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In November of 2010 I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan. Basically, I bought this apartment at a really good price. However, since I had to close within a few weeks, my best friend offered to loan me a substantial sum of money to get it. Part of the deal was that he would live with me for a few months while he settled into his new job since he didn't immediately want to commit to a lease. No problem for me--and I am very grateful to him for his help.
Well, things turned out to be unstable at his new job and he has continued to live with me for the entire year. This is not a problem for me and I continue to be very grateful--but it has become a problem between my boyfriend and I.
Basically, my boyfriend was counting on moving in with me shortly after I got this place -- because as I stated above my friend intended to only stay for a few months. The boyfriend was living in Brooklyn at the time in a room share with a nice roommate and was paying below market rent. As the months went by, he became more and more agitated to the point where he gave me an ultimatum--either he moves in or we break up. I was trying to wait until my friend moved out before moving the boyfriend in but oh well.
Since I wasn't ready to break up with my boyfriend over this--I allowed him to move in with me in September. Now, my boyfriend, my best friend and I all live in this one bedroom apartment. Luckily, its a spacious one bedroom and so its not as bad as it sounds. At first, everyone got along but as the months have gone by my boyfriend has started to get agitated again to the point where he was asking me to kick out my best friend. I told him that was not and never will be an option.
Well, my best friend has finally found a month to month arrangement and intends to move out December 1st. However, the place he is moving to is furnished and he asked if he could leave behind his bed and a few other items. When I told my boyfriend this, he got upset and said that I should make him take all his stuff. He doesn't want my friend's mattress leaning up against the wall because he thinks it would look messy to our guests. He understandably wants our apartment to be a "proper" home and doesn't want extraneous stuff lying about.
This whole situation has stressed me out. I'm caught between my best friend and my boyfriend. I can understand that this place is overcrowded and that my boyfriend wants to live more comfortably. However, I am indebted (literally) to my best friend and want to make sure he is taken care of. Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is being self centered about this but I don't know--which is why I'm posting here. My boyfriend and I have had some serious problems over the past few years and so I'm not even sure our relationship will survive. We've been together for 3 years.
What is your opinion about this whole thing? Should I just tell my boyfriend that my friends furniture stays and if he doesn't like it he can move out -- or should I pressure my best friend to move *all* his stuff out of the apartment?
EDIT: I'm gay-and we are all guys. My best friend and I stay in separate rooms and we are platonic.
Your best friend lent you enough money to change your life for the better, and you won't store his/her stuff for a little while because your boyfriend doesn't like it? If you side with your bf, you are a terrible friend, especially since you know good and well that your current relationship isn't going to last. Come on, he gave you an unreasonable ultimatum. Ridiculous.
Your best friend lent you enough money to change your life for the better, and you won't store his/her stuff for a little while because your boyfriend doesn't like it? If you side with your bf, you are a terrible friend, especially since you know good and well that your current relationship isn't going to last. Come on, he gave you an unreasonable ultimatum. Ridiculous.
That's kinda what I'm feeling. One night my boyfriend and one of *his* friends kinda ganged up on me and said that I needed to "lay down the law" with my best friend. Of course, close friends will always side with you--that's why I wanted the opinion of complete strangers here. It's more objective I think.
I just can't bully my best friend--ever. He is a good guy
IMO, the boyfriend needs to go. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but playing house with someone who is giving you an ultimatum like that, does not bode well for the future. I'm not blaming the boyfriend either; he may simply not have the tolerance to put up with your questionable decision making abilities.
So, either get a boyfriend who puts up with free wheeling decisions that affect him, or kick the friend out and have the friend get a storage unit off-site, which you could help him pay for, since he helped you out before.
It does, but there is a long waiting list for them--since I moved in only a year ago that's not an option.
Bummer.
Maybe he is forceful about it too because its a guy. I would stick the mattress in your bedroom and put a folding screen around it. (just as an idea to make it not an eyesore)
I think they are kinda both being out of line. Boyfriend should shut it as he moved into your place. Best friend should get his stuff out of there or find a storage place to rent. Why doesn't he want to store it at the month to month?
I mean...its not really fair he want you to look at it but he won't. Especially since its causing issues.
Maybe he is forceful about it too because its a guy. I would stick the mattress in your bedroom and put a folding screen around it.
I think they are kinda both being out of line. Boyfriend should shut it as he moved into your place. Best friend should get his stuff out of there or find a storage place to rent. Why doesn't he want to store it at the month to month?
I mean...its not really fair he want you to look at it but he won't. Especially since its causing issues.
Yes, they both tend to be assertive people that's for sure. The month to month place is furnished so there is no room for his furniture there.
That's kinda what I'm feeling. One night my boyfriend and one of *his* friends kinda ganged up on me and said that I needed to "lay down the law" with my best friend. Of course, close friends will always side with you--that's why I wanted the opinion of complete strangers here. It's more objective I think.
I just can't bully my best friend--ever. He is a good guy
If you want to keep them both happy - bad idea since I think you should dump your bf - you personally need to foot the bill for a storage unit for your best friend. It really is the only option.
IMO, the boyfriend needs to go. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but playing house with someone who is giving you an ultimatum like that, does not bode well for the future. I'm not blaming the boyfriend either; he may simply not have the tolerance to put up with your questionable decision making abilities.
So, either get a boyfriend who puts up with free wheeling decisions that affect him, or kick the friend out and have the friend get a storage unit off-site, which you could help him pay for, since he helped you out before.
I want to hear whatever people want to write here--so I appreciate your response. I do not like ultimatums and bristled when one was handed down to me.
I told my boyfriend that my friend would be staying for awhile *before* he moved in. He was on a month to month also, so its not like he had to move or commit to another year lease. We moved in despite our problems to give our relationship one last go of it--that was likely a bad decision on my part.
This place was a once in a lifetime opportunity--I got it at a very low price for Manhattan and was pressured to close within just a few weeks. I was scrambling to get my finances together and didn't think all this through as carefully as I should have.
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