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Hey guys. I've always heard friends make the best relationships and I never really believed it until now. I have no idea why, but I may be in the process of dating one of my friends I've had for as long as I can remember.
Last week she text me asking if she could come to church with me. She hasn't been in a long time and wants to start back. I of course said sure. We've been texting some all week since. Some of you may have read my thread about her earlier. I wasn't looking to ask her out until late this week as we've just been flirting some and talking. I'm over my ex and I see no reason why my friend and I couldn't start casually dating to see if anything happens.
She told me she was apparently my "new girlfriend" because everyone had been asking her after seeing us at church together if we were dating. I finally told her last night since she was my "new girlfriend", she should let me take her out sometime. I knew she'd say no, we've been friends forever, it'd be weird, etc.
To my surprise, she said so where are you planning on taking me? . I told her it depends. If during the week since we both work, it'd be somewhere close. On a weekend though, we could go wherever. She said you know, slave labor always impresses me more than anything. You should come over and help me fold clothes!
I ended up going over for about 2 hours last night. We just talked and I helped her get packed for her family camping trip this weekend. There was no awkward silence and we laughed/talked the entire time. She ended up asking me if I'd like to go running with her next week. I said sure and we'd go to dinner sometime next week as well.
She said she told her mom and she thought it was funny and saw it coming. Funny because I had been in the friend zone forever, and now here we are about to go on a date.
So, I could definitely see myself dating her. She's very attractive, we're into the same things, and she has a very good career started. So, I'll just take things slow and see how it goes. I didn't expect this to happen, but it seems like it may could be a good thing?
Sounds cool! Timing is everything in situations like these. In many really good friendships, there are windows of time where this is room for something more to grow, and when both people are in a place where they're open to exploring that, it's pretty cool. Many "I'm interested in my friend" unrequited, disappointing situations are a result of poor timing.
Sounds cool! Timing is everything in situations like these. In many really good friendships, there are windows of time where this is room for something more to grow, and when both people are in a place where they're open to exploring that, it's pretty cool. Many "I'm interested in my friend" unrequited, disappointing situations are a result of poor timing.
yeah, sounds like it's a timing issue too. although if friends are not at all each others types, then "timing" is just an easy let down.
"She told me she was apparently my "new girlfriend" because everyone had been asking her after seeing us at church together if we were dating."
This is pretty much the same thing your ex's mother said, right? Of course, you have the right to start dating. You're a single man. However, I think this gives some weight to your ex's hurt feelings, which you blew off, saying "we're just friends."
Of course you should date this girl if you like her. Your ex should move on and find a guy she likes better too. Your failed relationship may have just been a stepping stone to both of you finding people who are a better match.
However, I hope as you do so, that you use a little more discretion. You and the ex only broke up 2-3 weeks ago and you are in a weird predicament. Not only do you attend the same church, but you have an unnaturally close relationship with her family, including her mother and sister. Because of that factor, you need to use more caution and compassion than might otherwise be needed, in order not to hurt your ex right after the breakup by parading this new girl around in front of her.
If you choose to continue on as you have up to this point, then whatever drama you receive, you've invited upon yourself. If you've learned anything at church other than how to pick up girls with the "God card" then I hope you'll behave with great discretion while the break-up is fresh. If multiple people were rushing up to ask if you two were dating, then I don't know what the heck you were doing during that Sunday School lesson, but maybe it could be toned down a bit. To parade the new girl in front of your ex's face is an ugly thing to do, no matter if you're free to do so or not. A person with class thinks of how his actions affect others, not just me me me.
I don't think my ex is hurting really. She was acting the entire time like she wanted me to dump her by continually being rude, not wanting to do anything, and always complaining. She never wanted to use Facebook and put we were in a relationship, and now she blows it up every hour with status updates about how happy she is and how wonderful her weekends are.
Did I think she would get mad? Yes but I'm not gonna put everything in my life on hold for her feelings. I was courteous and said hi to her back when she said it. I didn't try or have the intentions of parading a new girl around. I just knew she would think that was it, and I guess she rightfully would have had a reason to think so. But, she hasn't said anything, which surprised me. Maybe she's already over it and it didn't bother her.
And picking up girls using the "God card"? Really? That has absolutely nothing to do with picking up girls. A friend wanted to come to church and I of course am not gonna tell anyone no. Boy or girl. We didn't even act like a couple at church. She came in for the song service and preaching. We didn't even sit that close to each other. This is a small town and everyone around here thinks if you have someone with you of the opposite sex and you sit together, ya'll must be dating. There was no holding hands, arms around each other. Heck, I was on my drumkit for most of the service anyway.
I didn't HAVE intentions of asking my friend out, it just so happened to end up that way. And just from 2 hours of hanging out last night, I can already see how much better we would fit together than my ex and I did.
We didn't even act like a couple at church. She came in for the song service and preaching. We didn't even sit that close to each other.
I didn't HAVE intentions of asking my friend out, it just so happened to end up that way. And just from 2 hours of hanging out last night, I can already see how much better we would fit together than my ex and I did.
And I hope that it does work out for you. Everyone deserves to find a little happiness in this world. This girl may be much better for you. But I'll be very honest that I don't buy what you're saying. Your ex's mother was there. She thought something was up. Then the new girl had tons of people come up and ask if you were dating. Then you ask her out within a week.
Which is fine. You're a free man. Date her and be happy. Just try to cut your ex a bit of slack and don't make yourself into a heel. You were up in arms last week getting all defensive about how you were just friends and your ex was crazy for imagining things. Looks like she's a heck of a lot smarter than you gave her credit for, huh?
aparker2005, you're absolutely right: you shouldn't have to put your life on hold for the sake of your ex. There would be no telling how long you would do so. Your ex is no longer your concern, whether or not she attends the same church. The fact that the ex's Mom sees her daughter is overacting means she also recognizes your right to move on. I hope all goes well.
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