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I think my biggest thing against this lifestyle is that you can't love two people the same as you can just one. I would think at some point you would become more attatched to someone in the relationship & then feelings would get hurt.
Exactly!
Falling in love with one person is complicated enuf...
How can someone manage being in love with two at once...
I've been in "Friends With Benefits" relationships before when someone ended up 'caring' when they werent supposed to, that was bad enuf.
I think my biggest thing against this lifestyle is that you can't love two people the same as you can just one. I would think at some point you would become more attatched to someone in the relationship & then feelings would get hurt.
yup, that's the way I see it. It's definitely not for everyone...
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
I think it means you're not really in love with the people...which is sad.
I mean, you can have love for alot of people, but honestly I think being in love is very different...
Instead of having one great thing, it's like you settle for many just OK thngs. You (they) avoid getting hurt by being half-assed. Lame.
I dealt with someone once who I later found out was into that sort of thing; I couldn't hang. I'm all or nothing.
Yeah while I've never been in a r/s (sad I know), when I like a girl I seem to have tunnel vision for that girl. Not that other females don't turn me on physically, but emotionally speaking I think I'm monogamous.
I think my biggest thing against this lifestyle is that you can't love two people the same as you can just one. I would think at some point you would become more attatched to someone in the relationship & then feelings would get hurt.
This IS a valid point, and it can certainly happen. I will point out that in different (monogamous) relationships you very likely love each person differently because of their unique nature, and some you love more than others, and each may want different things from a relationship than a different person would want.
It's not necessarily about loving equally or the same - it's about loving each for who they are. By analogy, even parents may have favorites or love each child differently according to their needs and personalities - but that does not mean they do not love all their children.
So if each person is getting what they want from the relationship, then it does not necessarily follow that anyone will get hurt. And like any relationship, it's not static - the people change and adapt with time and experience. Truly caring and communicative people can deal with this. Those who cannot will experience problems - just like a monogamous relationship.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
This IS a valid point, and it can certainly happen. I will point out that in different (monogamous) relationships you very likely love each person differently because of their unique nature, and some you love more than others, and each may want different things from a relationship than a different person would want.
It's not necessarily about loving equally or the same - it's about loving each for who they are. By analogy, even parents may have favorites or love each child differently according to their needs and personalities - but that does not mean they do not love all their children.
So if each person is getting what they want from the relationship, then it does not necessarily follow that anyone will get hurt. And like any relationship, it's not static - the people change and adapt with time and experience. Truly caring and communicative people can deal with this. Those who cannot will experience problems - just like a monogamous relationship.
One does wonder how innate exclusivity and monogamy is to us. I think on one hand there is something quaint about having that 'special someone', in the real world it doesn't always work like that, and maybe never will for some. Others might have a compelling need to love more than one, to experience different dimensions of love at the same time. Others find more fulfillment in an exclusive relationship. Alot of it depends on our paradigm/world view/values.
One does wonder how innate exclusivity and monogamy is to us. I think on one hand there is something quaint about having that 'special someone', in the real world it doesn't always work like that, and maybe never will for some. Others might have a compelling need to love more than one, to experience different dimensions of love at the same time. Others find more fulfillment in an exclusive relationship. Alot of it depends on our paradigm/world view/values.
"One does wonder how innate exclusivity and monogamy is to us."
It's not. It's almost purely a societal influence. There have been civilizations throughout history where this is the norm and their societies have not suffered for it.
Its societal conditioning that say's that it is unacceptable. It is our conditioning that prevents us from believing that it doesn't or can’t work. The exact same arguments that are used for the GLBT community apply here. It basically boils down to what transpires between 2 or 3 adults is their own business.
Like Ive said, this life style is not for me, but it is not my place to tell consenting adults what they can and can not do.
Hardly ignorant if'n one does not participate in such relationships.
Get tested.
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