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Months ago, I fell pretty hard for a co-worker of mine who I spent a lot of time with. Let's call her Woman A. When I went for her, she subsequently rejected me. It messed me up pretty bad.
I decided to subsequently limit contact with her and start dating other women. I also no longer work at that place.
One of the women I started dating really took a liking to me and I like her too. She is really sweet and I like many things about her. She is my girlfriend now and has been since the new year. Let's call her Woman B.
Here's the problem. I cannot get Woman A out of my head. I think about her all the time. I think about her more than my girlfriend, I think about her while I'm having sex with my girlfriend. While I'm taking my girlfriend to Valentine's Day dinner, thoughts come into my head of what it would be like to be there with Woman A. Like just thinking about Woman A with clothes on makes me sexually aroused. It's REALLY bad. And it's not like there's a big difference between them in physical attractiveness. There isn't.
At first, I was just like, it's stupid emotional residue, it'll fade. But it has not. It's been over four months. I do keep in contact with Woman A, but it's very limited. Only text or facebook maybe once a month. I try really hard to block it out. It bothers me a lot that I can't stop thinking about her and it's not really fair to my girlfriend either (though she has no clue).
I guess this is more of a vent. I am not going to break up with my girlfriend. But anybody ever in a similar situation could chime in.
Sounds like you are suffering from a case of "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. You need to either snap out of it quickly and focus on the one you're with ...OR let her (current GF) go so you can pursue the one that rejected you; leaving the door open for someone that deserves her to step in.
Been there, You put a lot of effort in pursuing someone, only to be rejected. Happens all the time. Fortunately it's only occured a couple of times in my life.
If you are still thinking about that first woman even while you are dating your current girlfriend then I don't put much faith in your current relationship succeeding. What attracted you to the first woman? Was it just looks or some aspect(s) of her personality?
You sound like another one of those people that can't be alone and will date any available person to avoid it. Please don't marry someone you don't love--you'll end up divorced.
Your feelings for woman A are definitely much stronger than B. This could also be one of those deals in which your feelings for A are amplified because you can't have her and B is too much of a "sure thing". You probably should have spent more time single after A rejected you or taken things a little slower with B. Either way, I agree with the others that this is something you either need to get over or let B go. It's okay to be attracted to someone else but it seems like you're in too deep with B to pining over another girl this hard.
It's also difficult when you're involved with someone at work. It would probably be easier to deal with if you didn't have to see girl A so often. Just before I started dating my girlfriend I was rejected by a girl I really liked. However, that was over eight months ago and I haven't talked to the other girl since.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Months ago, I fell pretty hard for a co-worker of mine who I spent a lot of time with. Let's call her Woman A. When I went for her, she subsequently rejected me. It messed me up pretty bad.
I decided to subsequently limit contact with her and start dating other women. I also no longer work at that place.
One of the women I started dating really took a liking to me and I like her too. She is really sweet and I like many things about her. She is my girlfriend now and has been since the new year. Let's call her Woman B.
Here's the problem. I cannot get Woman A out of my head. I think about her all the time. I think about her more than my girlfriend, I think about her while I'm having sex with my girlfriend. While I'm taking my girlfriend to Valentine's Day dinner, thoughts come into my head of what it would be like to be there with Woman A. Like just thinking about Woman A with clothes on makes me sexually aroused. It's REALLY bad. And it's not like there's a big difference between them in physical attractiveness. There isn't.
At first, I was just like, it's stupid emotional residue, it'll fade. But it has not. It's been over four months. I do keep in contact with Woman A, but it's very limited. Only text or facebook maybe once a month. I try really hard to block it out. It bothers me a lot that I can't stop thinking about her and it's not really fair to my girlfriend either (though she has no clue).
I guess this is more of a vent. I am not going to break up with my girlfriend. But anybody ever in a similar situation could chime in.
How unfortunate for your current girlfriend (the last comment). You're right, it's not fair to her. Let her go so she can find someone who's as crazy about her as You are about....woman A.
She may, as you say, have no clue. But she will suffer for it just the same until you let her go find real love.
Yes I was in a similar situation, but it was in elementary school. It's time for you to face the facts: she never had feelings for you and never will. You have a CRUSH on her, that's it. There's no emotional residue, you never fell in love with her, that's just ridiculous, irrational thinking.
So now you have two options.
Door A is that you forget about something you never had, stop with the fantasies and infatuation, and realize that you're an ADULT and you need to be the master of your own thoughts and mind.
Door B is that you obsess over a random girl and let it ruin the rest of your current relationship, future dating life, and mental health.
Yes I was in a similar situation, but it was in elementary school. It's time for you to face the facts: she never had feelings for you and never will. You have a CRUSH on her, that's it. There's no emotional residue, you never fell in love with her, that's just ridiculous, irrational thinking.
So now you have two options.
Door A is that you forget about something you never had, stop with the fantasies and infatuation, and realize that you're an ADULT and you need to be the master of your own thoughts and mind.
Door B is that you obsess over a random girl and let it ruin the rest of your current relationship, future dating life, and mental health.
You are right and we ALL have this rational side to us. Part of us says "Get over it, get a grip"! The other part says "I'll never feel this way again....I am so in love with this person".
Do you let your head or heart win?
We are not just a body, not just a mind...we are Spirit, Soul, Miind and Body....and so many things come into play when you meet a human being you are attracted to. Sometimes the chemistry is hard to understand, the WHY's...you are just attracted to that person and is goes much deeper than looks.
So yes, he has a decision to make....but it will be far from easy. He should let his current girlfriend go though.....even just for a while, so he can be alone and think.....maybe approach Girl A again - worth a try, if she rejects you again then at least you tried.
We humans are more than machines that is for sure!
She rejected you. You need to let go. Jennifer Garner would certainly reject me, even though I'm in love with her. What that means is that I just can't have her as my girlfriend. It's that simple. And, yes, I'm over it.
My advice to you is no more texts and no more emails.
And if you really, really can't let go, I'd consider talking to a therapist.
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What that means is that I just can't have her as my girlfriend. It's that simple. And, yes, I'm over it. 
