My friends and family think I'm gay. (dating, girlfriend, married)
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So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.
I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.
The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).
Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.
"No I don't have time to date right now."
"I'm not really interested in that right now."
Oh man, I use those lines all the time when anti-gay people ask me about my dating life. And I am gay. Even if that is the truth, time to find some new lines, OP, cause those are gay people’s stock phrases for "Crap, I can’t come out to this person."
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead360
So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.
I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.
The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).
Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.
I'm 23 and haven't ever really gotten into a relationship and have gotten the "are you gay?" treatment. The worst was when at an old job one female coworker thought that being a black guy who dressed well and spoke decent English automatically meant you gay. Word was that she liked me and she was mad I wasn't really into her like that. If I were closer to my extended family I'd suspect on getting this treatment too since I've never had a GF.
It just sucks but all you can do is keep on keeping on and ignore the treatment.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to pursue a relationship right now. To be honest its really overrated. Here's the problem.
You still have society that still thinks that if you are not out dating or having a date life, then there's either something wrong with you or that you are gay. I think personally that society is blind and stupid to the fact that not everyone is out to have a relationship all of the time. Maybe some of us want to remain single by choice at this time. Nothing wrong with that at all.
I've been told that sometimes myself, but I pretty much ignore them. I'm 34 and I haven't dated anyone in 5 years. And I am fine with that. I think its best to go after your passion in life and do what your heart desires. It does not always have to be in someone's face and having to deal with the extra stress and drama that can arise from relationships, which in turn can slow you down in reaching your life's goals.
I think your family and friends need to be supportive in what you want to accomplish in life career-wise and quit worrying on whether you are in a relationship. That's not the only thing in life. Just focus on what you need to do.
So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.
I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.
The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).
Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.
they're probably just looking out for you. I wouldn't put to much yhought into it but those lines do sound like something people that are having trouble dating say. the first time you bring a girlfriend around the gossip will stop. It can be hard to date for a guy that's really short too. just do your thing and you'll meet someone without trying which is usually how it happens.
I think your family and friends probably just want you to be happy, and are letting you know that they don't care if you're gay or not.
My Mom asked me that question a few times, as I don't really talk about my dating life with my family. I told her, 'no, I'm not gay." Eventually, I told her something to the tone that I prefer short-term arrangements with women, which is not entirely true, but at least it stopped the questions of when are you going to get married and have grandchildren for me to play with.
So, just tell them something vague. Tell your friends that you are not looking for a relationship and don't want to date now, but a FWB type deal is welcome. Tell your parents that you've been out on a few dates a month (with women), but you really don't have time for a relationship.
So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.
I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.
The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).
Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.
You're good, you just stay focused and build your future just like you are doing. More young people should be like you imo. As for your friends and family, they may be trying to be so accepting, just in case you were gay....I think more people are trying to be accepting, so many kids used to go through hell when they came out. I realize you aren't gay....I'm just trying to explain what may be happening w/in your family/friends circle.
Remember recently so many young folks committing suicide because of discrimination.....I think your circle love you no matter what. Just maybe next time they are all together, or give a get together....and share that you appreciate them, love them, and if you were gay you would have trusted them enough to tell them. Then explain your careeer focus....maybe it will relieve this situation for you.
I think your family and friends probably just want you to be happy, and are letting you know that they don't care if you're gay or not.
This.
Although it's none of our business, and entirely personal matter, you might want to investigate and really search yourself on why you seem to have no time for meeting someone for companionship, even casually. We're all busy. I work 70 hours a week and I still make time for people I'm interested in. You don't have to reply to this, just think about it.
Although it's none of our business, and entirely personal matter, you might want to investigate and really search yourself on why you seem to have no time for meeting someone for companionship, even casually. We're all busy. I work 70 hours a week and I still make time for people I'm interested in. You don't have to reply to this, just think about it.
Ah, I understand what you mean, it's not some much of not having enough time. I tend to make time for things I enjoy doing ( such as hanging out, writing, going for walks, listening to music, volunteering). I don't think it's so much of not having enough time, I guess it's more so not really using the time to spend dating or looking for companionship.
So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.
I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.
The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).
Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.
Your family should mine their own business. Let them know everything that you've said in your OP and that they are making you uncomfortable with these questions. I've gotten into arguments with acquaintances over the same thing.
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