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Wow okay so much to respond and read through.. Here are the latest updates..
So I called back the Ritz they told me another position has opened up its not the one I wanted excactly in the kitchen BUT thats okay I can always transfer after a while and its still a chef position. There are two shifts either 7am -3pm or 3pm - 11 pm. Our daughter would be in daycare twice a week for about 2 hours a day if I got the latter shift which seems likely and if I got the morning shift she'd be in one day for 8 hours and one day for 2 hours. The day care is 2 blocks from my job and I can pop in on my lunch to check on her so thats good. We are still working out details but my husband isn't thrilled about the daycare situation.
As far as the "you chose to be a mom deal with it" response, yes I did choose to be a mom.. I've been a stay at home mom for 2 years but I also chose to have a career. I was there for her first steps, words etc. I feel like the BIG things I wanted to see I got to and I feel okay letting her interact and play with other children now for a few hours a day. I guess this is the great debate of Working mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom. I don't feel guilty for wanting to provide more for my daughter. We certainly can make it on my husbands salary and have done so for over 8 years , but I also would like other things like to buy a house and a second salary would help greatly. A vacation would be nice eventually too, we haven't been on one in 6 years.
Also there was a misunderstanding in what I wrote. They told me that if my husbands schedule wasn't flexible and I wasn't able to be flexible around it they couldn't hire me for the position which required the sort of availibility schedule they needed. That was my fault I worded that in a wrong way. I can understand their reasoning its a 24 hour high end kitchen if a celebrity or banquet were to come up they'll need availibility. So my fault sorry about that.
IMHO, whoever has the best pay and benefits is the main breadwinner. If that is the wife, then the husband has to work around her schedule. I don't pick sides (H vs.W) , its just a matter of practicality. My wife and I have had to do this for quite a few years in our marriage. She made more money, so I took the biggest role in raising the kids, house chores and I worked my job around her. It just makes sense.
IMHO, whoever has the best pay and benefits is the main breadwinner. If that is the wife, then the husband has to work around her schedule. I don't pick sides (H vs.W) , its just a matter of practicality. My wife and I have had to do this for quite a few years in our marriage. She made more money, so I took the biggest role in raising the kids, house chores and I worked my job around her. It just makes sense.
Right the issue is how am I suppose to know or even have the opportunity to make the money if I can't be in the field working. If that was the case he would always be the bread winner and I'd be a stay at home mom. Quite frankly until he becomes an accountant I have the potential to make just as much as he does in a shorter time but if not given the chance to actually do that how could I?
As far as the "you chose to be a mom deal with it" response, yes I did choose to be a mom.. I've been a stay at home mom for 2 years but I also chose to have a career. I was there for her first steps, words etc. I feel like the BIG things I wanted to see I got to and I feel okay letting her interact and play with other children now for a few hours a day. I guess this is the great debate of Working mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom. I don't feel guilty for wanting to provide more for my daughter. We certainly can make it on my husbands salary and have done so for over 8 years , but I also would like other things like to buy a house and a second salary would help greatly. A vacation would be nice eventually too, we haven't been on one in 6 years.
You don't have to defend yourself from that nonsense. In fact, I insist that you do not. It's undignified and only diminishes your position.
There is not a single thing wrong with a mother having a family and a rewarding career. Not one thing. Women have been successfully mixing work with child raising since the dawn of history. It has only been in the last few decades that it somehow transformed into a "bad thing."
You don't have to defend yourself from that nonsense. In fact, I insist that you do not. It's undignified and only diminishes your position.
Agreed. If you do choose to respond to comments along those lines, an eye roll and a incredulous look like -- did you really just say that? you should be embarrassed for yourself -- will suffice.
Am I being unreasonable for being so angry about this? Is it my place as his spouse to sacrifice this much for him to excel at his career and simply start mine when his is established?
You are not even remotely unreasonable.
Everyone has needs that must be fulfilled. If you do not fulfill them, then you will only bring tremendous pain and suffering upon yourself and others.
You have a need to express yourself creatively through the Culinary Arts and if you do not fulfill that need, you will become morose and bitter and take it out on your husband or child or both, and you might even turn to addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, eating etc) as a way to relieve your pain and suffering.
Marriage means never having to make a sacrifice.
Marriage is about two people who share common dreams and goals and work together to reach them, while each has their own individual dreams and goals to pursue and you are each mutually supportive of the other.
Compromise is never about sacrifice. Compromise means reaching your goals, but perhaps altering the route that you take to get there.
I compromised and became a stay at home wife....
Wrong. That is not compromise, that is sacrifice.
Your husband is wrong. He needs to step back and let you step forward. He has had numerous opportunities and squandered them, in part because I suspect he is very child-like and immature with respect to career. There's no guarantee that he will finish his accounting degree, or that he will even work as an accountant. He might just get a wild hair up his ass and move you all to New Mexico to become an ostrich farmer or what do you call them things, llamas or pacas or something like that (from South America).
He can pursue his degree part-time days or evenings while you work, and that is the compromise he needs to make.
Reasonably...
Mircea
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