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I have a pretty serious gf, we live together and just recently moved to a new apt on a 12 month lease. I dont think I'm happy in the relationship anymore
We havent talked much in the past few days and to be honest I've never really been too interested in what she has to say, she talks too much IMO and I often find when I want to say something, she'll interrupt me. Sometimes it bores me to death, and I've become bored physically with her as well. I still find her physically attractive, but I find myself yearning for some variety, I find my eyes wandering more and more
I'm only in my early 20s and I feel like we are a boring middle aged couple in our mid 40s, its always go to work, come home, spend time with her, and our dog, go to sleep, repeat
I want to get out there and meet some other girls but at the same time, I still love my current gf, as disinteresting as she can be, the only time I find myself happy when I'm with her is when we are cuddling in bed, or showing affection in some way, even that sometimes I feel like I am faking it
On the other hand I know I will be heartbroken if we break up (we just moved to a new apartment too) and that if we did split, we'd still split our bills 50/50, but I know she would find a new lover a LOT faster than I ever could, I'm not that confident with the ladies
My gf has put up with my addiction as well, which I am recovering (been in recovery for a year now) as well as multiple attempts (though not actually committing the act) of cheating on her.
She still loves me unconditionally and is the only person who ever has, I dont want to break her heart, this is why I havent dumped her. Even though I'm not interested, I dont want to see her get hurt
When we first got together I was happy and it was so much fun, now its gotten boring to me and that feeling of newness and spontaneity is gone
Is there anyway I can rekindle this happiness? Or is this relationship doomed?
She still loves me unconditionally and is the only person who ever has, I dont want to break her heart, this is why I havent dumped her. Even though I'm not interested, I dont want to see her get hurt
When we first got together I was happy and it was so much fun, now its gotten boring to me and that feeling of newness and spontaneity is gone
Is there anyway I can rekindle this happiness? Or is this relationship doomed?
This relationship has been in trouble for a long time. You have asked for advice multiple times before, yet failed to take it when offered. When you asked this 4 months ago (before this new lease), people advised you to end it then. You didn't. Now you are on the hook for a lease, have wasted 4 more months of this poor girl's time and are no happier.
At some point you need to, as they say, poop or get off the pot, ya know?
Either you two are a bad match who will never be happy, OR you are somewhat compatible and this is 100% in your head because you are not at a place in your life where you are ready to settle down with someone. My guess is the latter. You may be the kind of guy destined to jump from one relationship to the next every few months (never getting serious or having anyone deeply love you) because you can't get over the newness wearing off. It always has to be different and fresh for you, rather than you placing value in a long term commitment and the mature love that can grow between two people. And you know what? That's okay--but if that's how you feel, you need to set this poor girl free to find a man who can truly love her in return.
Your post here makes it sound like you think you are the one with the right to feel put out over this, that she's so boring and forcing you to act middle aged and blah blah blah, but truly, your girlfriend is the one I feel sorry for. She's put up with quite a sorry lump of a man with you--what with your addiction and multiple attempts to cheat on her. And instead of you being grateful for what you have, you look at her like she's the one holding you back. IF you want life to be more interesting, what's stopping you? Have you considered that YOU might be the boring one?
Bottom line, either you need to fix this in your own head (like go to therapy) and devote 100% of your effort to making the relationship work or you need to break it off, go pursue what would make you happy and free her to find someone who truly loves her, who will consider these days and nights with her to be a gift, not a burden.
Either option would be fine.
What would make you an unmitigated horse's a$$ is to continue stringing this poor girl along, using her for companionship when she thinks the two of you are building a future together. She deserves a man who thinks the sun rises and sets with her, who wants to build a future with her and will be thrilled to do so, not dragged kicking and screaming. If you aren't that man, then do the right thing and stop wasting her time. You may say "she'll be so hurt" but she will be a heck of a lot MORE hurt if you waste 2 more of her years when she could be finding a man who really loved her and who really wanted a life with her. Any more time you spend faking it is selfish.
You say the only time you feel happy with her is when you're in bed??...I think what this all boils down to is that you like the sex, and the fact that she's put up with your addictions, and wayward ways....You don't love HER...you only love what she does for you.....you are being veeery selfish, and keeping this woman from finding a man who can trully love and cherish her for who she is.....tell her the truth...tell her you want out....the longer you wait the harder it will be for her..........if you care for her even a tiny bit you would be more honest and upright with this woman..
I have a pretty serious gf, we live together and just recently moved to a new apt on a 12 month lease. I dont think I'm happy in the relationship anymore Should have thought about this before signing the new lease, eh?
We havent talked much in the past few days and to be honest I've never really been too interested in what she has to say, real nice...she talks too much IMO and I often find when I want to say something, she'll interrupt me. Maybe because you bore HER? Sometimes it bores me to death, and I've become bored physically with her as well. I still find her physically attractive, but I find myself yearning for some variety, I find my eyes wandering more and more
I'm only in my early 20s and I feel like we are a boring middle aged couple in our mid 40s, its always go to work, come home, spend time with her, and our dog, go to sleep, repeat Wow...welcome to the grown up world. Maybe your addictions and rehab have created some debt?
I want to get out there and meet some other girls but at the same time, I still love my current gf, as disinteresting as she can be, the only time I find myself happy when I'm with her is when we are cuddling in bed, or showing affection in some way, even that sometimes I feel like I am faking it
On the other hand I know I will be heartbroken if we break up (we just moved to a new apartment too) and that if we did split, we'd still split our bills 50/50, but I know she would find a new lover a LOT faster than I ever could, I'm not that confident with the ladies
My gf has put up with my addiction as well, which I am recovering (been in recovery for a year now) as well as multiple attempts (though not actually committing the act) of cheating on her.
She still loves me unconditionally and is the only person who ever has, I dont want to break her heart, this is why I havent dumped her. Even though I'm not interested, I dont want to see her get hurt
When we first got together I was happy and it was so much fun, now its gotten boring to me and that feeling of newness and spontaneity is gone
Is there anyway I can rekindle this happiness? Or is this relationship doomed?
No, either you need to grow up and realize that relationships are not always flames and fireworks, or let her go. You don't love her. You're just afraid of being alone and not finding someone else to help take care of you, if you should break it off with her. That's pretty selfish man...right to the core. You don't want her, but you don't want anyone ELSE to have her....yeah, that's about as selfish as it gets. Here she's carried you through the really tough times, she's steady, reliable and yet oh, so boring. Do you really think you deserve someone better than her? It's certainly not likely that you're going to find someone "better" than her.
If you don't love her...let her go so that she can find someone who WILL love her, just the way she is!
I have a pretty serious gf, we live together and just recently moved to a new apt on a 12 month lease. I dont think I'm happy in the relationship anymore
We havent talked much in the past few days and to be honest I've never really been too interested in what she has to say, she talks too much IMO and I often find when I want to say something, she'll interrupt me. Sometimes it bores me to death, and I've become bored physically with her as well. I still find her physically attractive, but I find myself yearning for some variety, I find my eyes wandering more and more
I'm only in my early 20s and I feel like we are a boring middle aged couple in our mid 40s, its always go to work, come home, spend time with her, and our dog, go to sleep, repeat
I want to get out there and meet some other girls but at the same time, I still love my current gf, as disinteresting as she can be, the only time I find myself happy when I'm with her is when we are cuddling in bed, or showing affection in some way, even that sometimes I feel like I am faking it
On the other hand I know I will be heartbroken if we break up (we just moved to a new apartment too) and that if we did split, we'd still split our bills 50/50, but I know she would find a new lover a LOT faster than I ever could, I'm not that confident with the ladies
My gf has put up with my addiction as well, which I am recovering (been in recovery for a year now) as well as multiple attempts (though not actually committing the act) of cheating on her.
She still loves me unconditionally and is the only person who ever has, I dont want to break her heart, this is why I havent dumped her. Even though I'm not interested, I dont want to see her get hurt
When we first got together I was happy and it was so much fun, now its gotten boring to me and that feeling of newness and spontaneity is gone
Is there anyway I can rekindle this happiness? Or is this relationship doomed?
You should leave her and save her the heartache, you obviously aren't attracted to her emotionally....what exactly got boring? sex life? her personality?
I have a pretty serious gf, we live together and just recently moved to a new apt on a 12 month lease. I dont think I'm happy in the relationship anymore
We havent talked much in the past few days and to be honest I've never really been too interested in what she has to say, she talks too much IMO and I often find when I want to say something, she'll interrupt me. Sometimes it bores me to death, and I've become bored physically with her as well. I still find her physically attractive, but I find myself yearning for some variety, I find my eyes wandering more and more
I'm only in my early 20s and I feel like we are a boring middle aged couple in our mid 40s, its always go to work, come home, spend time with her, and our dog, go to sleep, repeat
I want to get out there and meet some other girls but at the same time, I still love my current gf, as disinteresting as she can be, the only time I find myself happy when I'm with her is when we are cuddling in bed, or showing affection in some way, even that sometimes I feel like I am faking it
On the other hand I know I will be heartbroken if we break up (we just moved to a new apartment too) and that if we did split, we'd still split our bills 50/50, but I know she would find a new lover a LOT faster than I ever could, I'm not that confident with the ladies
My gf has put up with my addiction as well, which I am recovering (been in recovery for a year now) as well as multiple attempts (though not actually committing the act) of cheating on her.
She still loves me unconditionally and is the only person who ever has, I dont want to break her heart, this is why I havent dumped her. Even though I'm not interested, I dont want to see her get hurt
When we first got together I was happy and it was so much fun, now its gotten boring to me and that feeling of newness and spontaneity is gone
Is there anyway I can rekindle this happiness? Or is this relationship doomed?
Congratulations young man, it's called reality.
What you were feeling initially, is called a number of different things. Mostly it is a feeling that people have to ensure the survival of the species by making certain that people have a lot of sex early on in the relationship. This feeling naturally dissipates in a relatively short period of time.
If you think you can maintain this feeling indefinitely, you are mistaken. You can go on to another relationship and another and another indefinitely and never find what you are looking for. As you get older you probably will figure this out on your own, but some people never do.
Nothwithstanding the fact that moving in together was a big mistake, the honorable thing to do would be to move out and let your girlfriend find a roommate to cover your 1/2 of the rent. Then I would continue to see her and work on your relationship together, since you do have some feelings for her. In time perhaps you will understand that love is not that "butterflies in your tummy" feeling, but instead something that grows and gets stronger over time.
20yrsinBranson
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