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So I am writing this to get advice, opinons and to feel better about letting it out. I am a university student and havnt had too much relationship experience. However over the years, I have had the odd girl and gotten over the odd girl but for the first time I havn't. I met this girl at the start of the year and from the start, I knew I liked her. I got talking to her and got to know her quite well and we started hanging out abit.
A few months passed and I find out she has a boyfriend after I had been spending abit of time getting to know her and liking her more.
However, the mare fact she has a boyfriend and me telling her that I do really like her has not stopped her from going to the movies with me and hanging out at her house by ourselves. She talks openly about her bf and even says her mum doesn't approve of him (The mum likes me alot). They have been going out for 1 year and 6 months.
The thing now is that I can't stand being just a friend and want more. I have never felt like this before. I try to get over her but EVERYTHING reminds me of her and I cant really avoid her as she does uni with me! I get to the point where i'm feeling down about myself cause I can't have her. Is this normal?!
So i guess the question I pose is whats the best thing to do from here? Soooooooooooooo confused
Well, at this point you have a choice. You have a crush on this girl. You told her how you feel and she didn't respond positively when you expressed your feelings. She continued dating her boyfriend. You cannot control what she decides to do. Maybe she marries her BF one day. Maybe she dumps him a year from now and dates you. Maybe she breaks up with him a year from now and goes out with another guy while you get your feelings hurt. There's no way to know.
Accordingly, I think it's never a good idea to spend a lot of time hung up on someone who doesn't return your feelings. It sets a bad precedent that you're going to devote yourself to someone who isn't offering anything in return... that shows a lack of self-worth and isn't attractive, nor is it healthy. You could waste years following her around like a puppy dog and miss out on dating girls who may have returned your feelings.
If it was me, I would put some distance between you and her. Be honest about it and tell her that you like her very much, but that because of your romantic feelings for her, you don't feel you can be honestly friends and you don't want to do something dishonorable when she has a commitment to her boyfriend. Then work to make new friends in your classes.
I would say that you are stuck in the eternal abyss known as the FRIEND ZONE!! (ominous echo. . .)
You like her and she likes the attention she gets from you. She is probably not attracted to you or only very little attraction. After a man-friend confesses his feelings, most respectable women would minimize their alone time with them so as to respect and protect the exclusivity with their boyfriend. However, you are likely giving her something that her boyfriend does not (perhaps you are attending to her emotional needs and he is not for example) so she is keeping you around. I've been friend-zoned by many many many women hoping that they would change their minds once they finally realized that I was the one they wanted. The problem was that they friend-zone people who fulfill their needs outside of physical affection.
h886 has some great advice; I would read it and take it to heart. My personal policy is that if I'm attracted to a woman who's friend-zoneded me, I distance myself as much as possible. It's really not worth the emotional turmoil you'll go through falling in love with her while she dates the loser (who won't [INSERT ROMANTIC CLICHE HERE] like you will, which is what your mind will tell you). You can save yourself a lot of heartbreak by moving on to someone else. I've been through it tons of times, and that's the best advice I can give you.
Oh and one last thing, don't let her cheat on him with you. It NEVER ends well.
yup, you're in friendship purgatory. time to cut your losses and move on, but make sure you've learned your lesson from this. if you're into a chic, let her know right away. if she doesn't reciprocate, move on.
yup, you're in friendship purgatory. time to cut your losses and move on, but make sure you've learned your lesson from this. if you're into a chic, let her know right away. if she doesn't reciprocate, move on.
Why did it take you months to find out that she had a b/f?
Man, you are the classic example of a nice guy! A lot of guys have been in your boat. Use this experience and learn. While you are thinking about her, her bf is banging her. Yes, this is normal. Move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blahblah123
So I am writing this to get advice, opinons and to feel better about letting it out. I am a university student and havnt had too much relationship experience. However over the years, I have had the odd girl and gotten over the odd girl but for the first time I havn't. I met this girl at the start of the year and from the start, I knew I liked her. I got talking to her and got to know her quite well and we started hanging out abit.
A few months passed and I find out she has a boyfriend after I had been spending abit of time getting to know her and liking her more.
However, the mare fact she has a boyfriend and me telling her that I do really like her has not stopped her from going to the movies with me and hanging out at her house by ourselves. She talks openly about her bf and even says her mum doesn't approve of him (The mum likes me alot). They have been going out for 1 year and 6 months.
The thing now is that I can't stand being just a friend and want more. I have never felt like this before. I try to get over her but EVERYTHING reminds me of her and I cant really avoid her as she does uni with me! I get to the point where i'm feeling down about myself cause I can't have her. Is this normal?!
So i guess the question I pose is whats the best thing to do from here? Soooooooooooooo confused
Keep her on as a friend while you are looking around for other life mates, her relationship with current boyfriend could change in the future and then you could bring the friendship to a higher level of interaction, to force the issue at the moment may not be in your best interest if you want to keep the potential passion alive for future considerations..
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