Arguing: Hitting Below the Belt (men, husband, personal, relations)
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It's exactly as I said: When a man says a woman can't do any better than him, it usually means she CAN do better than him--and he knows it.
First, it's an abusive, manipulative thing to say because it's designed to make a woman feel like no one else would want her. Sorry, but that right there makes the man a lowlife. So yes, the woman can do better than him.
Second, a secure man who knows that he treats a woman right would not feel compelled to say something like that. He would know that his actions speak for themselves. He wouldn't have to tell her about how wonderful he was if he really was, and he certainly wouldn't have to cut her down as a way of trying to hold onto her. He would stand on his own merits as a man and trust that it would be enough for her to love him.
100% true.
I've never felt the need to tell a girl she can't do better than me because if it's getting to the point where I'd even be in a situation where saying that would occur, I can probably do better than her myself.
It's exactly as I said: When a man says a woman can't do any better than him, it usually means she CAN do better than him--and he knows it.
First, it's an abusive, manipulative thing to say because it's designed to make a woman feel like no one else would want her. Sorry, but that right there makes the man a lowlife. So yes, the woman can do better than him.
Second, a secure man who knows that he treats a woman right would not feel compelled to say something like that. He would know that his actions speak for themselves. He wouldn't have to tell her about how wonderful he was if he really was, and he certainly wouldn't have to cut her down as a way of trying to hold onto her. He would stand on his own merits as a man and trust that it would be enough for her to love him.
I would say you have two choices. #1 Develop a thicker skin so his remarks don't hurt you, and #2 The next time he says that, simply say, "I'm going to prove you are wrong". Then walk out of his life. People that really love and care for each other don't or shouldn't use tactics hurt each other. In the meantime, re-read post #30.
It's emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be as bad or worse than physical abuse. Her boyfriend sounds like an insecure controlling jerk who has no self-esteem so he puts her down to make himself feel better.
Emotional abuse? Get a grip, they had an argument. Some of you must be the most civil "arguers" on the planet if you think he's abusing her. For one thing, we only have one side of the story, who knows what she said before or after.
She stated "every time we argue" which means it takes two to argue. Obviously she threatens to leave him because he then retorts with his "you can't do better than me" response. So it's alright for her to threaten him with leaving (emotional blackmail), and when he goes on the defense with his own ignorant remarks he's the abuser?
Emotional abuse? Get a grip, they had an argument. Some of you must be the most civil "arguers" on the planet if you think he's abusing her. For one thing, we only have one side of the story, who knows what she said before or after.
She stated "every time we argue" which means it takes two to argue. Obviously she threatens to leave him because he then retorts with his "you can't do better than me" response. So it's alright for her to threaten him with leaving (emotional blackmail), and when he goes on the defense with his own ignorant remarks he's the abuser?
Fair point.
I'm not sure how old the OP is, it sounds like a fairly immature thing to say.
Once we were talking calmly to each other again, I'd let him know that those comments are quite hurtful, and even though they're said in the heat of the moment those words linger. Then I'd let him know if he ever said it again in an argument or not, I wouldn't let him die wondering on whether he's right ~ I would be out of there.
What would you do if every time you and your SO got into a fight he took some really low blows at you expense? Every time my bf and I get into an argument about something he always says "your not going to leave me" "you know you cant do any better than me".
It hurts like he** every time he says it and I let him know it hurts me. He always apologizes hours later once he knows he was in the wrong. But he never corrects this behavior and every time we argue he uses it again to cut me down.
Any suggestions?
In and of itself, a comment like "you know you can't do any better than me" is very hurtful and condescending. This is a very crushing thing to say to a significant other.
With that being said, we've all been in horrible no-holds barred fights with our significant others before. Names have been called, ultimatums have been presented, and possibly things have been thrown.
In my personal opinion, this is not something you want to break up with someone over, especially if it's during a fight. Everyone says things they don't mean when they are not in the right state of mind.
I think you should address it, because obviously you believe it to be true, which is why it hurts so much. I'm shocked people are saying it's emotional abuse, he's going to turn out this way etc. etc... come on, it's a cheap shot during an argument, we've all been there.
I would just move on. Abusive relationships creep on in like this. To threaten to break up at every fight is not healthy either. If it makes you feel like you don't want to be with that person think about that and present it with a real break up and move on to better times.
I'm sorry for the treatment that you have to continually endure from your b/f When it gets to the point where he's telling you that "[you're] basically worthless" and "no one else is going to want or love [you]" (which is what I gathered from the OP), that is verbal abuse, IMO.
The only practical advice that I can think of, is, whenever he is in his "good" moods, gently keep repetitively reminding him (and drilling into him verbally) from time to time, just how hurtful his verbally-abusive treatment is to you, and ask him, since he loves you, to kindly not repeat the hurtful behavior. If he hears it enough times while he is in a lucid / agreeable state, it just might hit home, in his own mind, not to do it to you.
That was my first reaction, too.......he's saying "you can't do any better than me because you are worthless and no one else will ever love you". This is about as cheap as cheap shots get and I would do some serious thinking before I considered letting the relationship go any further. He sounds like he is very insecure, himself, to have to resort to such insults.
Emotional abuse? Get a grip, they had an argument. Some of you must be the most civil "arguers" on the planet if you think he's abusing her. For one thing, we only have one side of the story, who knows what she said before or after.
She stated "every time we argue" which means it takes two to argue. Obviously she threatens to leave him because he then retorts with his "you can't do better than me" response. So it's alright for her to threaten him with leaving (emotional blackmail), and when he goes on the defense with his own ignorant remarks he's the abuser?
I can only speak for myself, but I said it's an abusive thing to say. I regard it more as a warning of bad behavior to come. I also think it's a stretch to assume that she threatens to leave him. If she does, yes, that is immature, manipulative, and abusive in its own right--unless he's doing something really toolish and she's stating her boundaries. The OP hasn't gone that far into detail, though, so for now, your assumption is a stretch. Men have blurted the same nonsense to me in the past when I had made no such threats. Usually it came on the heels of my expressing that I was unhappy with something they did.
And you can be sure I took them up on the challenge. "You won't do better than me."
"Watch me." Click.
Although I will confess that once I hit below the belt, myself, in response. "Yeah? You're no Tom Cruise. See ya!" (This was 25 years ago.)
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When it gets to the point where he's telling you that "[you're] basically worthless" and "no one else is going to want or love [you]" (which is what I gathered from the OP), that is verbal abuse, IMO.
