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Test that. Tell woman B how you feel and see how she looks at it. I have a feeling she won't appreciate being second choice either. Everyone deserves the chance to be first choice--or at least the right to know they're
second choice. I know you're not going to get it. You're going to have to discover and experience the pain of knowing you're only second choice before you do I'm afraid. Sad.
She's the #1 choice in my head, if my feelings don't always reciprocate. So, it's not fair to call her second choice.
I can tell you let your heart and feelings lead the way when it comes to romance. I let my brain lead. I'm trying to figure out how to get Woman A out of my head.
I'm just being honest. Woman A messed me up. I wish I had never met her.... Call me a d*uchebag if you want, but I don't think you're being logical or helpful.
She's the #1 choice in my head, if my feelings don't always reciprocate. So, it's not fair to call her second choice.
I can tell you let your heart and feelings lead the way when it comes to romance. I let my brain lead. I'm trying to figure out how to get Woman A out of my head.
I'm just being honest. Woman A messed me up. I wish I had never met her.... Call me a d*uchebag if you want, but I don't think you're being logical or helpful.
Contrary to what you think, she is trying to help. She is pointing out the fact that Woman B is in the relationship for YOU! On the other hand you are still hung up on Woman A, who as you stated, probably doesnt care if you ended up in a gutter. You should have taken a "me" time to get your emotions together before jumping into another relationship mate. Its really not fair to the one you are with now...that even during intercourse, you are dreaming of Woman A. I mean that is really low, no matter how finely you wrap the delivery method!
Your mistake was not having enough of a buffer between A and B. You are really going to have to knock it off. Poor B is a rebound girlfriend, and that's not good for her.
I still have fantasies about my first boyfriend when I was 12 (he still pines for me, I bet), but that hasn't really hampered my life. Put girl A in a mental drawer where she belongs, and leave her there.
Test that. Tell woman B how you feel and see how she looks at it. I have a feeling she won't appreciate being second choice either. Everyone deserves the chance to be first choice--or at least the right to know they're
second choice. I know you're not going to get it. You're going to have to discover and experience the pain of knowing you're only second choice before you do I'm afraid. Sad.
I concur. If you, OP, are hung up on another woman who's just not into you (regardless of your history together), you need to get over your unrequited love before even contemplating venturing out on a date again. Otherwise, that woman — whoever she is — will always come in second place in your mind and in your heart.
I mean, "Woman B" kinda says it all, doesn't it?
Why are you with her? Is it because you're lonely? If so, that's no reason.
Contrary to what you think, she is trying to help. She is pointing out the fact that Woman B is in the relationship for YOU! On the other hand you are still hung up on Woman A, who as you stated, probably doesnt care if you ended up in a gutter. You should have taken a "me" time to get your emotions together before jumping into another relationship mate. Its really not fair to the one you are with now...that even during intercourse, you are dreaming of Woman A. I mean that is really low, no matter how finely you wrap the delivery method!
Yea, I see what you mean. She was kind of a rebound. That's my fault.
But I don't think I should give her up. Things are going well. And I don't want to get into details, but if I dumped her now, she'd be devastated.
I think it would be even dumber to give up a woman who has truly shown she cares for me for some wild, irrational set of feelings for a woman who probably doesn't care if I end up in a gutter tommorow.
But I knew I would get responses like yours. Appreciate the opinon...
I think where these posts are coming from, is the idea that it's not fair to Woman B for you to continue to hold strong feelings for Woman A while you're maintaining a relationship with her. If what you say is true, in that Woman B is someone who loves and cares about you, then she deserves someone who will have feelings exclusively for her. Again, I'm saying this as someone who's in a similar situation. I feel like an undeserving jerk whenever I long for my Woman A, and I bet you do, too. So yes, it's a given that you have to move on, but exchanging texts and emails while you still pine for her isn't indicative of you moving on.
ITA. I think it's perfectly normal to continue to long for/love a former S.O. or spouse who dumped you, because there was an existing relationship. But I learned at around 20 years of age that "loving" someone who didn't take an interest in me was a symptom of poor self-esteem left over from my teenaged years.
Now I look back at some at my behavior when I was a still a young girl and cringe. I'm not interested in anyone who doesn't love me or who doesn't have the potential to love me. I'm attractive, a good person and a real catch, so that tells me that they don't exactly have good judgment (or good taste).
I still think Woman B needs to know about your feelings for her, OP. You're going to have to come clean eventually. So it's either now or later, and trust me, it's going to hurt her either way.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Yea, I see what you mean. She was kind of a rebound. That's my fault.
But I don't think I should give her up. Things are going well. And I don't want to get into details, but if I dumped her now, she'd be devastated.
As a woman, let me tell you, it would be more devastating to find out I was 'woman B'. Being dumped....left....let go...I could handle. But I couldn't handle a man staying with me because he thinks I'd be devastated if he left. LOL I'd have to tell him, Hey, if you get over yourself, I will too.
Seriously, just do this; reverse the situation. You be man B. How are you looking at it from her point of view knowing she's thinking of man A in bed and other times?
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. Call me a d*uchebag if you want, but I don't think you're being logical or helpful.
