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She states that, when all is said and done, it is the woman who is in control of a relationship, and its success or failure.
In order to have a good relationship you have to make certain (unpopular) decisions about how you relate to your spouse. And some of those (unpopular) decisions include such things as letting him make decisions that you might not like or approve of. It means treating him with respect (which includes not contradicting his choices because you don't like them). It means treating him with love and affection and sex (even when you aren't particularly in the mood).
Basically, what it boils down to is treating your man the same way you did when you were dating - all the time - ALL THE TIME. Including listening to his lame stories and jokes with rapt attention; talking with him about his hopes and plans for the future; supporting his interests and hobbies; building up his ego by saying nice things and complimenting the good things about him; not arguing or wanting things YOUR WAY all the flippin time.
My philosophy is this. Within each of us lives the child that we once were. Many men really do not grow emotionally beyond about 6 years old (not talking intellectual here - talking pure, raw emotion). Therefore, if you treat your husband much the way you would treat a 6 year old... i.e. cheering his successes, encouraging him, loving him UNCONDITIONALLY even when he does things you don't like or approve of...then you will have what you need for a good relationship.
Women always tend to balk at that this and get defensive because they feel like their "rights" are being taken away or that they are being requested to become "doormats". But nothing is further from the truth because YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING. It is up to you to CHOOSE what you do and say, and whether you want to make marriage a good experience or a bad one.
That is it in a nutshell, but I do strongly suggest reading the book. It's very good.
20yrsinBranson
That book spoke to me. For YEARS I accused my husband of being controlling because he wanted to do EVERYTHING with me. If I wanted to go somewhere alone (the mall, etc) and he insisted on coming along, I would feel suffocated and accuse him of trying to control me. Then we would get into a huge argument about it. It got to the point where I quit TRYING to go anywhere alone because I knew it would turn into this.
Then I read this book and it said essentially, "Maybe he really just wants to spend time with you. Do you know how lucky you are to have a man that enhoys your company this much????"
After reading the book, I sat down and discussed it with him. Then I told him that sometimes I really do need space and alone time and he backed off.
meaning, as a man i'm expected to act dynamically and make things happen. I make the first move, I keep the conversation going, I make the plans, I have no choice but to take initiative to create the relationship itself.
Women have the "canvas" mentality -- "I'm awesome, so I will just sit here and wait for the artist."
My dad always told us, "don't listen to what he says, watch what he does." And it's been true, if someone says he's going to do something, or that something is important to him but his actions don't back that up, it's a red flag.
You don't learn anything about romantic relationships from a book. It's like learning how to run a marathon "from a book." You learn about romantic relationships first-hand. From falling in love with the right person for you and sustaining it over many years. A book? What a joke.
I think Taoistdude & 20yrsinBranson answered this excellently. There's so much to learn from books... so much that your experiences alone would never teach you.
Saying that you can only learn about relationships firsthand, assumes that you can experience every single relationship scenario there is, and that is just not true or even possible.
Another person, writing down their experience and sharing it with the world, gives you the knowledge or validation you'd not have otherwise gathered so I don't see how it's not useful, but hey, it's a free world.
meaning, as a man i'm expected to act dynamically and make things happen. I make the first move, I keep the conversation going, I make the plans, I have no choice but to take initiative to create the relationship itself.
Women have the "canvas" mentality -- "I'm awesome, so I will just sit here and wait for the artist."
My philosophy is this. Within each of us lives the child that we once were. Many men really do not grow emotionally beyond about 6 years old (not talking intellectual here - talking pure, raw emotion). Therefore, if you treat your husband much the way you would treat a 6 year old... i.e. cheering his successes, encouraging him, loving him UNCONDITIONALLY even when he does things you don't like or approve of...then you will have what you need for a good relationship.
If this is true, we, as a society, are doing a tremendous disservice to our sons/brothers/husbands.
Quote:
I like this, sounds very Alpha-Ish
It sounds like practical advice for anyone, man or woman. If you want something to happen, you must take the steps.
From a wise man (granted at times he doesn't sound very smart)
In a relationship (advice for us guys), you can either be happy or right! lol it's funny because it seems so friggin true!
I don't believe in relationship books. In fact, the more relationship books a girlfriend had, the worse I knew the relationship was going to be.
However, the best relationship advice I ever had as this:
Respect yourself and respect the person you're with. If you respect yourself, then you'll not only be much more likely to attract a better class of person, but it also means that you'll be less willing to put up with nonsense. Likewise, enter into any relationship with equal respect for the other person.
I don't believe in relationship books. In fact, the more relationship books a girlfriend had, the worse I knew the relationship was going to be.
However, the best relationship advice I ever had as this:
Respect yourself and respect the person you're with. If you respect yourself, then you'll not only be much more likely to attract a better class of person, but it also means that you'll be less willing to put up with nonsense. Likewise, enter into any relationship with equal respect for the other person.
Words of substance...
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