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I am just wondering how other people approach money when it comes to relationships - all relationships, especially friends and family.
I personally don't like to talk about money. For example, if you ask me for $20, if I have it, I give it to you and never expect it back nor will I ever ask for it. I leave it up to the person to repay me. My friends and I have a system where I'll pay for something when we go out, then next time you pay for something for me. I am not one to sit and count how many pennies people owe me. Also, when people come to my house, they can eat drink whatever. If we head out to a hockey game or something, I usually drive and I never charge anyone for gas or anything. If people offer cool, if not, whatever. However, if someone is constantly freeloading, all this stops.
I'm just thinking about all this because my gf and I are making a resolution to pay off debt and save in 2012. We have made a budget and our spending money is going to be greatly decreased. With this, I will need to ask people to split gas with me, or chip in for the pizza etc.
What really got me thinking about this is that yesterday we had a little get together, me, my gf, her mother who is living with us and my gf's friend from work. We rented out the theater in our complex and had food etc. My gf and I bought the drinks and some appetizers. The plan was to order pizza later. So when it came time to order pizza, I offered to call it in and pick it up. Neither my gf mother's nor the friend offered to chip in or go with me to get it. It didn't bother me then because I'm used to it, but this morning it's kind of ircking me. I have never hung out with the friend before, so I couldn't have "taught" this behavior to her. The mother might be used to it because when she first moved in, she didn't get her SS check or pension, so we covered expenses for about a month.
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'm actually happy that I'm going to have to take a stand on the money, I'm just afraid how I'm going to handle it. I'm taking away my gf's credit card (which is my account) so that she doesn't get tempted to start spending when her and her mom go out. I also set a budget for groceries (they do most of the grocery shopping). Once the money for the month is gone, I'm not giving anymore. I feel good about his, but at the same time I'm feeling guilty.
Am I going to be looked at in a different way? I know it's my fault, so no need to reiterate that
I am just wondering how other people approach money when it comes to relationships - all relationships, especially friends and family.
I personally don't like to talk about money. For example, if you ask me for $20, if I have it, I give it to you and never expect it back nor will I ever ask for it. I leave it up to the person to repay me. My friends and I have a system where I'll pay for something when we go out, then next time you pay for something for me. I am not one to sit and count how many pennies people owe me. Also, when people come to my house, they can eat drink whatever. If we head out to a hockey game or something, I usually drive and I never charge anyone for gas or anything. If people offer cool, if not, whatever. However, if someone is constantly freeloading, all this stops.
I'm just thinking about all this because my gf and I are making a resolution to pay off debt and save in 2012. We have made a budget and our spending money is going to be greatly decreased. With this, I will need to ask people to split gas with me, or chip in for the pizza etc.
What really got me thinking about this is that yesterday we had a little get together, me, my gf, her mother who is living with us and my gf's friend from work. We rented out the theater in our complex and had food etc. My gf and I bought the drinks and some appetizers. The plan was to order pizza later. So when it came time to order pizza, I offered to call it in and pick it up. Neither my gf mother's nor the friend offered to chip in or go with me to get it. It didn't bother me then because I'm used to it, but this morning it's kind of ircking me. I have never hung out with the friend before, so I couldn't have "taught" this behavior to her. The mother might be used to it because when she first moved in, she didn't get her SS check or pension, so we covered expenses for about a month.
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'm actually happy that I'm going to have to take a stand on the money, I'm just afraid how I'm going to handle it. I'm taking away my gf's credit card (which is my account) so that she doesn't get tempted to start spending when her and her mom go out. I also set a budget for groceries (they do most of the grocery shopping). Once the money for the month is gone, I'm not giving anymore. I feel good about his, but at the same time I'm feeling guilty.
Am I going to be looked at in a different way? I know it's my fault, so no need to reiterate that
Control your money or it will control you
However, do not try to control the people in your life - that's a relationship killer.
Instead, set the rules that ALL in the household agree to live by and then live by them.
Don't become the new sheriff in town, and do not have any emotion attached to your money (especially guilt).
Just stay factual - these are the dollars we can spend and when they are gone we have to wait until next paycheck to spend more.
It may take a month or two to get everyone on board, but lead by example - not as a dictator
Okay. First thing's first. A long-term relationship is as much an economic partnership as it is an emotional one. Anybody who says, "Money doesn't matter in love" is living in complete denial. Because when you're behind on your mortgage or always scrounging for money to buy just the basics, money matters a great deal. So my advice to you is to agree to some ground rules.
But, at the same time, you can't just "take away" something once you've given it, á la the credit card. It was foolish of you to give it to someone you're not married to, but you're going to have to let her keep it if you want to keep her.
She is not an errant child, and you are trying to treat her that way based on what you think she will do, not what she has done in the past. That tells me you have a very unrealistic view on how people think and react. What's more, this belief that you can simply ration out the money is going to be viewed as a blatant attempt to control her, using money to determine who has all the power in the relationship. Try these measures, and I guarantee that it will end badly.
Instead, you need to have agreed-upon rules, not just a bunch of decrees. And then you need to apply it to both of you, not just her.
No she's an authorized user on my account. We use the card for gas, groceries and incidentals. She doesn't abuse it or anything.
Is she a joint account holder?
Sorry, I'm a banking geek and I disapprove of such inter-relationship credit card mixing.
Not the greatest thing in the world. If you want to streamline your financials, you need to go it alone and draw a line, especially with the bank account, for enhanced structure and control.
Sorry, I'm a banking geek and I disapprove of such inter-relationship credit card mixing.
Not the greatest thing in the world. If you want to streamline your financials, you need to go it alone and draw a line, especially with the bank account, for enhanced structure and control.
Yeah. He's asking for it. Of course, once he's given it, he can't exactly yank it away.
Well, the pizza wouldn't be a big deal to me--though it is proper etiquette to offer to chip in. The way I'd handle that would be to simply not pay in the future or ask for money up front next time. I'd probably work it in when everyone is discussing which pizza to order. "That's $30 so is everyone ok with $10 each?" etc.
You sound like a person who has a decent amount of money, and if that is how you are regarded by people around you than unfortunately sometimes people start to take you for granted and *expect* you to pay. It's really inconsiderate and needs to be corrected -- otherwise you will be expected to pay for everything eventually. Some friends will actually get mad at you when you don't.
If you've been dating your GF for a *very* long time (as in maybe never getting married) and you trust her then I think its ok for her to be an authorized user on your credit card. However, if you just started dating I personally think that's not a good idea.
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