5th Date at Her Place: Seeking Exclusivity

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

This is just me - but I would have the exclusivity talk before sex. There have been guys that I knew I wasn't going to be exclusive with - so I slept with them with out any conversation about our relationship but the guys that I knew I wanted a relationship with - we always talked about "us" before we did the deed. But like I said - that's just me.

Rep. I totally agree with this approach. If you think she would make a good long term girlfriend or more bring it up by all means. If you want to stay in the casual mode and see if it grows organically no need to talk about it in detail.

Some people will treat every interaction with the opposite sex as being "The One" when in reality you will have many relationships in your life!

Originally Posted by Johnny Ace

I doubt that. Two weeks ago she was in my arms in bed. The next time we were together she nervously told me how she'd been debating whether or not she was ready for actual sex and decided she couldn't handle the emotional side of it, but we made out nevertheless. She didn't want to feel sleazy getting sexual with a new guy so soon. Then she decided she wasn't ready to date at all.

Just my opinion here, but I wouldn't even consider more then platonically seeing someone who would feel sleazy about having sex. And I have a lot of women that I do see platonically which is fine too. If I'm with a woman and it feels right I sure don't want some guilt ridden insecure person making me feel bad about my/her sexuality. Women and men who freak out over having sex and act like children should date each other.

[wordlife]

Originally Posted by Johnny Ace

No, it had nothing to do with my hesitance for sex. I was ready before she was.

Online dating is my only realistic option to meet women.

real talk

let me ask you something, I'm guessing on a daily basis you go outside to work etc. There are times when you visit stores for food shopping or just to browse, and i'm sure there are times when you might want to take a walk in your neighborhood or the park. You might even hit up the club or the lounge with your crew to go ham whenever.

the point i'm getting at is your comment "online dating is my only realistic option..." is a cop out.

There are plenty of opportunities to meet women, it's just you choose to take the passive route. I'm not saying this to harp on your parade or anything but I find it sad. There are some people who have physical conditions, they can't walk or they might have a cleft palate but they're out there living, trying and getting play.

This talk about being ready before her, do you wait for a chick to tell you to kiss her? not at all, when you bang a chick it's the same way.

Don't limit yourself player.

[Chi-turtle]

Originally Posted by Johnny Ace

No, it had nothing to do with my hesitance for sex. I was ready before she was.

It's too bad it ended the way it did, but you won't want to waste your time with that girl anyway. Nextime just move a little quicker and YOU call the shots. Put the burden on her to speak up and bring up "the talk" and say she's not ready for sex. Just make a move, go at it unless she stops you. But it's a non-issue now, move on to the next one.

Online dating is my only realistic option to meet women.

Not it is not. That's the big lie. Online dating is a HUGE joke for men. I've done it over 4 years and I'll never go back. It is a crap shoot and it does not work. No good woman will be online because she won't need to be. If there's a woman online, something is wrong with her, and it can take a while to find out.

Join some groups, try some new hobbies. Learn to banter. Make conversation with random people by just throwing out comments while near them like "wow it's cold out today" or "I'm ready for the weekend" and see if you get a bite. Or ask friendly, non-intrusive questions that could start a conversation like "hey, is that book good, I was thinking about picking that one up" or "do you like sushi? where's a good place nearby?" You're not going for broke and asking them out, and if they turn the cheek and walk away you then it's not like you put yourself out there that much, it will speak more about their lack of courtesy which you don't want to be involved with anyway. (See how that works in your favor double-time?)

I met a woman through guitar classes that I'm taking as well. We only hung out once and there probably isn't any romantic interest, but it's a girl I got to meet and who knows I may meet some of her friends someday.

I doubt that. Two weeks ago she was in my arms in bed. The next time we were together she nervously told me how she'd been debating whether or not she was ready for actual sex and decided she couldn't handle the emotional side of it, but we made out nevertheless. She didn't want to feel sleazy getting sexual with a new guy so soon. Then she decided she wasn't ready to date at all.

It's all insignificant, bro. It doesn't matter what she says, it matters what she does. The only question that matters is Is she with me right now? No, she's not, you have your answer. You did nothing wrong, it's her problem, just learn from it and try to be more perceptive and less revealing. Think of your next encounter with women in this situation as a poker game. You want all her chips and if you stay in the hand long enough you'll get to see her cards, but if you show yours too early you could walk away with nothing.

[bibirdie]

i dont think its got to do with whether its early or late,,,its got to do rather with finding out how likely she is to accept
being exclusive
so better find out how she is feeling first

[bibirdie]

i know it's an old thread but i wanted to have my say
i became someone's girlfriend on the 4th date, i found
it premature but from the beginning i wanted it so it
worked

[leftcoastie]

What ever you do, don't ****ing play games. There are no rules. Make up your own. Be straight up. Don't worry about your "game"—no such thing. Don't pretend. If you want exclusivity, ask for it—from whoever. If you just want sex, don't lie and say you want love. Just be honest.

[redallen]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

Can you picture someone like Snoop Dogg going up to a woman and being like " So, what do you think about us being exclusive?" Come on, man!

Oh yeah, cause I want my boyfriend or potential boyfriend to base our relationship on what Snoop Dogg would do!!!!!



I think it's fine to bring up exclusivity after a few dates if that is what you want and are feeling that with her.

In my last two relationships, it took one date and then maybe three dates before we had the exclusivity talk.

[noghre111]

Don't stress / overthink it. Enjoy your night and go with the flow.