Ever dated someone you weren't physically/emotionally attracted to but stuck with for some other reason? (dating, boyfriend)
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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
By 'dated' I mean been in a relationship for more than say, a month or so?
If so, what reason did you have for sticking with them? I'm talking about things other than their looks or personality?
It might have been their money, their dress sense, because you felt pressured into it, because they had an exotic accent...any reason at all.
If so did any of you end up developing an attraction for the other person?
Yes, I did it and stuck with him for the better part of 19 years. I wasn't attracted to him at all but I had months earlier broke up with my boyfriend whom I was still in love with. I was rebounding. I stuck with him because I was afraid of getting hurt again and this new guy was crazy about me. I grew to love him over the years and developed a physical attraction for him I can still sense to this day when I see him but was never really 'in love' with him. He will always be special to me though. He became the father of my two now grown children. We're no longer together and 13 years after we broke up, I'm seeing the guy I rebounded with him over. Life is strange.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
Yes, I did it and stuck with him for the better part of 19 years. I wasn't attracted to him at all but I had months earlier broke up with my boyfriend whom I was still in love with. I was rebounding. I stuck with him because I was afraid of getting hurt again and this new guy was crazy about me. I grew to love him over the years and developed a physical attraction for him I can still sense to this day when I see him but was never really 'in love' with him. He will always be special to me though. He became the father of my two now grown children. We're no longer together and 13 years after we broke up, I'm seeing the guy I rebounded with him over. Life is strange.
On the surface you would think the whole thing was a sham and it was not a good idea, but it's funny how life works out, isn't it. Like they say with arranged marriages, you either learn to love each other learn to accept hating each other, or both. Lucky we don't practice arranged marriages in the West, but I suppose they teach a lesson in persistence.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
On the surface you would think the whole thing was a sham and it was not a good idea, but it's funny how life works out, isn't it. Like they say with arranged marriages, you either learn to love each other learn to accept hating each other, or both. Lucky we don't practice arranged marriages in the West, but I suppose they teach a lesson in persistence.
Let's just say I think, together, he and I taught our children how to live with someone in misery. I learned--too late--staying together for the kids is not the best thing for them.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
Let's just say I think, together, he and I taught our children how to live with someone in misery. I learned--too late--staying together for the kids is not the best thing for them.
Definitely not. My mother's parents fought like cats and dogs for her whole childhood and it definitely left an imprint on her. Back in those days, especially for working class folk such as they were, marriage was often a matter of economic convenience rather than love, and from what she tells me it sounds like they never really loved each other, although I can't say for sure. Actually she recently learnt herself that it was a sort of arranged marriage (I suppose that was common in Singapore in the 1940s). I do wonder why my grandmother stayed with him (as he was abusive), but I'm not sure how they related in those early years before mum was born. Either way they both seemed so unhappy it seemed such a waste of a life. But I guess divorce wasn't really thought of as much then, and many couples did just tough it out for the sake of their kids.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
Definitely not. My mother's parents fought like cats and dogs for her whole childhood and it definitely left an imprint on her. Back in those days, especially for working class folk such as they were, marriage was often a matter of economic convenience rather than love, and from what she tells me it sounds like they never really loved each other, although I can't say for sure. They both seemed so unhappy it seemed such a waste of a life. But I guess divorce wasn't really thought of as much then, and many couples did just tough it out for the sake of their kids.
Right, and today, when people marry for convenience or financial security, they label the woman a gold-digger. My dad married my mom, it seems, because he needed a mother for me and my little brother. They were horrible together. 50+ years later, they're inseparable. He started calling her 'baby' about 8 years ago. It's so cute.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
Right, and today, when people marry for convenience or financial security, they label the woman a gold-digger. My dad married my mom, it seems, because he needed a mother for me and my little brother. They were horrible together. 50+ years later, they're inseparable. He started calling her 'baby' about 8 years ago. It's so cute.
I'm glad it worked out for them in the end, but it sounds like there certainly was a 'cost' to their eventual closeness.
Yes, I did it and stuck with him for the better part of 19 years. I wasn't attracted to him at all but I had months earlier broke up with my boyfriend whom I was still in love with. I was rebounding. I stuck with him because I was afraid of getting hurt again and this new guy was crazy about me. I grew to love him over the years and developed a physical attraction for him I can still sense to this day when I see him but was never really 'in love' with him. He will always be special to me though. He became the father of my two now grown children. We're no longer together and 13 years after we broke up, I'm seeing the guy I rebounded with him over. Life is strange.
Believe it or not. I think alot of people do this. They get really hurt from someone and find someone that they know can't hurt them. It's not that all uncommon. It might seem absurd to some people, but actually living without that constant "desire/drama can't be all that bad..
For myself, I once dated a girl for three months whom I was not that into. Everyone else thought that she was fine and I just thought,...she's ok. I did it for the exact reason as you. I was getting over someone who hurt me more than anyone else in my life. I wasn't ready to date, but (god works in mysterious ways), I decided to date her because she was really into me and treated me good. You don't always get what you want in life, but sometimes you get what you need. At that time, I probably needed someone that I wasn't ga ga over. You know what I mean. No drama/-no pain. It worked but eventually I had to let her go. When someone that your dating out of the blue looks at you and says, "I think I care more than you do". You know it's time to let them go. she was right and I couldn't hold her hostage for my own selfish benefit.
Oddly enough though. Even though she knew that I was never that into her. Never told her I loved her (because I didn't) or whatever. Yet three years later she still tried to get back with me..Sometimes people don't make sense..
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy
Believe it or not. I think alot of people do this. They get really hurt from someone and find someone that they know can't hurt them. It's not that all uncommon. It might seem absurd to some people, but actually living without that constant "desire/drama can't be all that bad..
For myself, I once dated a girl for three months whom I was not that into. Everyone else thought that she was fine and I just thought,...she's ok. I did it for the exact reason as you. I was getting over someone who hurt me more than anyone else in my life. I wasn't ready to date, but (god works in mysterious ways), I decided to date her because she was really into me and treated me good. You don't always get what you want in life, but sometimes you get what you need. At that time, I probably needed someone that I wasn't ga ga over. You know what I mean. No drama/-no pain. It worked but eventually I had to let her go. When someone that your dating out of the blue looks at you and says, "I think I care more than you do". You know it's time to let them go. she was right and I couldn't hold her hostage for my own selfish benefit.
Oddly enough though. Even though she knew that I was never that into her. Never told her I loved her (because I didn't) or whatever. Yet three years later she still tried to get back with me..Sometimes people don't make sense..
Oh there was no shortage of drama in the rebound relationship, believe me. But I'm glad to hear you weren't selfish enough to hang on to her out of fear, like I did.
I think it's because I enjoyed her company and friendship so much and I knew if we broke up, I would lose that (because it wasn't going to end well - and it didn't!).
But in the end, it's unfair to everyone. So you gotta pull the trigger.
Oh, also, there is this stupid myth out there that you're supposed to stick to your commitments despite not being attracted to your mate anymore, because this myth also says that your attraction will eventually die anyway. It's total b.s.
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