I called her tues night and told i would be back into town on friday and would she like to go out and have dinner go see a movie that night .. tonight when she called i hear daughter in the background going you can not go out friday night because i need to here to help me and dad move stuff ..she tells that why i going out on friday night because of your father and i can not be in the same room without fighting .. in the background i can hear her kid just going off about that comment and she going on about why you can not make it with my dad and that statement got me to thinking .. how do you deal with a kid like that who no matter what she is not going to accept you and her mother are dateing .. We do not spend much time togerther when she is with her mother and only really go out when her father has her for the weekends which is every other weekend .. Do i cut the ties now or do i see how far it goes ..i know that sounds bad and sallow but i have found out the hard way about dateing women with kids and haveing to deal with the kids trying to mess you over every which way but lose in the relationship with there mother .
It sounds like you really don't like kids. Are you looking to date merely for fun, or to get remarried eventually? In either case, I think you need to understand that when dating a person with kids, their kids will always come first. This girl is not going away. If anyone goes away, it will be you. If you can't handle that, leave now. They are a package deal, and if you can't warm to the idea of having this girl live in your household (if this became serious) and come first, you shouldn't be dating her mom. If that's not something you can handle, you may need to look for someone whose kids are older and out of the house, or someone who chose not to have kids. Maybe consider looking for women who are a bit older? How old are you? A 40 year old woman is right at that age to have teenage kids.

As for the conversation in the background, I think you need to let her handle it. It's very common that kids wish their parents would get back together. It's hard to blame them when you consider how much most hate going between two households. She has no reason to like you. You aren't her dad, and from the sound of it, you don't sound like a person who's nice to have around (at least from her perspective.) Let her mom handle it.
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