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When I was growing up in SoCal, I had no friends who drank, nor did they turn out to be drinkers as adults.
In moving, and within the last 12 years, I have made, and lost, two friends that were...you might say...alcoholics. Both of them were very funny, incisive and caustic...when sober. That's why they were my friends. When they drank, one became an idiot and the other one became belligerant...to the waitresses and other people. On numerous occasions, I had to have the bartender stop serving them.
This wasn't the main deal. What I noticed about them is that they were also really selfish.
Brief story: I was going to be out of the country for 6 weeks and the PO will only hold your mail for 30 days. I got a private mail box 1 mile from one of these friends' condo, and asked him to go only twice, at about 20 day intervals, to pick up my mail. He said he would and I gave him the key. He didn't seem happy about it. In retrospect, I would ask him for about one favor a year, and he never came through on any of them (none of them involved money). When I got back from Europe, I asked him for my mail. We went into the garage, and my mail was strewn all over the back of his hatchback car, essentially available for anyone in a parking lot to see. (My parents regularly got mail for neighbors on vacation and put it in a lunch bag inside their house out of respect for other people's property and privacy). What had to have happened is that he picked up my mail and, in a state of defiance, flung it into his hatchback from the driver's seat in anger.
What makes people with addictions so damn selfish in other areas of their lives? Have you had FRIENDS (not SOs) with addiction issues that were more trouble than they were worth?
I think you just happened to meet a couple of people who happened to have an alcohol problem and were also selfish.
I have seen plenty of people with addictions, and I don't think that makes them selfish people. Another thing you have to remember is that addiction is an actual disease, it is not something that people choose to have, and a very serious addiction will cause a person to go through extremes to get what they are addicted to. The outside behavior you noticed from your friends are nothing more than them exhibiting behavior of a bad friend, but I don't think that is due to their addiction.
Also, your friends might have had worse stories.. but the description from your OP could have easily described me or any one of my friends at some times. I guess we don't really treat people badly like waitresses or other people, but we do tend to overdrink at times.. but I dont know if that is really out of the ordinary.
I have seen plenty of people with addictions, and I don't think that makes them selfish people. Another thing you have to remember is that addiction is an actual disease, it is not something that people choose to have, and a very serious addiction will cause a person to go through extremes to get what they are addicted to. The outside behavior you noticed from your friends are nothing more than them exhibiting behavior of a bad friend, but I don't think that is due to their addiction.
This person seems to have something else going. Mom blew her wad on putting the first born through a prime law school and he is now a millionaire. My friend is the last born and Mom had nothing left but, for not having a degree, he did ok. Dad also took off with another woman. He's a very shut down person. I think that's why he can't do anything for anybody. Like help you move a couch up a flight of stairs. Heck, I once picked up a Hispanic friend at SFO instead of a regional airport because he got such a lower fare into SFO. I drove 85 miles in each direction, but he then bought me dinner at North Beach SF, so that was cool. So I didn't mind driving 170 miles to help a friend.
In AA they talk about "self-will run riot." Alcoholics are very selfish, emotionally immature, volatile, unpredictable, undependable, and can't be great friends because their best friend is booze."
I am not talking about "heavy drinkers," but alcoholics.
I have had friends and family members with addiction issues. They really try your patience. I have learned this much; if you do not set boundaries they will keep pushing you past your limit over and over, until you do. I don't know if it's the addiction that does this but they are nothing but opportunists.
When I was growing up in SoCal, I had no friends who drank, nor did they turn out to be drinkers as adults.
In moving, and within the last 12 years, I have made, and lost, two friends that were...you might say...alcoholics. Both of them were very funny, incisive and caustic...when sober. That's why they were my friends. When they drank, one became an idiot and the other one became belligerant...to the waitresses and other people. On numerous occasions, I had to have the bartender stop serving them.
This wasn't the main deal. What I noticed about them is that they were also really selfish.
Brief story: I was going to be out of the country for 6 weeks and the PO will only hold your mail for 30 days. I got a private mail box 1 mile from one of these friends' condo, and asked him to go only twice, at about 20 day intervals, to pick up my mail. He said he would and I gave him the key. He didn't seem happy about it.In retrospect, I would ask him for about one favor a year, and he never came through on any of them (none of them involved money). When I got back from Europe, I asked him for my mail. We went into the garage, and my mail was strewn all over the back of his hatchback car, essentially available for anyone in a parking lot to see. (My parents regularly got mail for neighbors on vacation and put it in a lunch bag inside their house out of respect for other people's property and privacy). What had to have happened is that he picked up my mail and, in a state of defiance, flung it into his hatchback from the driver's seat in anger.
What makes people with addictions so damn selfish in other areas of their lives? Have you had FRIENDS (not SOs) with addiction issues that were more trouble than they were worth?
If you've asked him for favors and he's never come through for you before, what makes you think this time would be any different. Frankly, I think it's just the person and doesn't necessarily have to do with addition. Some people just naturally do things half-assed and the other do things whole-assed - addiction or not. He is just an unreliable friend and you knew this before asking for this favor.
I think it is amusing that you actually expected someone who is "incisive and caustic" when sober and "belligerant and an idiot" when drinking to do a good job on mail retrieval. It's got nothing to do with addiction. Choose friends more wisely Grasshopper.
Addicts are an irresponsible, self-centered bunch, it is part of the disease. Don't expect anything from them and you won't be disappointed.
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