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Okay ...
I love my husband very much he is a good man for the most part, I understand that no one is perfect but I have a problem..I FEEL SO UNAPPRECIATED AND LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE ME HALF THE TIME WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM!
all women are different but many of us are emotional for the most part i do think.. and we need attention especially when we are married!
Okay this is still new to me our first year of marriage I thought that it should be unconditional and overflowing love and support from each other.. but my husband holds his past over my head..
he used to not be able to do certain things that he can do now in a previous marriage but i let him do it and instead of thanking me he goes in panic mode and gets upset and mad about things.. I am blamed or nagged for every little thing lately and on top of that his family has not only disowned me but him as well..
No matter what i do it feels like its never good enough..
and i thought after you get married IT ENTITLES YOU TO LOTS AND LOTS OF ROMANCE.. where did it go?
So i am a full time college student, wife and juggle my own life.. my husband has his first day off and he goes fishing.. which i don't have a problem with that I ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO.. but then after he leaves from our friends.. he decides to yell at me then goes to sleep..
I FEEL SO UNLOVED.. and I NEED SOME HELP.. what do i do people???
I don't understand why you're complaining about lack of romance, when he doesn't sound like he is even treating you very nice. I'd work on that and worry about romance later.
And to the point that you thought marriage would begat lots and lots of romance. That's not normally how it works. Men get less sex, women get less romance. (tongue in cheek)
I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad in your marriage right now.
A friend of mine told me that one of the main reasons marriages fail early is "expectations" - Both people have expectations that they bring into the marriage with them. You have an expectation of romance, he has an expectation that this will be better than his first marriage, etc...
Think back to why you got married in the first place; why did you want to marry him and vice versa.
It sounds like he has some baggage from his previous marriage, that might be normal.
I would recommend that you sit down with him and try to understand his expectations and also tell him your expectations in this marriage. It might be a good starting point.
The more you nag and get resentful the worse it will get. Become your own person and just do the things you want to do. If you married the wrong guy it will be obvious. Seek counseling--to work on YOURSELF. You can never change another person. He is who you married and you will not change him. Accept him and the situation as it is, or get some counseling to learn better/different coping skills, or get out of the marriage.
I really do appreciate the input, I have no intentions of leaving my husband that thought never crossed my mind.. I guess i just got to learn to let him be his own person even if there will be many times that i wont like it. I love him and i will go through the motions with him I just would really love to have some me time.. but have him included with me on that. lol yeah i can scratch that whole.. romance thing goodbye for right now we do need a lot of communication work and learning how to be there for one another and not let the struggles of everyday life get in our way of a happy successful relationship!
Thanks again looking forward to many more good responses.
you need to tell him so. see a counselor and discuss this asap.
there is a widening gap in expectations of the marriage.
typical male behavior is do anything she wants and avoid conflict.
this is rarely what she wants. the 42 million divorces since 1975, 70% filed by women, is proof enough of that.
the grave danger for guys is a womans expectations of marriage can radically change after marriage.
This is a classic case of a guy thinking because he already secured what he wanted and put a ring on her finger, that he can just go ahead and put the situation on auto pilot and his wife will always be around. Thats why divorce is such a great equalizer in this society. As a way out, it should be used by women that do not feel they are appreciated by their husbands to get them back where they were during the courting stage.
At one point, I specialized in "dating" married women, well not really dating, but when and if I met a married woman that was hot and things developed where I got to know her more, then it turned out great. Most overweight, married, sports watching husbands never think that their wives have a way out and through their own selfish behavior, deny the women they are with the lives they deserve.
Basically, all she needs (if shes hot) is another guy to come along, pay attention to her, validate her existence, listen, look into her eyes like she is the only woman on Earth, and get her off harder, longer and better and whether or not it works out or not is irrelevant. At that point, all of the control and options are back in her court and she can start getting her husband back on board with being a real man again or check out. Until she takes that card out of the deck and throws it down, she will remain powerless and at the mercy of a grown up man child that does not respect her. He might love her, but he doesn't show it.
In one of the final relationships I had like that during that stage of my life, it was interesting to study the psychology of a husband just like hers. As soon as he knew about the affair and noticed the subtle changes in her that were the result of being loved and wanted (once again thanks to my services which at the time ranged from simple attention and time together to all out F fests), which were her losing some weight, being happier and more confident combined with taking control of her life - he turned things on a whole new level and started being the husband he should have been for years, and made honest, actual attempts at winning her back. I couldn't help but look at the situation at times and wonder just how positive an effect the affair had on her marriage and the impact it had on idiot boy's behavior and need to be with her. I should have charged him for that five month gap in my life. Anyway, he was so completely committed to being a good husband, fixing things and showing his love for her that we agreed she should try to work things out - and they worked out great. I'm kind of like a Dr. Phil with a more direct and practical approach.
If she wants the man she married back, she needs to show him that she can be loved and wanted by another man, and make sure she gets caught doing it and gets the appropriate response from her husband. Only then will she be able to control the logistical game known as her marriage and start calling the shots.
Okay ...
I love my husband very much he is a good man for the most part, I understand that no one is perfect but I have a problem..I FEEL SO UNAPPRECIATED AND LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE ME HALF THE TIME WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM!
all women are different but many of us are emotional for the most part i do think.. and we need attention especially when we are married!
Okay this is still new to me our first year of marriage I thought that it should be unconditional and overflowing love and support from each other.. but my husband holds his past over my head..
he used to not be able to do certain things that he can do now in a previous marriage but i let him do it and instead of thanking me he goes in panic mode and gets upset and mad about things.. I am blamed or nagged for every little thing lately and on top of that his family has not only disowned me but him as well..
No matter what i do it feels like its never good enough..
and i thought after you get married IT ENTITLES YOU TO LOTS AND LOTS OF ROMANCE.. where did it go?
So i am a full time college student, wife and juggle my own life.. my husband has his first day off and he goes fishing.. which i don't have a problem with that I ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO.. but then after he leaves from our friends.. he decides to yell at me then goes to sleep..
I FEEL SO UNLOVED.. and I NEED SOME HELP.. what do i do people???
The bolded part makes me think there's a lot more to this.
Romance does fade a bit but not to this point. I'm not sure if you're being realistic about it since you mention how it should all be unconditional and you're entitled....eh, no.
We need details. Why did his family disown him and you? For going fishing? What happened in the past with you? Otherwise, you're just going to get generic answers.
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Obviously not the place for this.
A thank you to all the great responses
