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It's been 2 months since my ex broke up with me (wow, feels much longer than that) and I feel like I'm 95% over it. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% over it, I was really happy when I was with her, but I know now that I'll never ever take her back for any reason and no desire to ever speak to her again.
I have a lot of friends who are married and/or engaged as that's where a lot of people are at around my age (28) and I usually jump on the chance to meet a new girl or get to know someone or think about going on dates. I'm social person and love to make conversation so the actual event of a date is something I look forward to typically. However, I have no desire to go on another date again.
I'm a baseball player, and I use this analogy to describe exactly how I feel:
At some point, a ball player gets to a point where he's ready to walk away from the game. He's played his whole life, loved it, struggled, succeeded, learned a lot along the way, but at some point he's done. He gets too old, he's played the game too much, his arm hurts from all the seasons and wear and tear he's put it through....he just can't do it anymore. Sure, he still thinks about the game once in a while, but he's ready to walk away and move on with his life. He no longer has that desire to hit a walk-off HR or win a championship. He's given up on that. He can be happy without the game now. Maybe he takes up golf, maybe a new career path, maybe a new hobby...but he's done with the game.
That's how I feel about dating. I've never really had a girlfriend that my friends considered to "treat me well" or was "smart-minded" and looking back I agree. I've never really dated a good girl. It's not that I chase bad ones or purposely ignore good girls, I just never had one cross my path or had a connection with one. I'm at the age now where I feel like the good ones are all spoken for and I'm not in the business of ruining relationships for a chance of my own.
I'm just tired. Emotionally tired. I really feel happy now, I've lost 30 lbs working out and I look great, my baseball team is doing well, work is going well, summer time is keeping me busy, I have a lot going on, and there's trips I am going to take and many more places I want to visit and many things I want to do. Dating has just put my heart through too much. I haven't even been through anything crazy like other stories I've heard/seen like divorce, been cheated on, or anything like that and I STILL feel like I've had more than I could ever take.
I don't feel bitter, angry, or sad....I just don't care anymore. If anything I'm glad I've gone through those bad experiences because they brought me to where I am today. I've learned with my workout habits/results that there's so many other things that you can put your energy into and get a much better return on your investment in terms of self improvement and happiness that it almost seems ludicrous to spend so much time on dating or online profiles or worrying about what the other person thinks. What kind of way is that to live your life? Other people that you engage in such a mutual and sacrificing relationship with will only bring you down as an individual. They can only hold you back from being so much more. If my ex hadn't dumped me, I'd still be out of shape, ashamed of my gut, and unhealthy. I visited family for the holiday and they were blown away at how great I look now. It's such a great feeling of self accomplishment, better than any member of the opposite sex can ever give you, and you know that it is a feeling that no one can take away from you or change. It's there forever. Love is only temporary anyway, like a high feeling from a drug. It's great when you have it, but it has to end sometime and you come down feeling worse than you did before you inhaled. Who needs that?
Life is not a baseball game becoz baseball or football for that matter is a stupid game for stupid people who otherwise don't have a good job or many other things to do
Life is not a baseball game becoz baseball or football for that matter is a stupid game for stupid people who otherwise don't have a good job or many other things to do
In the East, yes, where there is a rigid family structure where people never feel lonely. By 35, at least the family tries to hook the person up by arranging a marriage.
In the land of little family values, lack of dating is sending individuals to therapists. These socially inept human beings long for love and companionship. Sure as you and I were born, dating is central to the lives of these and a lot of people. Ask the "never married" individuals in their 40s and 50s, living a lonely and bitter life, despite putting up their best efforts to make it look like they are okay.
In the East, yes, where there is a rigid family structure where people never feel lonely. By 35, at least the family tries to hook the person up by arranging a marriage.
In the land of little family values, lack of dating is sending individuals to therapists. These socially inept human beings long for love and companionship. Sure as you and I were born, dating is central to the lives of these and a lot of people. Ask the "never married" individuals in their 40s and 50s, living a lonely and bitter life, despite putting up their best efforts to make it look like they are okay.
That's a pretty big assumption about never married people. Marriage is not the key to life's happiness. Some people do better alone and never should marry. Not everyone in the world is afraid to be alone or even die alone.
In the East, yes, where there is a rigid family structure where people never feel lonely. By 35, at least the family tries to hook the person up by arranging a marriage.
In the land of little family values, lack of dating is sending individuals to therapists. These socially inept human beings long for love and companionship. Sure as you and I were born, dating is central to the lives of these and a lot of people. Ask the "never married" individuals in their 40s and 50s, living a lonely and bitter life, despite putting up their best efforts to make it look like they are okay.
You sure are making a lot of assumptions. Assuming unmarried 40 or 50 year olds are bitter, miserable and lonely. Some may be but others have accepted there situation and learned to live with it.
That's a pretty big assumption about never married people. Marriage is not the key to life's happiness. Some people do better alone and never should marry. Not everyone in the world is afraid to be alone or even die alone.
I've heard it takes 1/2 the amount of time that you were with someone to get over them. So, for instance, if you were with your ex for 2 years, it could take around 1 year before you feel ready to move on. That's typically been the case with my past relationships too.
Your breakup is still recent. Give yourself some time and enjoy being single. Do things YOU like to do (maybe there are some things you couldn't do when you were with your ex?). I know the feeling of, "what's the point of loving when it only hurts when love is lost." That fear is probably a big reason why I'm still single at 31. But I'm a believer that everything will happen when it's supposed to...sometimes love can't be planned or prevented. And when it's the right time, all the energy and emotions invested be worth it (that's what I like to hope will be the case anyway. haha).
Grief is individual. And grief doesn't even follow the same path within each individual for each time. You are experiencing a loss, therefore grief. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't flounder in it, revel in it, or wallow in it; but do allow yourself to experience it. Trying to speed up the process only makes it last longer.
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