Where are the decent white men who are interseted in black women? (dating, non-black)

[Liberty464]

I read and hear that there are indeed a lot of white men interested in black women. My question is where are they? I am a black woment living in NY.
Ten out of ten times white men just stare at me and smile.
That's it.
If there is a real interest why don't they say hello or start a conversation?
( I do smile back)

[sun]

It's just like starting a business, it's all about location, location, location.

Maybe you should try a reputable dating service or a personal ad in a local newspaper.

[Drover]

Originally Posted by Liberty464

I read and hear that there are indeed a lot of white men interested in black women. My question is where are they? I am a black woment living in NY.
Ten out of ten times white men just stare at me and smile.
That's it.
If there is a real interest why don't they say hello or start a conversation?
( I do smile back)

You know, this is the 21st century. You might try walking up and saying hi to them instead of waiting for them to approach you. There's still a pretty broad perception out there that most black women are only into black men. It may be that they don't know if you're "approachable" or not.

[ReefAreCoolToo]

You need to starts going to irish pubs...

[Zig'sbird]

I'm right here

However, I am also married and living in Indy...

[dullnboring]

I'm a white guy who has dated every color under the sun, including several black women, so here's my take on this.

Originally Posted by Drover

You know, this is the 21st century. You might try walking up and saying hi to them instead of waiting for them to approach you. There's still a pretty broad perception out there that most black women are only into black men. It may be that they don't know if you're "approachable" or not.

I agree with this. I think the bottom line is that men of all colors fear rejection. Black women are the least likely of any group in this country to date outside of their race. This is something that has been proven through various studies. If you cruise through a personals site, you will see black women more often than any other race cite that they are looking for black men. I remember watching an episode of Oprah several years ago where there were several single black women sitting around talking about dating interracially where half said they would, half wouldn't and then of the half that would, a few said something along the lines of "but when I marry, I want a strong black man" as the other women nodded along. You don't really see or hear that with Latinas, Asians and white women (although some may think it admittedly). As such, many non-black men feel that they will get shot down if approaching a black women so they don't even bother to try. It's not something that is exclusive to race. It's similar to how many men would not bother approaching or asking out an Angelina Jolie clone if they were to see her in a bar, regardless of whether or not after a conversation they got along well with her, simply because they would view her as out of their league and a near certain rejection that they'd rather not hear.

I remember one instance where I was in a bar and talking to a black woman, and when I more or less asked her out, she looked at me like I was crazy and then didn't even say anything but just started cackling. When she composed herself enough, she managed to say "you're a little too pale for me if you know what I'm saying." This woman was not representative of the black race and should be judged on an individual basis. She was just a beeyotch plain and simple, regardless of her race. I could have been rejected in the same manner by a Latina, Asian or a white woman, but in terms of statistics, more black women refuse to date outside of their race than those other groups, so this sort of reaction is the sort of thing that I think a lot of white men fear and makes them second-guess themselves when it comes to approaching black women. I think white men will approach an Asian or Latina woman without a second thought of "does she date white guys?", whereas the same doesn't hold true a lot of times for black women. I'm not sure if I explained that correctly but it makes sense in my head.

As ridiculous and unfair as it may be, much like women who are incredibly attractive and find themselves never getting approached out of fear of rejection, I think black women may have to be a bit more aggressive and/or flirty to let the guy know that she is interested. Things are changing in our society and there's an increasing number of black women opening their horizons and as that becomes more and more commonplace, you'll see less reticence on the part of white men to approach them as there will be less of a perception that they will be shot down immediately due to their race.

[songinthewind7]

Use a good dating service. That's what I did a few years ago and met my S/O.
Stay away from eharmony though.

[dullnboring]

Originally Posted by songinthewind7

Use a good dating service. That's what I did a few years ago and met my S/O.
Stay away from eharmony though.

Yep. That works too. That way it's listed right there what races you're open to.

[The Juicebox]

Good call dull you have it correct. "Back in the day" when i was dating, going to clubs, I would see a attractive black woman and 9 out of 10 times i would not approach her because of the reasons you stated. I had always heard growing up that blacks should only date another black person, not in a racist way just thats the way it was. I had and still have no problem with people dating outside their race. It is just that I think that fear of rejection was always there so y try?

[kim in ohio]

i am very attracted to white men and would like to date them. I've only dated black men all of my life and i am beginning to experience some increasing frustration with them becuase they (at least the ones I've met) are so picky when it comes to choosing a black woman as a mate. We have to have it all to be with them - the job, the finances, looks, no attitude, no kids, etc. But when they choose a white woman for a mate they pick one from any social class.

I find that whites are more open minded, maybe because they've experienced less racial and social tensions than blacks - and therefore, are more comfortable and have less fear of dating blacks. At any rate, i find that white men are easier to get along with at times. i love black men, but our problems with racial discrimination and the stress it has caused in our lives have made black female/male relationships and family life very difficult. Whites don't have that emotional baggage and i think that's what attracts me to white men now at this point of my life. I'm tired of dealing with black mens issues about relationships, etc.

So, what do i need to do and where do i need to go to find a good white man. I live in Cleveland, Ohio, but planning to move to CHarlotte, NC next spring.