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CancerianMoonPrincess, since it is you who is sure she doesn't want children, I personally feel it's on you to have a tubal ligation, not on a future fiance to have a vasectomy.
You know that whomever you are with, no matter what happens, you don't want children. So why wouldn't you have the operation yourself?
At the very least you should do something permanent so you can stop obsessing on this issue.
I should give an example since I'm not the man but I gave an answer...When my husband and I married, I had a 16-year-old son and my husband had never had children. We had one child and surprised ourselves by wanting one more. We knew that would be "it" for us and debated vasectomy v. TL.
I decided it should be me, since I had already had three children, was almost in my 40s at the time, had been a parent for 20 years already and knew I didn't want more children no matter what happened. I knew I did not want to be in my 40s and pregnant. Period. End of story.
OTOH, what if I suddenly dropped dead or ran off to become a showgirl or whatever happened, and my husband, who had only been a parent for a couple years by then and had just gotten started on his parenting journey, and was (is) four years younger than I besides and therefore could potentially be more enthusiastic about starting over with a new baby, met someone who did want a child?
So I told my husband I wanted the TL. We agreed to this while I was pregnant with our second (my third) child.
You already know that you never want children, period, end of story so it's on you to have a TL. After that, you will simply tell future dates, relationships, etc. that you made the decision to never have children and that in fact you are surgically sterilized so there will be no children, and it will all be right there out in the open so the guy can stay or bolt depending upon what his future parental preferences are. It seems fair, logical and way more easier than waiting to get engaged and then wondering if that future fiance will get a vasectomy, doesn't it?
I should give an example since I'm not the man but I gave an answer...When my husband and I married, I had a 16-year-old son and my husband had never had children. We had one child and surprised ourselves by wanting one more. We knew that would be "it" for us and debated vasectomy v. TL.
I decided it should be me, since I had already had three children, was almost in my 40s at the time, had been a parent for 20 years already and knew I didn't want more children no matter what happened. I knew I did not want to be in my 40s and pregnant. Period. End of story.
OTOH, what if I suddenly dropped dead or ran off to become a showgirl or whatever happened, and my husband, who had only been a parent for a couple years by then and had just gotten started on his parenting journey, and was (is) four years younger than I besides and therefore could potentially be more enthusiastic about starting over with a new baby, met someone who did want a child?
So I told my husband I wanted the TL. We agreed to this while I was pregnant with our second (my third) child.
You already know that you never want children, period, end of story so it's on you to have a TL. After that, you will simply tell future dates, relationships, etc. that you made the decision to never have children and that in fact you are surgically sterilized so there will be no children, and it will all be right there out in the open so the guy can stay or bolt depending upon what his future parental preferences are. It seems fair, logical and way more easier than waiting to get engaged and then wondering if that future fiance will get a vasectomy, doesn't it?
I know you're right. The only problem is finding someone who will do it on someone so young. Most doctors won't do it because they think you'll "change your mind."
I know you're right. The only problem is finding someone who will do it on someone so young. Most doctors won't do it because they think you'll "change your mind."
If that's the only problem then why not start doing some real research on how you can have this done (some doctor will do it)?
It is your decision. It won't help to find out if, hypothetically, a few men on some internet site think they might either do this or not. It's your life and your decision.
No. There's always the chance that I might want more kids.
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