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I'm not sure whether this is considered common but I just got married 29 days ago. Today I was playing with my husband's cellphone and noticed he has a different email account that he normally checks in front of me. Out of curiosity, I checked the emails he sent to others and my whole body started to shake when I read those emails.
We moved in together in early June, 2011. At the time I was preparing for the California bar exam, but I was also told that he was involved with a child custody case with his ex girlfriend. The bar exam was stressful, and learning about him having a son was just shocking. But above all the emotions I had, I chose my boyfriend as my priority and tried to help him with his case first. I stayed up late at night sometimes until 3-4am writing motions, and had my lawyer friend go to court to defend my boyfriend. He won the case, but I failed the bar. His whole family treated me like his savior at the time, and his mom told him "you better treat this girl really well".
Despite the discouraging fact that I failed the bar, I was referred to a big law firm in California by my father's friend who was a partner at another law firm. In order to stay with my boyfriend, I gave up my opportunities in California and decided to stay in Texas.
A month ago, we got married. While I was playing with his cellphone yesterday, I noticed a email account that he's never used in front of me. Out of curiosity, I check the emails he sent in that account and my body started to shake the second I read those emails. He has been emailing girls picturs of his body on Craiglist, from the beginning when we first moved in together, to the time I was staying up late at night to help him with his case, until...I don't know how long it lasted. He used very graphic words and called those girls "babe, sexy, gorgeous" all the time. In one email, he wrote "I got six packs. Wanna come over to my place sexy?"
I am just so disgusted by it now - the time I left for California to take the bar exam, he was asking some girl from Craiglist to come over to sleep on the bed that I was paying rent for??!! I started to yell and totally lost control, I told him and his mother that I wanted to have a divorce because I can't trust someone like that. He told me he didn't actually go meet those girls, and the reason he was on Craiglist was because he felt everything between us was moving too fast and he felt freaked out. He said his past relationships all fell apart when things got serious and he just wanted to make sure he was not trapped by being with me at the time.
I really don't know what to do right now, given the fact that (1) I just got married and had never thought about divorce; (2) my parents cut me off because of him. now I'm having a hard time, I have nobody to talk to; (3) He had done something similar in the past that I caught him doing - we fought for a long time, he apologized for it and promised it wouldn't happen again. But it still happened again.
I'm new to the marriage thing and I thought I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with this person. But I can't trust him anymore. Calling another woman sexy/baby and ask for their pictures when he was with me? Just the thought of having sex with him in the future makes me sick.
You gave up and opportunity in California this guy, your family has cut you off, you gave up passing the bar and caught him doing something like this before and you married him anyway?
Why would you even need to ASK what to do, if you can't figure it out on your own you need to grow up, wake up and take a giant leap into reality.
Call your parents and tell them what happened and that you would like to come home, pack what you can and get the hell away from this guy IMMEDIATELY.
Anything else you said in the post except this bolded part is irrelevant.
If a friend came to you and told you this, what would you advise them to do ?
If you think he'll change, you're wrong.
He might, but that'll take years, and your patience will have run out by the time it happens.
If you can put up with it, stay. If not, leave
It matters not a jot whether you love him. If you don't trust him, you have nothing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
Hey guys,
I'm not sure whether this is considered common but I just got married 29 days ago. Today I was playing with my husband's cellphone and noticed he has a different email account that he normally checks in front of me. Out of curiosity, I checked the emails he sent to others and my whole body started to shake when I read those emails.
We moved in together in early June, 2011. At the time I was preparing for the California bar exam, but I was also told that he was involved with a child custody case with his ex girlfriend. The bar exam was stressful, and learning about him having a son was just shocking. But above all the emotions I had, I chose my boyfriend as my priority and tried to help him with his case first. I stayed up late at night sometimes until 3-4am writing motions, and had my lawyer friend go to court to defend my boyfriend. He won the case, but I failed the bar. His whole family treated me like his savior at the time, and his mom told him "you better treat this girl really well".
Despite the discouraging fact that I failed the bar, I was referred to a big law firm in California by my father's friend who was a partner at another law firm. In order to stay with my boyfriend, I gave up my opportunities in California and decided to stay in Texas.
A month ago, we got married. While I was playing with his cellphone yesterday, I noticed a email account that he's never used in front of me. Out of curiosity, I check the emails he sent in that account and my body started to shake the second I read those emails. He has been emailing girls picturs of his body on Craiglist, from the beginning when we first moved in together, to the time I was staying up late at night to help him with his case, until...I don't know how long it lasted. He used very graphic words and called those girls "babe, sexy, gorgeous" all the time. In one email, he wrote "I got six packs. Wanna come over to my place sexy?"
I am just so disgusted by it now - the time I left for California to take the bar exam, he was asking some girl from Craiglist to come over to sleep on the bed that I was paying rent for??!! I started to yell and totally lost control, I told him and his mother that I wanted to have a divorce because I can't trust someone like that. He told me he didn't actually go meet those girls, and the reason he was on Craiglist was because he felt everything between us was moving too fast and he felt freaked out. He said his past relationships all fell apart when things got serious and he just wanted to make sure he was not trapped by being with me at the time.
I really don't know what to do right now, given the fact that (1) I just got married and had never thought about divorce; (2) my parents cut me off because of him. now I'm having a hard time, I have nobody to talk to; (3) He had done something similar in the past that I caught him doing - we fought for a long time, he apologized for it and promised it wouldn't happen again. But it still happened again.
I'm new to the marriage thing and I thought I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with this person. But I can't trust him anymore. Calling another woman sexy/baby and ask for their pictures when he was with me? Just the thought of having sex with him in the future makes me sick.
You gave up and opportunity in California this guy, your family has cut you off, you gave up passing the bar and caught him doing something like this before and you married him anyway?
Why would you even need to ASK what to do, if you can't figure it out on your own you need to grow up, wake up and take a giant leap into reality.
Call your parents and tell them what happened and that you would like to come home, pack what you can and get the hell away from this guy IMMEDIATELY.
well what happened before wasn't as nearly disgusting. When we first started dating he kept bragging about his exes (how pretty they were, how many guys wish to be with them, and they were bikini models etc). It made me very uncomfortable that he still kept contact with his exes, so I made him promise me that he will not keep in touch with them anymore. Then there was one day he came home 3am and said he dropped off some old furniture to a friend - which later I discovered that "friend" was his last exgirlfriend. What bothered me at the time was the fact that he held my hands, looked into my eyes and promised me that he will cut off contact with his exes. THen he went to her house and came back home lying to me about it.
I thought about leaving him at the time because I knew it would be hard to trust him. He kept apologizing and his mom kept telling me he was just being stupid and he'll learn from his mistakes etc etc. So i decided to give him another chance.
well what happened before wasn't as nearly disgusting. When we first started dating he kept bragging about his exes (how pretty they were, how many guys wish to be with them, and they were bikini models etc). It made me very uncomfortable that he still kept contact with his exes, so I made him promise me that he will not keep in touch with them anymore. Then there was one day he came home 3am and said he dropped off some old furniture to a friend - which later I discovered that "friend" was his last exgirlfriend. What bothered me at the time was the fact that he held my hands, looked into my eyes and promised me that he will cut off contact with his exes. THen he went to her house and came back home lying to me about it.
I thought about leaving him at the time because I knew it would be hard to trust him. He kept apologizing and his mom kept telling me he was just being stupid and he'll learn from his mistakes etc etc. So i decided to give him another chance.
Once a cheater always a cheater and he will not change no matter how many times he takes your hands, looks you in the eyes and "promises" he won't do that again.........it is CRAP, it is BEYOND CRAP. What else do you think he has lied about throughout your entire relationship?
If my husband had been bragging about his exes so much I would have already told him to go back where he came from and tossed his arse out the door and I certainly would have NEVER MARRIED HIM.
Anything else you said in the post except this bolded part is irrelevant.
If a friend came to you and told you this, what would you advise them to do ?
If you think he'll change, you're wrong.
He might, but that'll take years, and your patience will have run out by the time it happens.
If you can put up with it, stay. If not, leave
It matters not a jot whether you love him. If you don't trust him, you have nothing.
His mother has been educating me the whole time that we are married now, he made a vow to be with me, what happened on Craiglist was the past and was before we were married.
Even if it is true that he stopped doing it after we were married, and that he's never physically gone out with any of those girls - how would people in this country react normally? I'm a new immigrant and based on all the mess we made, I certainly haven't learned enough of this culture to know what the standard for a dating couple is.....
Once a cheater always a cheater and he will not change no matter how many times he takes your hands, looks you in the eyes and "promises" he won't do that again.........it is CRAP, it is BEYOND CRAP. What else do you think he has lied about throughout your entire relationship?
If my husband had been bragging about his exes so much I would have already told him to go back where he came from and tossed his arse out the door and I certainly would have NEVER MARRIED HIM.
It just really hurts me that he could be so sweet to other girls when he was writing them emails. I had to request compliments from him because according to him he's "not good at giving compliments". I told him several times I'm willing to do anything for him, but I'd love to see a love note, a nice email from him from time to time to show that he appreicates me. He never did. But apparently he got all the time and energy to write to other women.
His mother has been educating me the whole time that we are married now, he made a vow to be with me, what happened on Craiglist was the past and was before we were married.
Even if it is true that he stopped doing it after we were married, and that he's never physically gone out with any of those girls - how would people in this country react normally? I'm a new immigrant and based on all the mess we made, I certainly haven't learned enough of this culture to know what the standard for a dating couple is.....
Lying and cheating is the same in any country or culture. You should already be packed and walking out the door instead of sitting at your computer asking the same questions and making more excuses for him.
(time for me to go back to bed I think)
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