Men with unrealistic standards (dating, wife, boyfriend, how to)

[suissegrl702]

I've seen several threads on here that talk about women with their heads in the clouds. Why not for men? I can't seem to find those threads.

I'm above average looking, maybe 10 pounds overweight, tops, well endowed (gee thanks Mom), athletic, and have very long hair. But I'm not a 10, or even a 9, and I'm smart enough to realize this and smart enough not to go looking for those kinds of men. I also dress nice and trendy; I get compliments regularly for how I look--I'm more of a fashionista.

But the men I seem to find think differently. I seem to be finding a lot of men who think they are entitled to women who are a 9 or a 10, even when they are a 5. Allow me to give examples form the last three men I've liked or dated.

The first guy, who I dated twice, is 26. He is overweight, was once obese. He's not too horrible on the eyes, he knows how to dress. If I were to rate him, I'd rate him a 6. He is a Mormon, and after we quit dating, I overheard that he is upset that he cannot bag a temple recommend holding Mormon woman, one of whom is attractive. In his universe "attractive" means looks like Gwyneth Paltrow or Megan Fox, but with a temple recommend, and willing to overlook the fact that he lives with his parents and their cats, owns a crap car, has no aspirations and goals beyond being a "starving artist" (he works part-time, for minimal wages at a department store and is NOT in college) and has never gone on an LDS mission. I have contemplated blocking him on facebook because he complains at length about how he cannot get a Mormon woman, and how even us non-LDS women won't date him. I ended it with him because he was flippant and I did not seem to be a priority to him at all, even though he claimed to like me, and because he had no ambition. I'm not expecting a guy to be rich or middle class even, but some sort of ambition would be nice! I would imagine that LDS women are turning him down because he isn't working that much and does not aspire to work much, and therefore would not be the kind of man a woman would want to start a family with. I suspect that fact alone is more to blame than what he claims is the problem, which is that he never went on an LDS mission (dare I say it, probably because, *gasp* two years out in a foreign country would have gotten in the way of the Graphic Design stuff).

The next guy, who I also dated, was a 37 year old living in my hometown. He complains that the women are few and far between. I'll give a little on that: Vegas has been ranked as having more men than women, and the women there are above average looking, according to several polls, and far pickier. However, I did learn who he was chasing, and as far as I am concerned, if you chase after 10s when you are a 6, you're getting what you deserve. He ended up with a woman who is a 9 on looks but who has issues, who won't even shack up with him, or marry him, and now, rather than whine about how he can't get a woman, he whines about how he cannot get a wife and kids.

The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot. I'd rank him a 5. His ex informed me that he starves himself and crash diets because he hates working out. He lies and tells women that he loves working out. He manages money poorly. He lives with his parents. I see him around regularly. He looks like Mexican Trailer Trash: cut up sweatpants, oversize shirts to hide the fact that he has man boobs and a beer belly, flip flops, a rosary, and a baseball cap to hide the fact that he is balding, and badly. The only woman he will date? A 10, and nothing less. Because he is perfect...or so he thinks, and deserves the best. I think his ex inflated his ego; she was a 10; but he dated her, I'm sure, because he met her in a city with more women than men, so the women settle more. As it was they dated for 8 months, she dumped him; he whines that she never gave him a chance; he put on weight and forgot to shave his head, and looks even worse now. The only thing he has going for him is that he has ambition...and a sense of humor, and a cute face. He now regularly whines about how badly his dates are going. He not only wants a 10, but expects her to not have any kids from a previous relationship and to have never touched drugs.

I have read plenty of threads on here about how women have unrealistic standards...it cuts both ways. I've also read that women don't consider looks...well, that is a lie. I'm not going to date a dog because he has a sense of humor and a million bucks. Sorry.

And yes, I have met female friends and colleagues with their heads in the clouds.

I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, to get up to marathon level. And the men can look all they want as I get thinner, but I'm just going to pass. I'm tired of the unrealistic standards of it all.

[WakaFlocka]

Most men are realistic. Most don't expect to get the Maxim model. The majority of women from what I've seen think they deserve the highly desirable male and have no problem sharing him. Men don't fight over a woman like women do over a man.

[3DogNight]

I know two such creatures; one is a friend, one is a coworker. Oddly enough, both very similar in attributes - average height, considerable girth, one is balding, the other is not, facially....well, let's just say average can be a very broad spectrum, so no, they wouldn't be pulled out of a crowd to hit the cover of GQ any time soon for their average American male appearances.

However. Both ride the delusion train...holding out for tall, leggy, preferably blond MENSA recruits who want 2.5 children and have stunning career potential. When one was fixed up with another coworker, he stated that he wasn't interested in her because he wanted his arms to touch on the other side when he hugged her. No mention of how *his* belly would get in the way of that little triumph, just how her roundness would be the obstruction.

I think it all boils down not to b@lls but more self-esteem. Some (men) have too much whereas a lot (women) have too little.

[BajanYankee]

You don't see threads about men having unrealistically high standards for the same reason that you don't see threads about men saving their "goodies."

[biafra4life]

I disagree with this...yes we do have idiotic men on crack who want tens when they are nowhere near that, but as a whole??? I would say men are far more realistic than women...perfect example, studies have shown that the idea of what women consider beautiful is far more stringent than what men would like...fellow males on CD, holla if this sounds familiar...female friend complains that she desperately has to lose 20 pounds...yet to us she looks perfectly fine the way she is...sound familiar? trust me ladies, YOU are the ones with unrealistic views of YOURSELVES, not us guys.

[j_jimerino]

There aren't many threads about this because while those men do in fact exist no one really cares what they think anyway.

[Cindy_Jole]

Originally Posted by biafra4life

I disagree with this...yes we do have idiotic men on crack who want tens when they are nowhere near that, but as a whole??? I would say men are far more realistic than women...perfect example, studies have shown that the idea of what women consider beautiful is far more stringent than what men would like...fellow males on CD, holla if this sounds familiar...female friend complains that she desperately has to lose 20 pounds...yet to us she looks perfectly fine the way she is...sound familiar? trust me ladies, YOU are the ones with unrealistic views of YOURSELVES, not us guys.

And studies also show that men are far more likely to dump their partners if they become overweight than women. So whose requirements are more stringent and unrealistic?

[misplaced1]

So skip the men with unrealistic standards and go out with guys who don't. I'm average looking and never had a problem. Best friends have been guys, also never had a problem finding a long term boyfriend. Married now for years so an average looking girl can be happy with a guy who just loves her for being her.

[mikeyking]

Originally Posted by suissegrl702

I've seen several threads on here that talk about women with their heads in the clouds. Why not for men? I can't seem to find those threads.

I'm above average looking, maybe 10 pounds overweight, tops, well endowed (gee thanks Mom), athletic, and have very long hair. But I'm not a 10, or even a 9, and I'm smart enough to realize this and smart enough not to go looking for those kinds of men. I also dress nice and trendy; I get compliments regularly for how I look--I'm more of a fashionista.

But the men I seem to find think differently. I seem to be finding a lot of men who think they are entitled to women who are a 9 or a 10, even when they are a 5. Allow me to give examples form the last three men I've liked or dated.

The first guy, who I dated twice, is 26. He is overweight, was once obese. He's not too horrible on the eyes, he knows how to dress. If I were to rate him, I'd rate him a 6. He is a Mormon, and after we quit dating, I overheard that he is upset that he cannot bag a temple recommend holding Mormon woman, one of whom is attractive. In his universe "attractive" means looks like Gwyneth Paltrow or Megan Fox, but with a temple recommend, and willing to overlook the fact that he lives with his parents and their cats, owns a crap car, has no aspirations and goals beyond being a "starving artist" (he works part-time, for minimal wages at a department store and is NOT in college) and has never gone on an LDS mission. I have contemplated blocking him on facebook because he complains at length about how he cannot get a Mormon woman, and how even us non-LDS women won't date him. I ended it with him because he was flippant and I did not seem to be a priority to him at all, even though he claimed to like me, and because he had no ambition. I'm not expecting a guy to be rich or middle class even, but some sort of ambition would be nice! I would imagine that LDS women are turning him down because he isn't working that much and does not aspire to work much, and therefore would not be the kind of man a woman would want to start a family with. I suspect that fact alone is more to blame than what he claims is the problem, which is that he never went on an LDS mission (dare I say it, probably because, *gasp* two years out in a foreign country would have gotten in the way of the Graphic Design stuff).

The next guy, who I also dated, was a 37 year old living in my hometown. He complains that the women are few and far between. I'll give a little on that: Vegas has been ranked as having more men than women, and the women there are above average looking, according to several polls, and far pickier. However, I did learn who he was chasing, and as far as I am concerned, if you chase after 10s when you are a 6, you're getting what you deserve. He ended up with a woman who is a 9 on looks but who has issues, who won't even shack up with him, or marry him, and now, rather than whine about how he can't get a woman, he whines about how he cannot get a wife and kids.

The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot. I'd rank him a 5. His ex informed me that he starves himself and crash diets because he hates working out. He lies and tells women that he loves working out. He manages money poorly. He lives with his parents. I see him around regularly. He looks like Mexican Trailer Trash: cut up sweatpants, oversize shirts to hide the fact that he has man boobs and a beer belly, flip flops, a rosary, and a baseball cap to hide the fact that he is balding, and badly. The only woman he will date? A 10, and nothing less. Because he is perfect...or so he thinks, and deserves the best. I think his ex inflated his ego; she was a 10; but he dated her, I'm sure, because he met her in a city with more women than men, so the women settle more. As it was they dated for 8 months, she dumped him; he whines that she never gave him a chance; he put on weight and forgot to shave his head, and looks even worse now. The only thing he has going for him is that he has ambition...and a sense of humor, and a cute face. He now regularly whines about how badly his dates are going. He not only wants a 10, but expects her to not have any kids from a previous relationship and to have never touched drugs.

I have read plenty of threads on here about how women have unrealistic standards...it cuts both ways. I've also read that women don't consider looks...well, that is a lie. I'm not going to date a dog because he has a sense of humor and a million bucks. Sorry.

And yes, I have met female friends and colleagues with their heads in the clouds.

I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, to get up to marathon level. And the men can look all they want as I get thinner, but I'm just going to pass. I'm tired of the unrealistic standards of it all.

Yep I see the same trait in Guys - But as you say its normally guys complaining about women having unrealistic standards.

There are plenty of guys out there who have NEVER in there life managed actually get an attractive woman, but yeah as you say will go around demanding high standards - But I guess deep down in the back of their mind - they know who they capable of actually getting and who is out of reach - but Delusion gets in the way.

its like applying for a job e.g some your overqualifed for(more attractive), some your underqualified(not attractive), and just qualifed enough for(same level of attractiveness) - and like the jobs market there are deluded job hunters, some who are in positions they are over qualifed for. The best relationships with a mutual benefit.

[WakaFlocka]

Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole

And studies also show that men are far more likely to dump their partners if they become overweight than women. So whose requirements are more stringent and unrealistic?

You can find "studies" on just about anything you want. You can probably find a link that says most prefer tuna over PBJ.