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A positive is that the person is pre-screened so you have some common interests and they are not an axe murderer. A negative is that if you don't like them, the friend that is fixing you up may put pressure on you to keep giving them more chances.
I was fixed up by a friend and she took it personally when I didn't like the guy. I gave him a couple extra dates because he was her friend and she kept encouraging me to give him another chance. I ended up hurting him more than I would have because he grew very attached to me on the extra dates that I wouldn't have normally given him. I just couldn't make myself like him, even though I wanted to.
And too, sometimes you get set up with someone whose only commonality with you is that you're both single. Which can be awkward with the friend who set you up, because you're thinking "you really thought I'd get along with him? Do you know me but at all?"
Pros: Sometimes (not all) the person has been "vetted" and your friend can vouch for the person; They probably have some of your same interests; Don't have to worry about the bar or club scene; You're both single!
Cons: Your friend(s) may know all of the details of your relationship; If you have the same group of mutual friends and things don't work out, later encounters may be awkward; Just because the person has been "vetted" does not mean that they are going to "behave" with you while trying to date; the friend who hooked you up may feel pressured to "take sides" if things don't work out between the two of you
I have first hand experience with the last one - I've dated a "friend of a friend" and he was a complete jackass while we were dating, but she had never seen that side of him since they were friends and had never dated. The same thing happened with a friend of mine from High School - I hooked him up with my best friend and he acted really stupid. Of course, I had never seen that side of him, since he and I have been platonic friends for years, and I still think that deep down he's still a good guy.
I don't think online is the best way to attempt to date today, but my experiences haven't been that great so I'm a bit jaded.
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 02-01-2012 at 10:06 AM..
My SO's aunt set us up. She insists she didn't, that she just created an opportunity for us to meet. But she had said to me prior that she thought I'd like her nephew, that we had a lot of common interests. I also took comfort in knowing someone who knew him, and trusting her judgment.
I've been set up a couple of times before, nice enough guys, but it didn't work out...probably because we were matched up due to the commonality of being single, and that's all.
Well congrats greenlawn1 for a very creative and certainly positive idea. The only problem I would see is arranging a highly intuitive team to organize all the personalities. For example ,
1) The final decision should require a system of elevating potential intro's by passing through a series of advisor's. IOW ...say 6 agents where once a match is suggested and communication begins on line, each agent overviews grades then promotes to the next level...in a sense on line chaperons for quality control. Once all levels meet satisfactory potential, a report is sent to each with notes made by the chaperons.
2) The first meeting to be very casual in a public place without home address's exchanged....then back to emailing with further chaparoning... emailing could include subjects for discussion to draw out attitudes ect ect
3) Participants must agree to all rules implicitly and be interested in a sincere one on one only.
4) Anyone could set this up in a major city for a go..the most import thing would be assembling a quality intuitive group together. These people exist and surprisingly my opinion is that psychologists would be my last choice...People persons who are sensitive, wise, intelligent and experienced would be ideal....this was a quick thought....positive ideas will work if planned properly and there is a need.
IMOP....there couldn't be more of a need then there is today.....Good idea
And too, sometimes you get set up with someone whose only commonality with you is that you're both single. Which can be awkward with the friend who set you up, because you're thinking "you really thought I'd get along with him? Do you know me but at all?"
This is a great point and is pretty much why I prefer to strike out on my own rather than for a friend to set me up. I've never had much luck being set up with someone by a friend or family member and I think a lot of that had to do with the awkwardness of the whole situation.
In my experiences, when friends or family tried to set me up with a woman they know, it never felt like I was introduced to someone with similar interests or background. The odd part about this is that I'm a fairly simple guy so all of my friends know what I'm about for the most part. This is why I can only conclude that I would be set up with these women for no other reason than we happened to both be single at that particular time.
Take it from me, if being single is the only common thread and both parties aren't interested upon meeting, the night can get uncomfortable rather quickly. Don't forget the inevitable interrogation from the people/person who set you up in the first place. This part isn't any less awkward since the friend normally expects nothing less than a match made in heaven.
I personally have had much more success meeting people on my own. I attribute this to there being no external pressure or expectation for the inital encounter to succeed. If I'm interested and vice-versa then we can move forward. If not, then it's "no harm - no foul" and we go our separate ways.
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