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Wow. You have a very good friend as I know he had to give you a good sum of dough for you to buy in Manhattan. Considering the generousity of your friend, I think you should store he's stuff at your place. As others have suggested, give a clear deadline of how long the things will be stored to your boyfirend and make it work! Be creative.
If the bed is the main problem, go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond on 19th st. and get bed raiser and store the mattress under your bed. You'll be sleeping higher up but at least the mattress will be out of sight. Or just pay for a storage unit if you can. This may be better if your friend needs to access his stuff often.
Boyfriends come and go, BF's are forever...or should be..Do what's right for you...
Edited to say this: Are you paying the best friend back in payments? If so, and are paying as agreed, then you should not feel obligated to store his stuff.
Boyfriends come and go, BF's are forever...or should be..Do what's right for you...
Edited to say this: Are you paying the best friend back in payments? If so, and are paying as agreed, then you should not feel obligated to store his stuff.
Yes, I'm paying him back in payments every month. I had another talk with my boyfriend and he now accepts that my friends stuff will be stored at the apartment. Yesterday I was just frustrated that I was caught in the middle.
No way am I losing my best friend over all this--no worries there.
The apartment is yours. I would never have let my boyfriend move in to begin with, you don't owe him anything. Now he is trying the end the friendship you have with one of your best friends, doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to me. I wouldn't give him an ultimatum, I would just give him a date to have himself and all of his stuff moved out of the apartment. Then you could make up your mind if you want to continue seeing him. Right now he is trying to control your life, if you allow that to happen now, it will never end.
The apartment is yours. I would never have let my boyfriend move in to begin with, you don't owe him anything. Now he is trying the end the friendship you have with one of your best friends, doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to me. I wouldn't give him an ultimatum, I would just give him a date to have himself and all of his stuff moved out of the apartment. Then you could make up your mind if you want to continue seeing him. Right now he is trying to control your life, if you allow that to happen now, it will never end.
Strangely enough. My boyfriend believes that my *friend* is the one who is trying to get between me and him. This is not true though and I've said as much.
My boyfriend has very clear, strong ideas about what he wants and those ideas include living in the apartment together with no third party. I hear what you're saying though, and I'm thinking about it. Asking my boyfriend to leave would be the same as breaking up at this point. There are certain thresholds that are past the point of no return in relationships and this is one of them for us.
Strangely enough. My boyfriend believes that my *friend* is the one who is trying to get between me and him. This is not true though and I've said as much.
My boyfriend has very clear, strong ideas about what he wants and those ideas include living in the apartment together with no third party. I hear what you're saying though, and I'm thinking about it. Asking my boyfriend to leave would be the same as breaking up at this point. There are certain thresholds that are past the point of no return in relationships and this is one of them for us.
Hey Planter--something I forgot to say in my response to you yesterday---Welcome to CityData!
In November of 2010 I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan. Basically, I bought this apartment at a really good price. However, since I had to close within a few weeks, my best friend offered to loan me a substantial sum of money to get it. Part of the deal was that he would live with me for a few months while he settled into his new job since he didn't immediately want to commit to a lease. No problem for me--and I am very grateful to him for his help.
Well, things turned out to be unstable at his new job and he has continued to live with me for the entire year. This is not a problem for me and I continue to be very grateful--but it has become a problem between my boyfriend and I.
Basically, my boyfriend was counting on moving in with me shortly after I got this place -- because as I stated above my friend intended to only stay for a few months. The boyfriend was living in Brooklyn at the time in a room share with a nice roommate and was paying below market rent. As the months went by, he became more and more agitated to the point where he gave me an ultimatum--either he moves in or we break up. I was trying to wait until my friend moved out before moving the boyfriend in but oh well.
Since I wasn't ready to break up with my boyfriend over this--I allowed him to move in with me in September. Now, my boyfriend, my best friend and I all live in this one bedroom apartment. Luckily, its a spacious one bedroom and so its not as bad as it sounds. At first, everyone got along but as the months have gone by my boyfriend has started to get agitated again to the point where he was asking me to kick out my best friend. I told him that was not and never will be an option.
Well, my best friend has finally found a month to month arrangement and intends to move out December 1st. However, the place he is moving to is furnished and he asked if he could leave behind his bed and a few other items. When I told my boyfriend this, he got upset and said that I should make him take all his stuff. He doesn't want my friend's mattress leaning up against the wall because he thinks it would look messy to our guests. He understandably wants our apartment to be a "proper" home and doesn't want extraneous stuff lying about.
This whole situation has stressed me out. I'm caught between my best friend and my boyfriend. I can understand that this place is overcrowded and that my boyfriend wants to live more comfortably. However, I am indebted (literally) to my best friend and want to make sure he is taken care of. Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is being self centered about this but I don't know--which is why I'm posting here. My boyfriend and I have had some serious problems over the past few years and so I'm not even sure our relationship will survive. We've been together for 3 years.
What is your opinion about this whole thing? Should I just tell my boyfriend that my friends furniture stays and if he doesn't like it he can move out -- or should I pressure my best friend to move *all* his stuff out of the apartment?
EDIT: I'm gay-and we are all guys. My best friend and I stay in separate rooms and we are platonic.
Well, a 1BR apartment isn't exactly large, and having extra furniture taking up space could be a problem even if you don't think it will be. I can understand whre your boyfriend is coming from on that one.
Instead of telling your friend to take his stuff, or breaking up with your boyfriend, wouldn't it be easier to just find a storage unit somewhere? You mentioned that they are available in your apartments but since you're new there is a one year wait or something like that- what about going to an actual storage place and getting a small storage unit with your friend? That way, you can have your cake and eat it, too.
Well, a 1BR apartment isn't exactly large, and having extra furniture taking up space could be a problem even if you don't think it will be. I can understand whre your boyfriend is coming from on that one.
Instead of telling your friend to take his stuff, or breaking up with your boyfriend, wouldn't it be easier to just find a storage unit somewhere? You mentioned that they are available in your apartments but since you're new there is a one year wait or something like that- what about going to an actual storage place and getting a small storage unit with your friend? That way, you can have your cake and eat it, too.
I think I may check out storage--if the price is right maybe I'll pay for that for a month or two. If not, I think my boyfriend will have to learn to live with an extra mattress lying around for awhile.
I think I may check out storage--if the price is right maybe I'll pay for that for a month or two. If not, I think my boyfriend will have to learn to live with an extra mattress lying around for awhile.
If you and your friend could go in together on it, that'd probably be ideal. That way, you're helping out your friend and removing irritants (for your boyfriend, anyway) from the living space. I notice you mentioned Manhattan, if so, space in that apt. of yours is gonna come at a premium- might as well have the ability to utilize it all.
No psychobabble from me concerning personalities, though, sou I won't comment on that.
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