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Does anyone have personal experience in forgiving someone 100% for a grievous offense? How did you do it?
A man I knew of was so traumatized by the way his ex turned his children against him, he vowed not to have any children anymore. He made this very clear to his girlfriend at the beginning of their relationship. Anyway she got pregnant accidentally but opted for abortion to accommodate her boyfriend’s feelings. They finally got married and everything was fine until her decided she wanted children after all. After much argument and a brief separation, he gave in to her wishes. Unfortunately, she could not have any children anymore. From then on, she demonstrated her seething anger towards him by denying him sex and yelling at him all the time. He reached his limit after five years of this treatment and walked out on her. She was devastated. She still loved him deeply but she didn’t know how to deal with her anger. He also loved her dearly but he just couldn’t deal with the stress her constant anger caused him.
In another incident, a woman was very much hurt by her husband’s cheating. She stays in the marriage for her children’s sake. She still loves him but her anger makes it impossible for her to have sex with him or to treat him nicely. Their patched up marriage is still chugging along but I don’t know how long it is going to last.
I don’t want to judge who is right or who is wrong in the above scenarios. I just want to know if someone has personal experience in overcoming anger and resentment of this magnitude and still managed to preserve a loving relationship without punishing the transgressor in any manner.
Does anyone have personal experience in forgiving someone 100% for a grievous offense? How did you do it?
A man I knew of was so traumatized by the way his ex turned his children against him, he vowed not to have any children anymore. He made this very clear to his girlfriend at the beginning of their relationship. Anyway she got pregnant accidentally but opted for abortion to accommodate her boyfriend’s feelings. They finally got married and everything was fine until her decided she wanted children after all. After much argument and a brief separation, he gave in to her wishes. Unfortunately, she could not have any children anymore. From then on, she demonstrated her seething anger towards him by denying him sex and yelling at him all the time. He reached his limit after five years of this treatment and walked out on her. She was devastated. She still loved him deeply but she didn’t know how to deal with her anger. He also loved her dearly but he just couldn’t deal with the stress her constant anger caused him.
In another incident, a woman was very much hurt by her husband’s cheating. She stays in the marriage for her children’s sake. She still loves him but her anger makes it impossible for her to have sex with him or to treat him nicely. Their patched up marriage is still chugging along but I don’t know how long it is going to last.
I don’t want to judge who is right or who is wrong in the above scenarios. I just want to know if someone has personal experience in overcoming anger and resentment of this magnitude and still managed to preserve a loving relationship as if nothing happened.
I think its harder to forgive then it is to hold a grudge, for some people, and yes, I've had that personal experience, but I will not share it. It was a most devestating time in my life.
I did manage to forgive after many years of prayer, self examination, and hard work on my part, but I never forgot, and was always cautious after that.
Who ever wrote forgiveness is forgetting, was wrong...or at least my way of thinking...you can forgive, but you can never forget a hurt like that.
and I'm not talking about a husband running around...and I believe it surely can be worked out and forgotten with much work from both partners.
Cremebrulee, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Personally speaking, I don't really take revenge but I tend to avoid people who are unrepentent, hurt me repeatedly and will do so willingly again given half the chance. I just don't know how to "turn the other cheek" after three times. 70 times 7 is way out of my league :-(
Last edited by lauren123; 01-19-2009 at 05:00 PM..
Forgiveness isn't really for the benefit of the person who hurt you. It's actually done so you can move on. If you don't forgive, you cannot move forward with your life. Besides, carrying all that excess baggage can wear you out. Why hurt yourself all over again?
I have too much to deal with everyday to actually hold a grudge. Life is too short.
Forgiveness isn't really for the benefit of the person who hurt you. It's actually done so you can move on. If you don't forgive, you cannot move forward with your life. Besides, carrying all that excess baggage can wear you out. Why hurt yourself all over again?
I have too much to deal with everyday to actually hold a grudge. Life is too short.
I forgave and moved on with the relationship only to have the same thing happen again a few years later. So needless to say its MUCH harder to forgive the second time around. I think its possible but it is hard work. Forgiveness is something you have to give though because if you don't then you end up bitter and angry. Those emotions are not good for you or your relationship. I've seen so many wronged women and men carry those emotions for years if not forever and its almost as bad as a disease getting ahold of your body.
I forgave and moved on with the relationship only to have the same thing happen again a few years later. So needless to say its MUCH harder to forgive the second time around. I think its possible but it is hard work. Forgiveness is something you have to give though because if you don't then you end up bitter and angry. Those emotions are not good for you or your relationship. I've seen so many wronged women and men carry those emotions for years if not forever and its almost as bad as a disease getting ahold of your body.
Yeah, it can eat away a relationship from the inside too. Did you go for marriage counseling? Or did religion give you strength?
Cremebrulee, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Personally speaking, I don't really take revenge but I tend to avoid people who are unrepentent, hurt me repeatedly and will do so willingly again given half the chance. I just don't know how to "turn the other cheek" after three times. 70 times 7 is way out of my league :-(
well, I turned my cheek twice, and won't do it again...so, I agree with you...hugs
Creme
Actions like that are unforgivable. Probably couldn't get any worse than that.
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