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New wife should have assessed the situation before getting married.
There's a lesson here. Actually there are a lotta lessons here. Might start with the knowledge that once you have kids you'll never be truly divorced. It follows then to use extreme caution when entering a relationship with a person with children.
Did the husband get custody because his ex is an alcoholic or a drug addict?
This might explain this situation.
No. At post 16, she says it's just that every other weekend visitation kind of thing.
That's why I think it may be more about a mom who isn't used to having her daughter be away from her.
I knew a woman who had to send her young kids to visit their father and she knew he didn't do a great job watching them or getting them to bed on time. When he remarried, she liked the new wife because the new wife was a much better babysitter and would actually make sure she knew where the kids were and fed them proper meals. It sometimes really is more about the kids than an ex wife trying to get her ex husband back.
Did the husband get custody because his ex is an alcoholic or a drug addict?
This might explain this situation.
No, he does not have full custody. She lives with the mom, they get her every other weekend and one day during the week. Guess I did not explain that very well.
My sister just got married to a guy with a pre- teen daughter. She has never had kids herself. This guy's ex wife is really berating her about what kind of influence she needs to be and basically does not believe she can "do the job." The ex has so far been pretty manipulative in her approach. I am not sure if it's jealousy or just concern for her child. Sis is a great influence with this girl from what I have witnessed.
Any advice from ya'll?
Rather than speculate as to why the ex-wife is such a critic, I'd rather look at the specific issues they're disagreeing on. Would you mind posting an example or two?
I was the "other mother" and there were tons of complaints from the egg-donor, but never directly to me as my husband and I agreed that the least amount of contact between us was best for all concerned. We initially had more contact with my stepson than had been agreed upon - instead of a few days a week, we wound up with him about 2 weeks at a time with the egg-donor stopping in for a weekend visit.
As for the ex-wife/mother giving new wife directives, etc. new wife should give her lipservice and ignore. Being busy and unable to have a chat works really well. Un hunh. Yeah, OK. those are great responses.
Rather than speculate as to why the ex-wife is such a critic, I'd rather look at the specific issues they're disagreeing on. Would you mind posting an example or two?
She tries to trip up my sister by not giving her all the information needed about details, then blaming her for not knowing them. She also took a direct idea my sister had for an outing and then claimed it as her own, thereby taking the chance to do this special thing away from her and onto herself! (It was a trip somewhere the daughter had been wanting to go on.)
She tries to trip up my sister by not giving her all the information needed about details, then blaming her for not knowing them. She also took a direct idea my sister had for an outing and then claimed it as her own, thereby taking the chance to do this special thing away from her and onto herself! (It was a trip somewhere the daughter had been wanting to go on.)
I see. It sounds like she is just trying to look better in the eyes of her kid (and maybe a few others, including her ex-husband) by trying to make others look bad. Tell your sister to just play it cool. Tell her to get even more creative and show the kid all her best qualities. Sooner or later, the daughter's going to see how insecure and/or jealous her biological mom is, especially if all the mom's efforts at bringing your sister down don't seem to be working.
I don't know what the ex-wife thinks "the job" of a good parent is, but it certainly doesn't involve lying or being antagonistic.
The bolded sentence is why I'd rather use Hillary Clinton's taint as lip balm than ever be a step-parent.
Having someone's else's brat living in my house, not having any say in how it is raised, yet being forced to help execute the parenting plan I had no part in developing? Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags.
As soon as a kid sets foot in MY house -- no matter whose kid it is -- he follows MY rules. If someone has a problem with that, I suggest they find a different house for that kid.
I agree with you totally, someone with your views would be miserable as a step parent, so it's good to know that you have no plans to become one, the problem is when people know that they would have problems dealing with another person's kids, and yet they go on to date, and maybe marry someone with kids, I've never understood it, you knew they had kids, you knew the kids played a significant part in their lives, why get married and then complain about it. I was married to someone who had a daughter, I made sure I stayed well out of the drama, I treated her like I would treat the child of a friend who came to visit, and we got along fine
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