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What is embarrassing about not needing romantic affection?
I do have feelings. I truly do. They're just managed better and more tightly controlled.
For the record, I did have one "encounter" where I decided to just go with the flow and see what the fuss was all about. It was a situation at a bar without my friends around and I somehow attracted a Pharmacy student to my corner. I couldn't understand what motivated someone to attempt to touch me in those ways. Although I tried to play along, I could not work up the interest that seemed to be growing on the other party's side. I wasn't repulsed, but I was confused and a little annoyed... like being asked to babysit some overactive child.
My distaste for affection isn't based on presumption, it's based on experience. I don't understand it and I don't desire it.
The best I can do is treat people like I treat my friends. So far that philosophy hasn't failed me.
As far as the type of woman that I could see myself with... well, I would prefer to spend time with someone that is like me and shares my perception. Emotional apathy isn't necessarily the same as having no emotion.
I wouldn't say it was a positive that your feelings are "better managed and more tightly controlled".
From your description of the Pharmacy student, I can understand the feeling of annoyance if you're not interested and she won't leave you alone, however, it's not understandable why you are "confused" about what she's doing or why she's doing it. These are normal social interactions.
Treating people nicely and not being a jerk is a good thing, but maybe you're sending out the wrong signals if you're treating everyone like you'd treat your friends. I am polite to people but I don't exhibit the same friendliness to strangers that I do my friends. You may very well be part of the problem of unwelcome advances if you're sending the wrong signals.
But then there's that flip side where you may be acting the part of a nice friend when it's not something you really want to be, but are trying to fit a part/role you think you need to....
Well, if it isn't Sheldon Cooper!! How ya doin Buddy??? Still apathetic I see...and, oh my, looks like you got 10 pages of apathy this time. Last time it was just getting folks to understand you..This time it's why can't folks love you..hmm. Tho you would never agree, IMHO, it must truely suck to be you! Can't wait to see who you become in your next re-invention and what conundrum you use to pull these folks into your tangled apathetic web.
Well, if it isn't Sheldon Cooper!! How ya doin Buddy??? Still apathetic I see...and, oh my, looks like you got 10 pages of apathy this time. Last time it was just getting folks to understand you..This time it's why can't folks love you..hmm. Tho you would never agree, IMHO, it must truely suck to be you! Can't wait to see who you become in your next re-invention and what conundrum you use to pull these folks into your tangled apathetic web.
You can take a few to see if pursuing additional medical advice is necessary.
I scored a 28 on this. However, the site does mention that it really isn't a de-facto tool for diagnosis so I should probably see a professional.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanygirl
Well, if it isn't Sheldon Cooper!! How ya doin Buddy??? Still apathetic I see...and, oh my, looks like you got 10 pages of apathy this time. Last time it was just getting folks to understand you..This time it's why can't folks love you..hmm. Tho you would never agree, IMHO, it must truely suck to be you! Can't wait to see who you become in your next re-invention and what conundrum you use to pull these folks into your tangled apathetic web.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I wouldn't say it was a positive that your feelings are "better managed and more tightly controlled".
From your description of the Pharmacy student, I can understand the feeling of annoyance if you're not interested and she won't leave you alone, however, it's not understandable why you are "confused" about what she's doing or why she's doing it. These are normal social interactions.
Treating people nicely and not being a jerk is a good thing, but maybe you're sending out the wrong signals if you're treating everyone like you'd treat your friends. I am polite to people but I don't exhibit the same friendliness to strangers that I do my friends. You may very well be part of the problem of unwelcome advances if you're sending the wrong signals.
But then there's that flip side where you may be acting the part of a nice friend when it's not something you really want to be, but are trying to fit a part/role you think you need to....
I don't seem to suffer from loss, depression, or fatigue/stress to the extent that my friends and family seem to. I never need bereavement leave or require much time off at all (I have actually been forced to call off by management so that I would not lose the paid time).
I'm not wired for physical/emotional attraction so I have no ability to comprehend why someone would try to kiss me or grab my penis. It seems bewildering and a bit ridiculous.
I try to treat everyone respectfully, but not necessarily like I would treat my friends. I trust my friends much more than strangers.
I do want to be a good friend. I just get weary of having to forcibly amplify my feelings. I don't feel that it isn't worth it, though. It's just exhausting.
I was recently introduced to a female acquaintance of a friend during a group outing. This person seemed very friendly and we spent most of the night talking. However, I was baffled when she gave me her phone number at the end of the evening. I honestly don't understand why she felt this was proper to do to someone that they just met and barely know. My friends seemed equally puzzled when I discarded her phone number (after she left, of course). They couldn't seem to understand why I would find her behavior odd and a tad off-putting.
That's when I was told that they had brought this person along specifically to meet me.
"Great," I thought, "another one."
Ever since my friends have found out that I don't date and am romantically apathetic, they have been to be pulling people out of the woodwork to meet me. I geniunely like my friends but I cannot understand why they keep trying to do this. I don't mind meeting new people and spending an evening out every month or so, but that's good enough for me. I have never had the desire to bring a stranger home or exchange personal information with said stranger.
Truth be told, I honestly cannot picture myself with any of their aquaintances. The thought of spending exhorbitant amounts of time with these people seems, well... annoying. I tried to tell my friends this, but all they did was prod me as to what type of person I could see myself with. So I told them what kind of person I could work with... And they were pretty much silent.
I told them that the only type of person I could see myself associating with would probably have to be rational, intelligent, and confident/driven, no libido, and emotionally apathetic.
After the silence broke, my friends have told me that they have never met anyone like that. They followed up by saying that I don't know what I want and that I would change my mind if I gave these people a chance. Since I am an extremely independent person, I seriously doubt I could put up with the neediness that most of these women (even my friends) seem to display.
What I am really wondering is... how hard would it be to find a person like this? I'm pretty happy on my own, but I would like to show my friends that it is possible to find this type of person. Could it be done? It would be interesting to associate with someone that I could truly relate to.
You need to tell your friends, no one knows you better then you and your mother/father or both and to please bud out. This used to happen to me all the time...(friends setting me up) and it always turned out wrong, however, I'm sure, for some it works. However, fact of the matter is, these friends of yours are not able to see past they're own noses...this is a very unkind thing to do to someone...just b/c they're a couple doesn't mean you have to be, or it works for you. And as far as them making a statement on the libito part...where they said, they don't know anyone like this...Of Course they don't. It's none of they're business, and not everyone walks around sharing this much of they're privet life, period. I feel the same way as you do, I'm way to independent to have someone joined at the hip...it really drives me nuts...makes me unhappy, and feel smothered...and actually have to keep my friends at bay, b/c some of them are extremely needy, or unable to view anything in life, that doesn't coincide with they're expectations and needs. I know women who if something doesn't play out the way they expect it to, why it totally unravels them and it makes me crazy. It's they're way of controlling you, and I've certainly had enough of that in my lifetime. Life is way to short...is it possible you may find someone who is compatible, maybe, maybe not, but until you do, stay single...and don't settle for anything else. Also, I'm going to tell you something which a dear friend told me a long time ago...and it's true....the longer your single the more you enjoy it. We tend to be self serving, we dont' have to depend on any one else for happiness...or to fulfill our needs...so quit realistically, there are some of us in this world who just are not good as a couple...I know I'm not...wish it were not so, but I've never been able to meet anyone who feels the same way...I love men, don't get me wrong, but unfortunately, most of they're mothers taught them that a woman's only purpose is to mother them...."no thank you" Never want to be a mother to another man...all I ever wanted was a companion, someone who knew more then I do about things, b/c I have a hunger for knowledge...but it always comes back to the same thing...most human beings will not allow they're mates they're own identities...and I surely won't ever again, live someone else's idea of what a relationship should be.
So, keep on keepin on, and don't feel like your the strange one, it's YOUR life, live it to your fullest capacity, b/c it is so short, and don't hurt or use anyone, b/c when you do, you hurt your own karma....and remember, while your friends mean well, they need to see things from your perspective and understand.
And women are the worst....believe me...I've seen couples split up, and or one dies, and if the wife is remaining, women no longer invite her or include her in they're social gatherings...they avoid her, but if the wife dies, those same women are all over the man, doing everything for him...makes me puke...my girlfriend also said she saw that while working for a huge company that housed older couples....women sometimes can be very vile and mean.
So as a note, to everyone out there, if you have single friends, and your having a party....don't worry, that single woman who was your friend, until she lost her hubby, wasn't after your husband then and won't be now, invite her and let her decide, instead of assuming, now because she isn't a couple, she doesn't want to attend.
I have many single girlfriends who have recently lost they're hubbies which say, they cannot believe who the couple's they hung out with, now ignore her b/c the wives are so freakin immature...and afraid of them b/c they are single now. Sheeesh....and they're in they're 70's and 80's?????? It's a shame.
To the OP: you seem to be comfortable in your own skin and with your personality...I'm not clear why you're seeking a non-relationship/relationship with a woman...perhaps you just want an independent room-mate to share your home/bills...does it have to be a woman? And if "yes," then why?
I don't seem to suffer from loss, depression, or fatigue/stress to the extent that my friends and family seem to. I never need bereavement leave or require much time off at all (I have actually been forced to call off by management so that I would not lose the paid time).
I'm not wired for physical/emotional attraction so I have no ability to comprehend why someone would try to kiss me or grab my penis. It seems bewildering and a bit ridiculous.
I try to treat everyone respectfully, but not necessarily like I would treat my friends. I trust my friends much more than strangers.
I do want to be a good friend. I just get weary of having to forcibly amplify my feelings. I don't feel that it isn't worth it, though. It's just exhausting.
First of all, you should never have to accept someone groping you or kissing you. That's sexual assault.
That aside, there is something "wrong" with you and I don't mean it badly but the feelings, or lack thereof, that you experience indicate some sort of disorder. Glad you're interested in checking it out to better understand yourself.
Curious, what do you do to "amplify" your feelings? It sounds like you put yourself in social situations with friends that you don't want to be in. That isn't who you are. I would also stay away from socializing in bars because if you're confused about why other people act and say certain things, that is only going to be made worse by alcohol consumption on their part or yours.
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