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No not the same situation, you see -- as a potential single father, I would fulfill all caregiving and parental roles. There would be no "division of labor" as I believe the other cited poster refers to. If I were to have a surrogate carry and deliver the child, that would be the surrogate's only role; I would certainly not ever try to impose more than that upon her.
The reason I am considering a surrogate is not because I don't want to be married -- far from it. The reality for me is, and for various reasons, no woman may actually want to marry me, ever. As a result, I must be prepared for that possible event, if it occurs.
I don't like when women make this choice and I also don't like it when men make it either. I know there's plenty of people who vehemently disagree with me, but I think a child deserves a mother and a father. I grew up without a father, and yes, I do resent it. Obviously I wouldn't be here if my mother made a different choice, but I still think it was selfish.
Exactly. I agree completely. And I grew up in similar circumstances.
Edit to add: Why do you think no woman would ever want to marry you? And why so impatient to have a child?
NO. Its a horrible decision when women choose to become single out-of-wedlock-moms and its a horrible decision for a single guy to choose to become a single father. Kids need and should have BOTH parents. Real life for humans is not like some Disney Chimpanzee movie that is all cute and heartwarming. Im sure that is where the OP got this from. I believe that marriage comes first, then children.
Yes I am aware the children's needs come first, and that life while raising a child is not always sunshine and puppies, and not without its own challenges and trials. At the same time, it is a very real possibility for me that I may never be able to realistically have a wife or a marriage. I would like to politely and respectfully make the point that in MHO, if marriage is not ever going to be a likely possibility for someone, that alone should not automatically exclude him or her from being able to have the potential experience of being a loving and caring parent to a child.
Yes I am aware the children's needs come first, and that life while raising a child is not always sunshine and puppies, and not without its own challenges and trials. At the same time, it is a very real possibility for me that I may never be able to realistically have a wife or a marriage. I would like to politely and respectfully make the point that in MHO, if marriage is not ever going to be a likely possibility for someone, that alone should not automatically exclude him or her from being able to have the potential experience of being a loving and caring parent to a child.
Listen, at least you've thought it out, which makes you waaaayyyy ahead of the game IMO. Way ahead of the majority of "woops" babies out there.
Edit to add: Why do you think no woman would ever want to marry you? And why so impatient to have a child?
Women have historically never been romantically receptive to me, 98%+ of the time. Prior to age 31, I had a 100% romantic rejection rate experience, despite trying very, very hard and to the very best of my ability as much as humanly possible to change that, and also despite a wholehearted effort at self-improvement on my part. I was already a little over 31 when I had a first-ever relationship and g/f, which ended after about 2 months b/c she was excessively abusive emotionally and verbally near the end. Second relationship is/was for almost 2 years, but may be over now; IDK for sure (technically, it has not yet been definitively declared as "over" by her, at least for the moment though, sort of in limbo atm).
Quote:
Get a puppy. Start there.
Easier said than done, as I am allergic...
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-02-2012 at 12:19 PM..
Reason: Adds
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
Guys: have you ever seriously considered one possible option for having your own family, in which you would basically either adopt a child or have a child via a female surrogate? In essence, to be a single father, either by choice, or simply if no women at all were viably willing to marry you and have a child by you as a potential romantic partner or spouse?
I know that nowadays, a not statistically-insignificant portion of the female gender may opt for this (i.e., being a single mother by choice through artificial insemination, etc.), but what about single fathers though? The main reason I ask is because I have come to the conclusion that ultimately, if I am never to be married in the future for whatever reason (I'm not saying this is inevitable for me by any means, but is certainly a real possibility nevertheless), this is really the only way I can think of, to be able to have my own loving family, if all else fails and as the option of last resort.
Thoughts? Would you consider using this method, if you potentially had to and you had no other real alternatives? Also do you think it would be unfair and unjust to the child, for that child to have to grow up without a true mother, even though a single father and as the full caregiver, you would technically be fulfilling both the mother and father parenting roles? (This is what my immediate / non-spousal family's reaction was, when I told them I was considering this as a failsafe option if all other possible options were unsuccessful, and if having a loving wife was simply not going to happen for me -- they said they thought that it was extremely unfair and cruel to deprive a child of having a mother. To play the devil's advocate though, one could also make the same case for single-mother households, that it is unfair for the children of single mothers to have to live their lives without having a father, too...)
I would not likely make this choice myself b/c I don't want kids, but I think this would be a good option if you never end up with a wife. While I think it is optimal to have two happily married parents, a dedicated single parent is in my view better than growing up in a foster care system going from home to home.
I have no problem with a single person adopting a child, but that person does have to consider some factors that a two-parent family might not. Do you have a strong family/friend support network that can help you? Is your job flexible enough to allow you to take time off for illness, events, etc? If you don't have any family backup and consistently work 12-hour days, then who is going to be around for your kid?
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